Newly Wed but Husband wants time alone Posted: 11-10-07 21:38pm
Hi,
I just got married to my husband 5 months
ago. he is american and I am swiss (so i
moved to the US a couple weeks before we
got married).
the first couple months we had a great
time with each other, but then we started
fighting more often, and now we're almost
constantly fighting. It's always about the
same thing and i just don't know how to
solve the problem.
I want him to spend more time with me, but
he wants to hang out with his friends all
the time, or game on the computer. He says
that one "date night" a week and being
with me for 30-60 minutes every day is
plenty and he wants the rest of the time
for himself. I see how he wants to spend
time with his friends and i think that's a
great thing, but then again i feel like
he's spending more time with his friends
and the computer than he is with me.
I see how it's also my problem, because i
don't have very many friends over here in
the US (none at all to be completely
honest) since my family and friends are
all in switzerland, and i'm having a
really hard time finding friends. At work
I dont seem to connect with anyone
(although i really try hard) and my
husband keeps telling me that i need to
make an effort to find friends (but i do!!
it's just really not that easy if you dont
know anyone at all).
We keep fighting about me wanting to spend
more time with him, and him wanting more
alone time. I feel like he doesn't want to
spend time with me at all, but does it
anyways because i want him to (which
doesn't make the quality time that great
either).
I really want to solve this problem and am
open to advice!!
thank you!!
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2595 Location: ,
Thanks: 16
Thanked:13
Posted: 11-10-07 22:04pm
It seems to me you didn't knew this guy
well before you got married. How much time
"alone" should be thoroughly discussed
before getting married. You see I'm also
newlywed and we both love to spend time in
the computer (me on these boards and him
with computer game) So it doesn't bother
each of us that part hehe. I don't know
what to say as advise but I wish you the
situation gets resolved.
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rooted
Supporter
Joined: 22 Mar 2007 Posts: 1074
Thanks: 30
Thanked:2
Posted: 11-12-07 09:51am
Just had our 1 year anniversary and the
first year was the hardest in my life.
You learn how to give and take. In this
case, you might need to make a strong
point to him. My husband and I had at
least 4-5 very serious talks where we
almost broke up --- and one of them was
about this same issue. Only reversed. I
wanted time alone. I had to give some of
that up b/c otherwise, he would have left
me. We didn't get married to live
separate lives, he told me.
Realize that once you make a commitment,
it will be tested.
How far are you willing to go now? B/c it
WON'T change in the future.
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Kebi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2007 Posts: 8
Posted: 11-14-07 20:07pm
(rooted) thank you so much for sharing
that! it feels good to know that there are
other couples going through the same thing
and not giving up.... thanks so much!!
