Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Some Pretty Serious Daycare Issues.....(long) Posted: 11-09-07 00:52am
Hello ladies. I have kind of a crappy
situation on my hands. I got told about
3-4 months ago that my daughter was at the
babysitters playing out in one of those
houses with the kids, and it was brought
up about her asking the other kids to show
everyons "pee pees" Well the babysitter
brought this up to me, and i spoke with my
daughter, and she said that she didin't
say it. I asked her 2, or 3 times, and she
always told me mom i didn't say it. Well
i'm not sure on the real story, and i
really don't think the babysitter does
either. But we both talked to Chyanne, and
i'm guessing she talked to the other kids
that were out side that day. But I told
Chyanne whether she said it or not that
talking about each others pee pees is
nothing a 6 year old needs to be talking
about, and if someone else is talking
about it leave, and go play somewhere else
because it's wrong.
Well i get to the babysitters yesterday,
and this time they were outside in this
house, and Chyanne was telling the kids to
pull down their pants. When i went to pick
up chyanne from the sitters she was upset,
and i asked her what was wrong, and she
said she had a tummy ache. We sat there
talking while she got her stuff together,
and the sitter said she's mad cause she
got in trouble. I asked chyanne why she
got in trouble, and she wouldn't tell me.
Well this went on for a couple of mins,
and then the sitter told me why she was in
trouble. I asked chyanne why she did this,
and where is she getting this from. All
she would tell me is she got it from "no
where"
Long story short...sorry I don't understand
any of it. I know she's not getting this
from home, or tv. We don't do ANYTHING
like this at home, and we don't watch any
type of tv shows where she would be
getting this from. But it seems like all
the blame is always on her, and what about
these other kids outside. I know there are
a couple of really naughty boys at the
sitters, and i have a feeling that maybe
she's being pushed into saying, or acting
like this. Or seeing someone else do it,
and thinking it's funny, or cute. But the
time before i guess one of the mothers
took her kid out of child care with my
sitter because of the pee pee thing. I'm
scared to death of this happening again,
and losing my daycare. I work 4-12, and
i'm damn lucky to find this daycare that
is 24 hours. And with a new baby coming in
6 weeks, or less, i would be screwed
And to top it all off. This part makes me
just wanna cry, but now she's not allowed
to go outside with the other kids, or be
alone with the kids on the house. She has
to be out in the kitchen when the sitter
makes supper so she can be watched at all
times. She's making my 6 year old look
like a freaking pedifile, or a sex maniac.
And to think that i'm bringing her there
so she can sit by herself for 8 hours just
breaks my heart. I don't know what to do.
|
hopefulmjz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Mar 2005 Posts: 4777 Location: , USA
Thanks: 3
Thanked:11
Posted: 11-09-07 01:18am
Eek, I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
I'm not sure where she would be getting it
(if it's her) but like you said, other
kids could be bullying her. But I think
the sitter should keep a closer eye on
things. How many does she have in her
care? Shouldn't she be outside with them?
I almost think part of this is the sitters
fault for lack of supervision. Just my
opinion
|
Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-09-07 01:21am
Yeah a part of me feels this way too. I
didn't want to say that in front of her
though. I didn't want to lose my only
means of daycare. I know during the day
she has about 12. She is licenced, so i
know she has limits. I'm guessing this is
happening right after school when she has
the most kids, and beings it gets dark at
5pm now. Just the whole things makes
little sence to me.
|
HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8005 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-09-07 01:38am
Honestly, I think it's a thing kids go
through.
When I was in Kindergarten I did the same
things, I was actually caught doing these
things with another little girl in my
class. I remember, too. My mom was in my
classroom crying because my teacher was
telling her about it & stuff.
Your daughter could have got it from
another friend, that's what my situation
was. My friend told me she knew what
"french kissing" was.. and i had no idea,
so she told me, ect ect. I know it sounds
disturbing now, and I know I'd be upset if
it was my child, too, but I'm telling you
that she's not going to grow up as a sex
freak and stuff because of what's going on
and she's not bad because of it (i know
you don't think those things)
I've also heard of other little kids doing
it, I know it's upsetting and I hope you
get things figured out
|
sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 960 Location: , England
Posted: 11-09-07 02:25am
Shes there after school at 4pm until
midnight?
|
Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-09-07 02:32am
Yes my hours are 4-12am on week nights,
and 4-1am on weekends
|
sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 960 Location: , England
Posted: 11-09-07 02:38am
So she never gets a good nights sleep
then. Surely that affects how well she
does in school etc...
|
Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-09-07 02:49am
I'm not really sure what that has to do
with my current situation, but the only
spots open at my daycare were evening
shifts so that's why i'm working night
shifts. I have no choice. The day shift
are taken at my job, and in order to
switch jobs i would have to take a 3-4$
pay cut, and to me that's not worth it.
She gets her homework done, and gets
special attention with her school work.
She is not doing crappy in school.
|
sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 960 Location: , England
Posted: 11-09-07 03:06am
It doesnt have anything to do with your
current issues but you mentioned the hours
shes there and I was surprised anyone
would use a daycare that late at night so
thats why I asked. People dont really do
that over here. Sorry if I offended you
but I do feel bad for her having to stay
until midnight especially as shes of
school age. Personally I would rather make
a bit less money than do that to my child.
About your daycare issue, I agree with
what the other people said it sounds like
the woman isnt supervising them enough. If
your daughter learns she cant do that
stuff with the other kids or she gets
punished by having to play alone,
hopefully she'll stop doing it.
|
Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-09-07 03:20am
Well she's not up until midnight. She is
put to bed as she would be at home, and
9pm. Most of the time she's passed out
before that. But i don't feel that
punishing only my daughter if theres
others kids out there doing the same
thing. She makes it out to be that chyanne
is the only one doing anything wrong. When
it sounds like she doesn't even have a
clue as to what's going on.
|
benc152
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 225 Location: , Australia
Posted: 11-09-07 03:59am
The babysitter must tell you everything
that happens if you ask.
If she wont tell you something that
happened then fire her.
But in reguards to your daughter, all
children go through the 'show you mine
i'll show you yours' Make sure she know's
it's in appropriate, but really you want
her to have a healthy relationship with
her body, and others, there's nothing
shamefull about it. just can't do it in
public.
|
Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3760 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 79
Thanked:66
Posted: 11-09-07 07:17am
I would say that her behaviour is normal
and being blown out of proportion. I
remember my male neighbour and I playing
"show me yours and I'll show you mine"
when we were about that age. Nothing
sexual in it, just curiosity.
Having said that I feel I must let you
know that inappropriate sexual behaviour
in a child can be indicative of sexual
abuse. I'm not saying this is the case
with your child but it's something to keep
in mind. I was sexually abused as a child
and I used to display inappropriate
behaviour but the link wasn't realised
back then.
|
sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 960 Location: , England
Posted: 11-09-07 12:00pm
Hollyberries
wrote:
Well she's not up until
midnight. She is put to bed as she would
be at home, and 9pm. Most of the time
she's passed out before that. But i don't
feel that punishing only my daughter if
theres others kids out there doing the
same thing. She makes it out to be that
chyanne is the only one doing anything
wrong. When it sounds like she doesn't
even have a clue as to what's going
on.
Yeah good point. If the others are doing
it too, why is she the only one being
punished? You'd think the sitter must have
seen her start it, could you bring that up
with her?
|
Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-09-07 12:02pm
I understand that the actions are normal.
I'm sure i did it too. About the sexual
abuse there is NO sexual abuse here in our
home. I'm not getting upset with you, but
makes a person wonder what's really going
on in the house over there.
|
sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 960 Location: , England
Posted: 11-09-07 12:10pm
Ive heard of some kids doing it, but never
did myself.
Ive told jay many times "we dont show
anyone our bottoms do we? only family
people."
Its understandable if they are curious
about it because they probably see
eachother going to the toilet at school
& pre-school and notice some have a
different bottom to their own. Just
curiosity isnt it.
I wonder if you can make it less or more
likely to happen though. Like if your
child never sees their siblings or parents
in the nude, only ever sees their own
private bits, so they would be much more
curious when they suddenly see another
child who looks different to them?
|
Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8786 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 161
Thanked:194
Posted: 11-09-07 12:11pm
My concern is that the daycare lady may be
spreading herself too thin. Didn't you say
there are 12 kids there. Does she have
help? I don't think the adult to child
ratio is too low and there should be more
adults to supervise.
That said, this kind of behavior is not
abnormal by any means. I hope no one is
making your daughter feel bad for this
(not YOU, the daycare!). It is normal to
be curious at what other people have or
don't have.
Are there new children there? The dynamic
between kids at a daycare is a huge factor
in the way things go on a daily basis.
Your daughter may find that she is getting
A LOT of attention from doing these
things. Good attention/bad attention,
sometimes kids don't care which it is. She
gets pulled aside and talked to by the
daycare lady and set out from the other
group of kids. This, in itself, could be
appealing to her. She does not know what
she is doing is wrong.
(((hugs))) for you. Being a mom is hard.
Being a working mom is VERY hard. You are
doing a great job.
|
Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-09-07 12:20pm
well both me and my fiance had this talk
before, and again when it happened this
last time. We told her that showing
private, or asking others to show, or pull
pants down is not acceptable in public,
and that little girls are not to be
talking about this with other kids. I'm
just so confused as to why she won't tell
me the whole thing (chyanne) or maybe
she's scared to tell me because like i
said she's being bullied. I think the
thing that bothers me the most is i feel
like a failure, and a bad parent. Number
one i didn't teach this to her before, but
i can't offer her a mon-fri 9-5 shift like
other moms can. I am giving her what i
can, and i'm trying my hardest to do so.
Not to mention that since this has all
happened i feel very distant with her, and
the babysitter. Kinda like on pins and
needles.
|
Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8786 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 161
Thanked:194
Posted: 11-09-07 12:26pm
Just keep doing the best you can do, that
is all any mom can do.
|
Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-09-07 12:29pm
Ingi
wrote:
Just keep doing the best you
can do, that is all any mom can do.
thanks so much! And to everyone that has
responded. It's really getting to me for
some reason. I guess it might be the
pregnancy hormones lol. But i just can't
seem to get it off my mind
|
sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 960 Location: , England
Posted: 11-09-07 12:32pm
Is there any way your fiance can change
his working hours at all? So he could look
after her for part of the time you're at
work, then she wouldnt be at the sitters
as long. I've been teaching jay "we dont
show ours....." since he was about 3. Kids
have no idea unless you tell them. I did
it because I didnt want anyone taking
advantage of him or whatever. Might seem
over the top to some but theres a lot of
sickos out there.
I don't understand
any of it. I know she's not getting this
from home, or tv. We don't do ANYTHING
like this at home, and we don't watch any
type of tv shows where she would be
getting this from. But it seems like all
the blame is always on her, and what about
these other kids outside. I know there are
a couple of really naughty boys at the
sitters, and i have a feeling that maybe
she's being pushed into saying, or acting
like this. Or seeing someone else do it,
and thinking it's funny, or cute. But the
time before i guess one of the mothers
took her kid out of child care with my
sitter because of the pee pee thing. I'm
scared to death of this happening again,
and losing my daycare. I work 4-12, and
i'm damn lucky to find this daycare that
is 24 hours. And with a new baby coming in
6 weeks, or less, i would be screwed 
