How Can I Help My Best Friend? Posted: 11-06-07 18:37pm
I have met this wonderful person through
an online browser game where we used to be
virtual enemies. After some time, we
started talking on several messengers as
well as in voice chat and we became best
of friends.
In the meantime I fell in love with him. I
told him how I feel and his response was
quite devastating. He said that he just
knows that if I really knew him, I would
leave him like all the other women did.
And since he is taking care of his parents
and his youngest sister, he has to stay
focused and can't get himself involved as
this may be destructive to his family,
himself as well as to me and my daughter
(he did try to committ suicide at one time
and his best friend DID committ suicide -
so he's been through a lot).
He said he does things that I would never
be able to cope with and that this would
be worse than the most horrible heartache
I have ever felt. We have been friends for
almost a year now and have met several
times in real life.
We even went camping one time and slept in
the same tent. All I can say is that he
has been the perfect gentleman and he
takes care of me and helps me whenever I
need him. I also do many nice things for
him which he always appreciates.
But when he gets in his dark moods, he
doesn't want to be bothered and plays
CounterStrike a lot in order to get rid of
his built up anger. Sometimes he tells me
he only wants to talk to me.
However, lately he isn't talking that much
anymore and he doesn't call anymore like
he used to. The only thing which has
stayed the same is the fact, that he seems
happy when I send him a message or when I
call.
My question is: should I leave him alone
when he is in his dark moods? Or should I
continue to be the one who always makes
the first move?
Is he just being pollite or do I actually
help him when I show him that I do care
about him? I even thought about asking him
these questions myself but I don't want to
make him feel uncomfortable.
He keeps telling me that he never wants
our friendship to end and when I was hurt
by the fact that he couldn't respond to my
feelings the way I wanted him to, he said
he wished he could take the pain away from
me and that he was sorry.
I mean, how many guys do you know who
stick around after such a confession? Most
guys run like hell - excuse my French.
But he is always there for me and when I
had a problem once with someone who tried
to rip me off, he even wanted to fight for
me.
He is the most caring person I have ever
met in my life - that's why I love him so
much. I know he has a dark side to him -
he told me so. But he has a right to be
happy just like everyone else.
The only thing I have noticed is that he
tends to forget things that he said he
would do - like draw a picture for my
daughter or burn a CD for me, stuff like
that. That's why he says he hates to make
promises.
Bottom line is: since I am so much in love
with him, I tend to take things personally
and I am really hurt when I don't hear
from him when I know it has nothing to do
with me.
I just want to act in the most appropiate
way towards him and I want to help him to
become a happier person.
What can I do to help?
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abnrmlmind
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 55
Posted: 11-06-07 23:18pm
maybe you should work on it. talk more.
also sometimes people just forget things.
try not to take things so personally.
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takerroria
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2007 Posts: 1
Posted: 11-06-07 23:29pm
tell him what you just told us and see how
he responds
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abnrmlmind
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 55
Posted: 11-07-07 01:42am
im not sure if you should do that quite
yet. at least i wouldnt.
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daffodil67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 54 Location: , midsouth, usa (think presidential pair)
Posted: 11-07-07 05:12am
I think you should be able to be with a
guy you can tell that kind of stuff to.
Have you noticed a major lack of guys who
act like gentlemen? Of guys who are
passionate an y ou feel you can make
confessions too?
I think maybe you are meeting the wrong
type of guys, that's what the problem is.
And this guy HAS THOSE qualities, but
he's kinda messed up about some other
stuff, that might run you through the
wringer. This guy is giving you subtle
"go-away" clues, so maybe you should go
away and see what happens. I mean, dont'
storm out and vow to never see him again,
but you deserve to have someone who has
all the great qualities you see in him,
minus the drama. Be available to him, but
you might even say--you are giving me
subtle "go-away_ clues, soI'm jsut gonna
go away uintil you think things through.It
jsut sounds to me like he has some stuff
to work out. Many young men do--I assume
you guys are fairly young.
Life gets SOOOOOO much more stable and
good later on. Why in HELL did god give
Y'ALL teh hormones and bodies and US the
wisdom???? LMAO
Take care and good luck...
Sarah
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Amohe
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2007 Posts: 2
Posted: 11-22-07 11:21am
Thank you for your answers.
He was feeling down a two weeks ago and I
wrote him every day which he really seemed
to appreciate.
The week after that he appeared to be
going through another phase of mania -
getting angry at people and stuff like
that. I didn't know and hadn't wrote to
him the entire week.
He sent me an email and even texted me in
order to let me know that I had an email.
I get the impression that there are times
when he does need me.
On the other hand, he acts different
towards me. I took your advice,
abnrmlmind, and try not to take it
personally. He used to write stuff like:
"hugs and kisses" and now he says stuff
like: "give your daughter a hug from me"
(in other words - he doesn't flirt with me
anymore like he used to).
The reason why I even think about stuff
like that is because he said he never does
anything without a reason. And even though
he stays in touch - he doesn't call me
anymore which really hurts me a lot. But I
have decided not to tell him that. After
all, he is not obligated to call me and if
he - for whatever reason - only wants to
write, I have to respect that even if it
kills me.
Some people even think that he feels more
for me than he is willing to admit, maybe
that's why I analyze everything.
Sorry, if I am rambling on - I have been
working a lot to keep myself going off the
deep edge and it just feels good to talk
to people who understand what I am feeling
and what my best friend is going through.
