Depression Forum - Never Had a Girlfriend

Wow...lot of emotion behind that...I'm so sorry you have had such a hard time. I really am...I was pretty much where you are when I was your age--not the same STUFF going on, but at the same level of frustration, probelms (probably a lot worse, actually...)

Anyway...I have to say, that I think the Dr's question was jsut that--a question. It's kinda the next, first logical step in that line of questions--she doesn't know you, she's trying to get the picture. I mean, it's not that common for a guy not to have had a gf at your age, so she's trying to get an idea why that might be. The most OBVIOUS reason is that a person is gay. That does not mean that you are gay, or even that SHE thinks you are gay or even that you are in ANY way abnormal....but DRs use a process of ruling out the obvious things until they get to what's going on. That's just how it works. If a Dr I dont' know asks me if I'm gay, it's not an indictment.....that's what psychiatrists do. They meet you, talk to you, try to get an idea of who you are, what's bothering you, and how they can best help. It's actually pretty straighforward.

The problem is that THAT WASN'T YOUR PROBLEM...and you have been really bothered by it for a really long time. It sounds to me like you had a LOT invested in that DR's visit--maybe had high expectations--and you were REALLY focused on that one thing. So when she asked you that, instead of being able to say NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, in fact, it's quite a problem that I haven't had a gf, you got upset.

I TOTALLY understand what you mean when you talk about people seeming to socialize and co exist with such ease. I myself find myself scratching my head wondering what the secret is. There's a new sitcom on cbs on mon about these young physics profs, and this last week they went to a party and sat on the couch and observed the "normal" people, trying to figure out how to get in on the social action. I was like "YESSSSS!!!!" Interacting with people in person baffles me somewhat, although you might never know it, as I have honed some pretty good presentaion skills over the years. But I'm not the same as my siblings. They seem to make friends easily and get along much better in the world.

There are several things that coudl be going on here. There is a condition called Asperger's Syndrome. These peeople tend to have difficulty making friends, although they crave friends as much as you and I do. But there are a lot of other things that go along with AS that may not pertain to you, I don't know.

From what you've said here, the most likely thing that I would guess is social anxiety disorder, which IS treated with certain of the antideressants and some therapy. But all in all, I think that would kind of be good news. From what little I know, people with this problem get lots of relief with the proper treatment.

The other thing is that there can be some comfort in figuring out what's actually going on--then you know what to do for it, for one, and also, you can meet other people who have similar issues and talk about how they have overcome obstacles. I personally would encourage you to TRY getting help again. I mean...what are you really going to accomplish on the internet? By walking out on that DR you shut the door on an opportunity for help--and by saying that I'm not indicting you. I jsut mean that if that ONE thing had not happened (if she had not asked that question and you had not had that reaction) your life might be a lot different right now.

Look up AS and Social Anxiety Disorder on the net, maybe, see wha tyou think. It can take a while to get used to the lingo...have you ever looked at the NAMI site? It is for people with problems and their families, very user-friendly.

The LAST thing in the world I want to do is upset you further, but I have a lot of experience with doctors and even a master's in psychology. If my language seems formal and straightforward, that's why. I hope you find what you need. I DO think that if you keep pushing forward, trying to find an answer, and MAYBE keeping a semi, partially open mind about diagnosis and treatment, you can find a lot of relief.

Good luck! I'm curious to know what happens.