Sober For Good, Or Just For Now? Posted: 11-06-07 02:59am
I am an alcoholic, but I've been sober for
2 months (feels like 2 years). I managed
to move back home for now and live with my
folks. It allowed me to clean up my act
and get sober. Unfortunately, I have
become depressed. My life seems very dull
now. I am struggling to stay employed
(currently not) but can't find the
motivation to look for work anymore; just
don't care. I will be returning to
college in the spring (living on my own)
and hope to finish school in about 2
years, move on with my life, get married,
etc.
But there is a BIG problem: I can't see
myself staying sober for the rest of my
life. I really miss drinking and getting
drunk, and this depression is leading me
back to drinking. Why stay sober when it
feels like my life is a drag. I know that
drinking will only make things worse, but
I'm afraid I will eventually go back to
it. I want to believe that I can control
it...like if Im sober for a long time, I
will be able to start drinking again,
carefully, and not turn back into a drunk.
But I feel like that idea is doomed; if i
have just one drink, I will flip the
switch back on...
What should I do? I'm very depressed;
always looking for some form of
stimulation to fill the void that becoming
sober created: sex, tobacco, cokes, energy
drinks, food/snacks, movies, video games,
etc. Also, my sleep cycle is messed up,
and I feel tired most of the time, can't
sleep at night, lazy all day. Im afraid
of medication for depression; i dont trust
it, like it is only another thing that
will work while it lasts. After I
discontinue use, it stops working, right?
Well, still have a lot more to say but
this is already a lot for you to decipher.
Please respond, any advise is appreciated.
figure 6.8
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
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Posted: 11-06-07 07:22am
This is all about if you really want to
stay sober or not. That's the bottom line.
You are in remission now and that is the
hardest part. Get to some AA meeting and
follow those 12 steps to recovery. Go get
that depression taken care of. There are
medications for depression out there that
are very begnin and last longer. Ask your
physician what is best for you.
Carrie
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daffodil67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 54 Location: , midsouth, usa (think presidential pair)
Posted: 11-06-07 08:07am
Ms. Carrie is right--it's so so so so so
rare to stay sober without some kind of
support, and of course, AA is "for fun and
for free." Going to meetings, reading the
book, getting a sponsor, and workign the
steps--you won't have TIME to be bored and
seeking excitement. Why would you try to
"white-knuckle it" alone when you could go
be with people WHO KNOW WHAT'S IN YOUR
HEAD WITHOUT YOU SAYING IT and get a life
you never dreamed you could have???
People who you can look at and SEE that
they are like you. They have been where
you've been (liek mentally and
emotionally), and they will tell you--if
you do what we did, you will get what we
got. Period. Really--they will show you
step by step how to stay sober ONE DAY AT
A TIME (that's where that comes from) for
the rest of your life. You won't be
sitting around wishing you could get
plastered for the rest of your
life--because they will show you how to
HAVE a life. You go there and you will
find dozens of laughing, smiling people
who went to work that day--and stayed all
day long. They have families. They go to
school. And they don't think aobut
drinking all the time. It doesnt' get
better than that!
Seriously. If you really want to stay
sober, it's your (only) best chance. It's
a choice--but you KNOW what the other side
is like, and you didn't like that one,
right??? My sister learned a cool way to
gauge whether or not you should do
soemthing while she was completing her
training ot be a doctor. When they had a
patient they really didn't have anythign
else they could think of to do for--the
standard was: Can't hurt, might help, why
not try it. I've found that's a pretty
good tool in making decisions about what I
should do, too.
And the thing is, you would not BELIEVE
the kind of cosmic truths you will learn
if you do decide to actually WORK at
staying sober instead of jsut HOPING you
do. You'll learn pithy sayings that will
BLOW YOUR MIND. like I said...won't be
time to be bored.
So hey, try a meeting. If it doesn't
tickle your fancy, try a different one.
Keep going back. For soem people it
happens right away, for others it happens
after some time (ya gotta keep going), but
what you will find is some calm people
with laughter in their eyes who can hold a
job and NOT thoughts of a drink all
day...THEN you ask yourself...do I want
what they have? Or do I want what I have
or worse, risking going back to my
drinking life? You stay there long
enough, you''ll be GLAD you did.
Good luck
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 11-06-07 09:46am
seefigure68,
I work with guys trying to not drink
today, and that “being sober is
boring” line is one I hear a lot.
Compared to the chaos that was our
drinking careers (I am an alcoholic too)
you bet it is boring.
Things were either so funny I was falling
off my bar stool, or so sad a tear ran
down my cheek and into my drink. Never the
middle ground, always way up or way down
the sine curve.
I was told early in my sobriety, you sober
up a horse thief, and you have a sober
horse thief. The basic flaw in the horse
thief’s makeup is still there.
If nothing changes in your life, you in
all probability will go back to drinking.
Most guys do. Just quitting drinking and
doing nothing about the underlying issues
is torture.
We treat alcohol like medicine. It makes
us feel. It makes it better. It changes
our outlook and it changes it fast. This
world goes from some colorless,
threatening existence, to a Technicolor
wonderland, and it all happens inside of a
drink or two.
But like you said, we never stop at just
one or two, we are alcoholics, we drink!
That is the rub, how can I live in this
world, and have some semblance of
happiness, without my old friend?
I, like Carrie and daffodil67 went to AA
and I figured out how to live sober and
happy. Do yourself a favor seefigure68,
stop by a meeting.
Richard
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seefigure68
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2007 Posts: 30 Location: Texas
Posted: 11-06-07 13:08pm
thanks guys. Its obvious that AA seems to
work for people. I will give it another
try. I just got discouraged with one
group that I went to b/c I didn't feel
like I could relate to them; they were
much older, kinda looked down on me like I
was "amatuer" alcoholic or something. But
I think I've heard of young adult meetings
in my area, I will check it out.
Thanks again everyone!
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PenguinsRus
Supporter
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1206 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 11-06-07 13:31pm
Look around for different kinds of AA
meetings. I'm sure there are lists
online. There are ones aimed towards
younger people. I know that when my
father went into a rehab center for
extreme alcoholism, there were AA meetings
at the center, and they were divided into
groups for younger people and older
people. I'm sure if you feel like you can
relate more, it will help you a lot more.
While you are there, see if you can get
anyones phone number and make any friends.
Strong support systems really help, and
if you are friends with someone going
through the same thing as you, it is much
easier because they know what you are
feeling and thinking.
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 11-06-07 15:39pm
“I will give it another try.” That’s
the ticket my friend.
And keep stopping by here.
Richard
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 11-06-07 15:51pm
Shop around, I am sure you will find a
group that will be right for you and
welcome you with open arms. Stand tall and
say "HI, my name is........and I am an
alcoholic".
There out there. Ya just gonna have to
find the one you feel most comfortable
with and then by all means get a sponsor.
Carrie
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w0rldd0minat0r
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Posts: 238
Posted: 11-07-07 11:09am
exercise can really help with both
depression and lethargy
keeping yourself fit is a great way to
improve confidence and feel good about
yourself also i find it hard to without
music so invest in a music player if that
helps! dont worry if you struggle at first
you'll feel urself gradually getting
fitter do a little more each night... and
by the time summer comes u'll also have
sexy legs to show off
aint that great
so yeah ,
umm exercise will also help you sleep and
stuff
i love to run along the seaside everynight
or just sit there chilling im about your
age i think although u didn't post it
(18?) good luck with it pm me if u want :X
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PghMom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posted: 11-09-07 07:23am
I am two months sober today. I have kept
myself busy and occupied with my grad
school work so I have no time to drink,
but come Monday, I will be off for two
months and I see that as a potential
"drinking" time again! Right now, I have
the confidence in myself that I'll have to
find other things to keep me busy, but
It's scary I used to drink because I was
so bored with everything,(and I have kids
and a husband who should keep me busy). I
didn't go to AA expecting to work the
steps, I went to listen and see other
people who might be like me and gain
inspiration that they've maintained
sobriety and I can too. They welcomed me
with open arms into their pale green smoke
filled room. I changed to a non smoking
meeting, same place different time of day,
and I found the same exact people. People
who day after day and so far, week after
week tell the same story of their life and
alcohol. Some have been sober for 20
years, others 2 years. And because I
choose not to go everyday 2x a day, they
too make me feel like an "Amateur
Alcoholic" . All of a sudden, I'm not as
bad as they were. Or I'm denying my higher
power and I can never achieve sobriety
until I do. They see me as stubborn
because I won't work the steps right now.
Yeah, I don't have a belief system such as
they do and yet I'm told I'm walking a
fine line. I know where my line is. I know
what I have to do to maintain my sobriety.
While I enjoyed going to the AA meetings,
I need to find someplace else. I have
gotten fed up with that AA group. It's
crazy that I'm not "alcoholic enough" to
feel like I can sit through that meeting.
I'm constantly approached to discuss how I
felt about my DUI's or getting a paper
signed for my probation. NONE OF THAT HAS
EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I came to the
realization that I needed help and I
needed to quit drinking before I was faced
with those repercussions. But I am
apparently "not that bad." An alcoholic
is an alcoholic is an alcoholic. So I am
on the quest to find another AA group or
in a years time I'll start my own AA
group, "Amateur Alcoholics" .
After that long rant, I say find
something to keep you busy. Exercise does
help, I haven't had time for it lately,
but I know that's one way I'll try to keep
occupied. I turned to food and coffee
these last 8 weeks since I didn't have
alcohol and I need to work on cutting back
on those as well. I don't see a problem
with video games, I play them myself. If
you don't have one, go buy a Wii with the
money your not spending on alcohol and get
into shape with one of their exercise
games. It's fun and keeps your body moving
rather than plopping yourself down in a
chair and not moving for 3 hours.
I think I've said enough for today. Good
luck take care!
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Hi Pghmom Posted: 11-09-07 09:32am
And congratulations on your first step to
sobriety. You have to do what is best for
youself. But, I must say that working the
12 steps is such a big part of getting
sober. Making a mends is a very big one.
Think about all the people you my have
hurt verbally when you were drunk. Having
a higher power is your choice too.
I am just proud of you for going to the
meetings. You will gain alot by just
going.
Start getting those chips!
Congrat's to all that have finally
realized that there is more to life the
the bottle and probably death. Keep up the
good work and come to the real world and
see what you have been missing. Some of it
is not so pretty, but you will find the
streangh to face it and face it with
sobrieity. Good luck to all of you and you
are all in my thoughts. You can do it!
Carrie
How bout some more input here gang.
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 11-09-07 10:01am
PghMom, TWO MONTHS! CONGATULATIONS!
That is a long time to go with out even a
little drink when no one was looking, I
know. Mom, you have done something many
wish they could/would do. Don’t discount
your accomplishment, it is truly
significant.
I know some people in the rooms can be
strident. They gave me the same business
when I first showed up. Always busting my
chops on “Do you have a sponsor?” And
“What step are you on?”
Just speaking for myself, I was
hyper-tuned to hear such things. I heard
them all as criticisms. I felt like I was
under a microscope. Some of those negative
feelings were a true reflection of what
was going on, but some of it was my own
self doubt, self recrimination, and just
raw nerves.
Make sure you take the motives of those
other people who are on your case into
account. They may go at it in an in your
face style, but I believe they have your
best interests at heart.
Stick around long enough and you will see
the heart breaking reality of this damn
disease. People, good people, will chose
the bottle over their families, over their
health, over their sanity. I have seen it,
maybe you have too. Someone shows up, they
look like death eating a bologna sandwich,
and they stick around for a week or two.
They start getting color back into their
faces, stop shaking, they start feeling
better. Then one day, you just don’t see
them around any more.
The reason some people are so insistent on
getting someone like you into action is
alcohol is like the sirens that Ulysses
heard. He could not stop himself from
stepping off the ship and being pulled
under by that irresistible call.
His crew lashed him to the mast to save
his life. The first weeks/months we are
sober, we benefit from being lashed to the
mast of the program. 90 meetings in 90
days, that is what they told me.
Keep looking Mom, Pittsburgh is a big
place, and the right meeting (mast) is out
there. Your job is to find it before the
sirens convince you a drink is a good
idea.
Your friend on this long strange road
trip
Richard
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daffodil67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 54 Location: , midsouth, usa (think presidential pair)
Posted: 11-09-07 21:36pm
Hey...you know, the thing is, it's the
steps that get you sober, not the people.
Last week in Little Rock, AR an old black
man died. He was the first black man to
get sober in AA in Little Rock. That was
in 1961. He said that back then they sent
the white drunks to the hospital, and the
black drunks to the "nut house" ( the
state hospital.) When he got out, they
told him to go to the AA meetings. He
went for the coffee and cigarettes. I
never believed he was the first black man
to go, but somehow, even though the white
people there largely only tolerated him
(can you IMAGINE???), the steps took, he
got sober, stayed sober, and eventually
wrote a few books that became
internationally known (The Steps We Took,
no doubt available at your central
office), and founded and ran a treatment
facility called Serenity Park for a long
time. RIP Joe McQuaney
So, yeah, you probably have more options
than he did, for one thing, more to choose
from (technically he had no choice.) But
you also need to realize that it's the
message you need. The messengers vary.
Soem of them suck. Agreed. Just try to be
patient and know that. Focus on YOUR side
of the street...listen for the
similarites. ANd Richard on here. He's a
good bet!!! LOL I'm jsut sharing what I
have today. He seems to spit gold every
day...lol
They also tell the story of a a guy who
would ride his bicycle from a town about
an hour away, jsut to get some meetings.
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Here Ya Go Posted: 11-09-07 22:20pm
This is the only way plus the serenity
prayer to stay soberand a supporter.
The 12 Suggested Steps of Alcoholics
Anonymous
We admitted we were powerless over
alcohol--that our lives had become
unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than
ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our
lives over to the care of God as we
understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral
inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to
another human being the exact nature of
our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all
these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our
shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed,
and became willing to make amends to them
all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever
possible, except when to do so would
injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and
when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to
improve our conscious contact with God, as
we understood Him, praying only for
knowledge of His will for us and the power
to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the
result of these steps, we tried to carry
this message to alcoholics, and to
practice these principles in all our
affairs.
Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to execpt the
things I can not change,
The courage to change the things that I
can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
They work!
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aparsons24
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2007 Posts: 5 Location: Ridgway, Co
Posted: 11-18-07 15:30pm
I am new to this site and i have been
reading alot of post and i wanted to
respond.
i know what you are going through i am
going through the same thing as will only
a different addiction. i am currently
taking medication and it does help. I dont
think that i will ever be able to quit
taking meds but i feel better most of the
time and i now know that there is light at
the end of the tunnel. if you ever want to
chat just let me know
sincerly
alisha
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DawnMN
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Nov 2007 Posts: 7 Location: Michigan, USA
Figure 6.8 Posted: 11-18-07 18:18pm
I can relate so much to what you are going
through, with all the emotions that come
with this devastating disease. If only
there was a magical cure to take this all
away. unfortunately not. I feel the
only way to really gain trust, to show
another person you really do care and want
to help with intentions for only the best
for this person, is always be as honest
as You can without causing any further
pain and hurt. After reading your painful
post, this is only my opinion, it does
sound to me you have already relapsed in
your mind and sound like its just a matter
of time now before you use. Please to not
get discouraged by this, as a part of
recovery is relapses. If you do relapse,
dont beat yourself up, dont look back, but
look forward, its a new day and a new
start for yourself. You have to find out
what works for you, something that works
for one person doesn't mean it will work
for you, all we can do is give you advice
on what has worked for us, thoughts that
could help you, and offer all the support
you need. I no all to well how this drug
can completely destroy you, strip you of
all your self esteem and self-respect,
cause tradgedys that you no you can never
get back, and realizing it could of been
avoided if you stopped using before it
went that far. For some people thats what
it takes. Me for one, it took the death
of my husband, for my younger brother, it
took the death of his baby girl, she was
just 6 weeks old, for, my husband it took
his own death, I could keep going on with
just what it took for my family, but I
think I proved just how devastating it
could end. it doesnt have to be that way.
Find what works for you, your triggers,
people, music. dont get in that trap
thinking you can keep this under control,
and just have 1, it may work for awhile,
but most likely it will turn the same only
getting a little worse each time. I will
have you in my prayers, if you ever need
to talk, or just vent Im here for you.
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mattoose
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2007 Posts: 9
Posted: 11-18-07 23:54pm
I am a firm beleiver that telling yourself
"I will not drink forever" will play
tricks on your mind. Just remember that
"NOW IS NOT THE TIME". When will be? I
don't know, when you care about alchohol
as much as you care about getting a job.
I'm not saying that you should drink in
the future, I'm just saying to recognize
that now is not a good time to start.
Just don't. KEEP HOLDING OUT!!! Make
your family and freinds proud. Soon, the
ones who were so worried about you will be
threatened by the fact that they are now
in fact in worse shape than you. Soon,
they may even want you to drink with them.
KEEP GOING and TAKE CHARGE OF EVERY DAY!
Don't let anything take charge of you.
I hope the people and things you are
surrounded by are good. Keep them around,
they will keep you alive. Don't play
tricks on your mind or you will set
yourself up for failure. You may see old
friends, but don't let the nostalgia get
to you. Satan comes dressed as a
beautiful woman, don't be seduced by good
times and great oldies. LOOK FORWARD TO A
GOOD FUTURE! Don't think about not
drinking because it is virtually the same
as thinking about drinking. Get involved
in a group or activity. Try not to fall
behind, but if you do, don't get
discouraged. There are many other things
to get involved in.
aint that great 
