2 Mnths Pregnant - abortion, adoption or hand it over to him? Posted: 11-12-07 17:35pm
My boyfriend just broke up with me because
I kissed another guy when I was drunk. I
didn't even like him, it was a dare. And I
went 2 sneak over his house because he was
very upset then his grandma caught me. He
told me that today she's putting a
restraining order against me so we won't
be able to have any contact until he turns
18 in 6 months. Yesterday I found out I
was pregnant. He is still hurt by what
happened. And he gave me 3 choices. An
abortion, adoption or hand it over to him.
I don't want an abortion because I believe
that it's not the babies fault, it's mine.
And I know if I have it I'll want to keep
it. WHAT DO i DO???? ='(
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Ingi
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Posted: 11-12-07 17:38pm
He is not the boss of you and he
certainly isn't in charge of what
you do with your body!
Make your decision based on you. Good
luck.
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 11-12-07 18:57pm
Tell him to eff off, the little pissant.
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soldierswifey
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Nov 2007 Posts: 225 Location: , ny usa
Posted: 11-12-07 19:17pm
do what YOU want!! your the one thats
feeding,nurishing,and housing the baby and
if he has a problem with it....tell him to
take it to court most times the court will
let the mother keep the baby and kissing
another guy was wrong on your part
especially if you were with someone else
dare or not but the court and judges will
laugh in his face if thats the only dirt
he can bring up on you!!
good luck and keep us informed
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young Girl
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Posted: 11-12-07 20:47pm
do what you want. its your baby your body
your life
you kissed another guy so it doesnt matter
if its a dare or not
you cheated on him and now he doesnt want
you. i dont blame him.
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khyryn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Posts: 7 Location: , U.S.A
Posted: 11-12-07 20:57pm
Actually, the thing is We weren't even 2
gether when I kissed the other guy, he had
broken up with me. But i agree with that
part bc I'd be hurt if he did that 2. But
I know that I wouldn't leave him all alone
if he was able 2 have a kid.
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littlemus
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2007 Posts: 58 Location: Southern California,
Posted: 11-13-07 04:01am
first off never cheat on your boyfriend
thats just bad joo-joo.
secondly, you can always opt for adoption.
adoption can be a very wonderful thing for
a child, just make sure you look into
different possible parents interview them
do background checks there are plenty of
places to help you with this.
thirdly, he cannot tell you what to do
with your child. yes it is also his, but
your the one carrying it, goign to give
birth to it, feed it etc. in the court of
law if the father can shwo that his is a
better caregiver than the mother then the
judge will give custody to the father. if
youw ant to keep your baby you have to get
a job and be able to show that you can
care for your baby properly. go to school
make sure you do all your work get good
grades, get a job so you start to get and
save up money so that you can buy all the
things you need to provide for your child.
visit a doctor and get regular check ups.
show that you are a responsible adult, and
then your baby will not be taken away from
you. in the case that he does take you to
court counter his with child support, he
is the father and therefore he should also
help to support the baby. THIS DOES NOT
MEAN that you dont have to get a job and
work hard to feed and care for your baby.
you still need to beable to provide for
it. also make sure your parents know that
you are pregnant tell them what you want
to do. and make sure you let them know
that you have a plan.
what ever choice you make, make it based
on what is right for you.
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Moo
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Re: I Am 17, Just Fnd Out I'm 2 Mnths Pregnant And Can't See My Posted: 11-13-07 07:37am
khyryn
wrote:
And he gave me 3 choices. An
abortion, adoption or hand it over to
him.
He cannot insist you hand the baby over to
him! What would ever give him the idea he
could do that?!
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Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8924 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
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Posted: 11-13-07 11:00am
khyryn, no one here actually cares about
the 'cheating' thing. What our concern
would be, is you and the baby. If you are
pregnant, please see a doctor ASAP and
talk to a counselor about your options,
ok?
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Tylanas
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Re: I Am 17, Just Fnd Out I'm 2 Mnths Pregnant And Can't See My Posted: 11-13-07 12:37pm
khyryn
wrote:
My boyfriend just broke up
with me because I kissed another guy when
I was drunk. I didn't even like him, it
was a dare. And I went 2 sneak over his
house because he was very upset then his
grandma caught me. He told me that today
she's putting a restraining order against
me so we won't be able to have any contact
until he turns 18 in 6 months. Yesterday I
found out I was pregnant. He is still hurt
by what happened. And he gave me 3
choices. An abortion, adoption or hand it
over to him. I don't want an abortion
because I believe that it's not the babies
fault, it's mine. And I know if I have it
I'll want to keep it. WHAT DO i DO????
='(
Ignore your boyfriend. He has no power
over you. He cannot make a decision for
your child. He cannot take the baby from
you. So fuck him. His "choices" don't
matter.
What do YOU want to do? You do have three
choices.
1. You can abort.
2. You can adopt.
3. YOU can keep YOUR child.
I would never give a child to a man who
"demanded" it. He lost ALL his rights to
see the child EVER by saying that. I'd get
a restraining order against HIM so he can
never see the child until IT is 18 years
old!
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young Girl
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Posted: 11-13-07 12:51pm
sorry hun you made your bed now you have
to lie in it
like eiri said you have options. think
about it. for yourself and for the baby
not for him.
who gives a craaap what he says?
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 11-13-07 21:22pm
Wait, so his grandmother got a restraining
order out against you because you kissed
another boy?
Ok, wait, I read that first post too
quickly.
khyryn
wrote:
My boyfriend just broke up
with me because I kissed another guy when
I was drunk. I didn't even like him, it
was a dare. And I went 2 sneak over his
house because he was very upset then his
grandma caught me. He told me that today
she's putting a restraining order against
me so we won't be able to have any contact
until he turns 18 in 6 months.
His grandmother did this AFTER she found
out about your pregnancy, right?
If so, she is trying to shield him from
having to spend the next 18 years
supporting a child he didn't want. (Or
that she thinks he didn't want.)
How did you get pregnant? Did a condom
break or was it unprotected sex, or were
you trying to conceive?
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Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8924 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
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Posted: 11-13-07 21:48pm
She cannot 'shield' him from having to
support a child! In fact, visitation and
child support would go on as normal.
Sounds like the grandma was getting a
restraining order because OP was trying to
sneak in (break in?) to grandma's house!
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 11-13-07 21:53pm
Ingi
wrote:
She cannot 'shield' him from
having to support a child! In fact,
visitation and child support would go on
as normal.
Paternity has to be established first,
legally, right? Maybe grandma thinks it
will all go away if they sweep it under
the rug.
Ingi
wrote:
Sounds like the grandma was getting a
restraining order because OP was trying to
sneak in (break in?) to grandma's
house!
That's what I thought at first. I hope
the OP clarifies.
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khyryn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Posts: 7 Location: , U.S.A
Posted: 11-14-07 15:18pm
Well actually, we had talked about it and
he said that he wanted 2 get me pregnant.
But after that we talked about it again
and decided against it. But the answer is
it was conceived through "Unprotected
sex". And he knew xactly what he was
doing. That's another reason why I don't
want to abort. I fell like, and it is my
responsiblity to take care of this
situation, and it would be pretty selfish
to kill a baby from my/our stupidity.
His grandma wanted to get a restraining
order before she knew I was pregnant. And
it's because she doesn't want us together
and she caught me when I went over his
house because I was worried about him and
wanted to tell him that I thought I was
pregnant.
I told my parents yesterday and they want
me to get an abortion but say it's my
choice. They think I am going to ruine my
life with a baby. But if I do that I would
be ruining a babies life?!?!?!
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Tylanas
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Posted: 11-14-07 15:40pm
You cannot ruin a life that has not
happened yet; and all I will say is that
it is better to end life before it starts
than to live a life poor, hungry, and
feeling unentitled.
Anyway, it is YOUR choice. I believe your
boyfriend is incredibly immature and does
not deserve to see this child if you do
keep it. However, I agree with your
parents. If you want my advice, it is to
adopt or abort. You are only 16; you are
only a kid. Children should not have
children.
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khyryn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Posts: 7 Location: , U.S.A
Posted: 11-14-07 16:25pm
Well, I agree. But I have done some
resarch and seen some graphic things about
abortion. I have also heard that it can
ruine my chance to conceive/have babies in
the future. And also heightens the risk of
breastcancer. I know that in my heart I
don't want to do that to a living
organism. And I also don't want to give it
a bad life. But not everything is about
finances. I want to have some hope. And
believe that I can still achieve my goals,
and will do anything to help this baby,
but this may just be a huuuuge set back.
And adoption is an option, but either way
is going to hurt me. I'm trying not to be
selfish here.
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Katrinadoodle
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 1231
Posted: 11-14-07 16:40pm
All of that is total bull. I'm currently
pregnant, and I had an abortion three
years ago. You're more likely to have
complications and problems with fertility
after giving birth than you are from an
abortion. Secondly, the breast cancer
rumor is a scare tactic. Think about
it.... they say it is because your body
starts to develop the mammary glands, and
if you abort it causes the glands to go
all screwy. But, honestly, wouldn't the
same be for miscarriages as well? And yet
you don't hear anything about women who
miscarry being more likely to develop
breast cancer.
It is, in the end, your
decision... no one elses. If you feel you
can't abort for reasons of your own, look
up adoption agencies in your state. Figure
out how you're going to afford it. Will
you do an open adoption, or closed? How
are you going to afford the delivery? If
you keep the baby, how are you going to
juggle school, work, and child? It's going
to be tough no matter what you decision
is.
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Ingi
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Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8924 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
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Posted: 11-14-07 16:46pm
khyryn
wrote:
Well, I agree. But I have
done some resarch and seen some graphic
things about abortion. I have also heard
that it can ruine my chance to
conceive/have babies in the future. And
also heightens the risk of breastcancer. I
know that in my heart I don't want to do
that to a living organism. And I also
don't want to give it a bad life. But not
everything is about finances. I want to
have some hope. And believe that I can
still achieve my goals, and will do
anything to help this baby, but this may
just be a huuuuge set back. And adoption
is an option, but either way is going to
hurt me. I'm trying not to be selfish
here.
These 'statistics' you speak of have all
been proven false. Abortion does
not cause fertility problems! Abortion
does not heighten anyone's risk of breast
cancer! Just because you hear someone say
it, doesn't make it true. The graphic
things you've heard about abortion are
meant to scare you and it has obviously
worked.
You actively persued this pregnancy by not
using protection. Therefore, this was an
INTENDED pregnancy. Whatever you do with
the child is your business.
It isn't a minor setback. This is
not just your life. This
encompasses far more than your mind can
comprehend. Every day for the rest of your
life. Heck, you probably don't even know
what you want to be when you 'grow up' -
but now you have to decide what you are
going to do about having another person
depending on you and only you for the next
18 years.
I think you should go speak with someone
about what your options are. What you want
in your life and what you don't want in
your life.
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 11-14-07 17:01pm
Ingi is right, there is no link between
abortion and breast cancer and having an
abortion does not cause infertility except
in a few very rare cases. It's as likely
to cause infertility as having regular
surgery might be. If you want to know
more about abortion, check out a reputable
website like cdc.gov or webmd.com.
However, if you don't want to have an
abortion you don't have to. I think you
should consider adoption. And I don't
mean just think about it. Look into it.
Call a crisis pregnancy center and ask if
you can come in for an appointment and
look into it. A lot of girls decide
against adoption without ever even getting
enough info about the process. There are
lots of couples who would take care of
your baby and give it the chance you
cannot right now.