Novocain Heart, No Feelings of Love, Just Pressure. Help Posted: 11-02-07 09:20am
I've always been a very loving and giving
person. I'm honest to a fault, because I
find it's one thing I can respect about
myself.
Like everyone I've had many, many
heartaches in my life. Love relationships
and family related. I've endured and
moved on...I try to always put others
before myself, but don't try to take
advantage of me...cause I will set you
straight. Tactfully and politely as
possible...but you will feel a bit of a
sting. I'm no push over. Every since I
was a child I have been able to cut people
out of my life, heart and mind if they
hurt me intentionally. I really never
think on them again, other than to say,
“Welp…that was that!”
I'm divorced, 2.5 years now, and have
found it extremely difficult to fall in
love. I mean, I care for people, (2 men I
have dated thugs far) but once we get to
the point that a commitment is necessary,
or the "I love you till I die" part gets
there...I just freeze up. I can't feel a
dang thing. I can't stand to go around my
guy for more than 2 hours at a time. I
panic. The man I'm seeing now (one of the
2 mentioned above) asked me to move in
with him...and I freaked out so much I got
a dime-size canker sore on the side of my
tongue. So much pain, and I couldn’t
talk for a week. It was like my body was
freaking out right along with my heart.
I know the man I am seeing is wonderful
and a life together would be 100x's better
than my last marriage. We have so much in
common and I'm very happy when I’m with
him. But when he said the magic words "we
should move in together" all I wanted to
do is run. I only feel love for him once
in a while now...and it's getting worse.
I feel like my heart is protecting
itself...and at the same time it’s
keeping me from having a wonderful
relationship. HELP I don’t' want to
screw this up.
I would just go for it (move in), except I
can’t live with someone I don’t feel
love for. Which is strange…I know I
love him, I just can’t feel it. It’s
like someone shot Novocain into my
heart…the pressure is there…but no
feeling.
I've told him these things...and how I
feel. I'm going to see a professional
about my inability to love and/or to stay
in love, but I was hoping this is a common
feeling (or lack there of) and that
someone here could offer up some advise as
to what it is I'm supposed to do to break
down these emotional walls that keep me
from loving again.
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ciceron
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2007 Posts: 8
Hi Posted: 11-18-07 13:43pm
that is difficult to live but you must
give you some time: First of all you must
accept yourself in the mirror (you are a
beautifull woman but I am not talking
about that). You must ask yourself: Who am
I, Where am I, How I am and most
inportantly What do I want. When you will
be fair enough with yourself to answer
those questions then you will be ready to
move on, but He has to accept to wait the
time it will take. If not that he wasn't
for you and you will find somebody else.
Life is not easy and a lot of things takes
time but first take care of yourself.
With love from France
Cheers
Arnaud
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Mike East Texas
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
I Think I Know Posted: 11-19-07 00:55am
In my last marriage my wife would say she
got butterflies when I was around. I
didn't. Maybe, that was part of what
killed the marriage. I don't know. My
heart seems to be the same way now. I
feel nothing but my own desperation.
Might try going back to the primative
world. It's heard to have feelings of
love when you are being chased by a tiger.
You have to feel like you are safe from
that tiger before you can realize you are
even with the right man. I understand the
need for physical closeness. But you may
be close to this guy because of the tiger
that is chasing you. You may be with him
just because he is a tiger hunter. What
you really desire that will set your heart
afire may be another tiger.
Let me explain. What I tend to attract,
gets me going is crazy women. The crazier
the better. What I want, and what I need
is two different things. In psychology,
it is called imprinting. When at age 12,
if your father was abusive, that is what
you will be imprinted to. When I was 12
my mother was going through the change.
She treated my Dad badly in that time. My
2 older brothers took wives that
corresponded to the way their mother was
when they turned 12. Ms Right will never
excite me. Ms Wrongs will always be
knocking at my door.
Please, I am not a professional. Get
counseling. I am just an arm chair
psychologist telling where I am comming
from on this issue.
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RejuveNATION
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2007 Posts: 25 Location: , NY
I Know What You Are Going Through. Posted: 11-30-07 20:52pm
What happened with me: I needed my space
after living back at my moms house for
Nineteen years with two daughters, a
sister and her son. So now that I have my
own house I let it be known, to my man
friend, "Everyone must have their own
bedroom" if we were to live in the same
house. If we spent 342 visiting eachothers
room there are times when I want to be by
myself. Committed totally as King and
Queen of our lives. But I need time to
think, decorate my space, watch the show I
want, sleep without the airconditioner on,
the little things and not be awaken
because he has something he's doing or I
can get up and go to my room.
I think everyone should have to go to a
marriage counsilor before the marry.
Someone to ask the questions that need to
be asked, know how to listen and explain
the reality of relationships. I like a
normal relationship with a twist... Think
of the way you want a relationship and
talk about with your, then compromise with
what he likes.
