Dating a Divorced Man - Advice or Help?

I agree with meblonde. You have invested a year already and it looks like you need to get an explanation from your friend exactly what his love for you means. I'm guessing that you want more time with him and he needs to address that fact. He also needs to let you know if he is ready for a long-term relationship. It may be that his ideas about marriage were shattered by the divorce and he is not yet thinking in those terms, which makes the future vague. Be upfront with him and tell him how you feel, but not in a adversarial way. And, remember, he just may be cautious and wants to move slower than you. His kids will always be a part of his life also, so take that into consideration, too.

We've had talks about this and he's told me that the reason we don't spend more time together is because of his job. It's a lot of hours and a bit demanding. And with trying to get his finances back on track after the divorce, I can't say that I blame him. I just need more of his time and he can't give it to me. He has said that he would love for me to be a part of his future. But there are times that I overextend my feelings to him and he doesn't reciprocate. Sometimes I just wonder if it's him being cautious, or if there is something else that I need to worry about. I can't keep bringing these issues up with him, I don't want to be that nagging girl in his life. But I do have my concerns and I have invested close to a year into this. I know nothing can happen over night, this is all a process, but somtimes it's very difficult for me to seperate what I think is him being busy from feeling like he's scared and using these things as excuses.

Hopefully that made sense.

Either you accept the way things are, or you don't. You've explained to him, as you said, what you need and he is either unable or unwilling to give it. You know what the answers are for you.

You say you can't keep bringing these issues up with him... why not? This is YOUR life too. Like I said in the very first sentence, this is something you either accept or don't. It doesn't sound like you do. So then what?

Sounds to me (an observer and only know what you have said here) as if he is less being cautious and more being extremely busy.

Do you have children as well? Children take a lot of time and finances - on top of his job, etc. You will be inviting all of that into your life along with him. My point is, you aren' t just getting him, you are getting his children, his schedule and his financial situation. So... I'm again back to... either you accept this about him or you don't because it isn't going away.

Good luck. Listen to what your heart tells you. I think you know what you want already.

I had bf's divorced with children before I got married. After my breakup with the last I decided not to ever date again divorced men with children particulary if there were available single men or divorced with no children that I could date. And so I married a divorced with no children. I could not be happier. Dealing with ex-wifes just sucks! particulary if the ex-wife is not married again. If the ex wife is married then that is better because she has a man and so does not nag the ex husband around. Boy I dated a divorced guy with kids one time and that ex-wife didn't let him have a gf. So like the other poster said you either accept his package deal or you go find a man that is on your level. Good luck!

So things with my guy have been pretty good the last couple weeks. The situation hasn't changed all that much until this weekend. I had off from work on Friday and we were supposed to meet up, but something came up with work and he had to change our plans. He called me after he finished what he had to do and then was on his way to work and said that he would try to get off earlier so we could spend some time together. He was supposed to work from 6pm - 2am. Around midnight I was a little annoyed by not hearing from him so I sent a text with probably a little attitude, but was not mean. I said that since I hadn't heard from him I assumed we weren't going to hang out and that I was going to sleep. He replied saying that he was still at work and said good night. I was annoyed with the whole situation, so I replied back and told him that I was upset that he didn't tell me sooner that he wasn't going to be able to make it, I could've gone out with other people but I really just wanted to spend time with him, so I decided to wait for his call, which never came. So he didn't reply back to my message. The next morning I thought about it and I know that he really does have a lot going on, so I sent a message saying that I'm sorry if my message was misinterpreted, I was upset but after I read the message again, I thought that maybe it sounded a little worse than it was meant (but in all honesty, I didn't say anything mean or harsh, just expressed my disappointment). So he replied back a couple hours later saying that he's never stopped me from going out with my friends and that he understands that I was upset, but he didn't get a chance to call me and I didn't have to be nasty to him.

Basically we sent a couple messages to eachother throughout the day, he was working until 10pm so I didn't want to call, figured if he could reply he would. His co worker was traveling and he promised the co worker that he'd drive him and his family to the airport last night, it was an international flight and he was taking them around 2am. I called him around 11pm when I knew he wasn't at work, he answered and told me he was at the co workers house and that he'd call me later. I never heard back from him last night. We've never had an awkward disagreement like this, part of me is afraid that he's just never going to call me again, but deep down I believe he will and we'll talk about this. I mean, you don't just throw away a year on a very minor disagreement, right?

I just don't undertand. I genuinely care and love this man, have stood by his side for the past year... supporting him and really trying to let him know that I'm here for him. I knew the first year after the divorce wouldn't be easy, but I chose to stay. I don't know how much longer I'm supposed to wait for things to get better or easier for us. I know in my heart and would probably bet my life that he's not seeing someone else or anything like that. I trust him. But I'm also afraid of getting my heart broken or being the rebound chick. We have talked about our future someday... we talk about vacationing next summer together... and about him buying a place if he takes on a new job that he's interviewing for. We do talk about OUR future being together and little things like that. A couple weeks ago though things felt a little weird, so I told him that maybe he needs to be single a little longer and really figure out what he wants. That eventhough I don't want to take time apart, that maybe it would be good for him if he did so he can figure things out. He was upset with that and told me that he didn't want time away from me, that he does love me and he wants to be with me... I'm just confused and scared of getting hurt and also scared of losing him.