Trouble w/social life after I moved to UK Posted: 11-13-07 20:59pm
hi..my problem is that since i came here
(in uk) for studies my life since to be a
disaster. Friends = 0, Boyfriend =
problems, Lessons = I failed as far to
all.. I cannot understand.. it is like
life hates me..i was never easy with
friendships..not because i do not want but
people usually do not approach me and
sometimes i do not know why they hate me
from the first moment they see me. I have
plenty of examples of people who had never
seen me before when they met me the first
thing they said was " not nice to meet u"
and that just after i said my name..i am
loosing easily friends..and honestly..i
can do everything for them..i don't know
y..honestly..i know it sounds weird and
for many years i was trying to find my
fault..and i tried to improve myself, and
i did, but nothing is enough with me..i am
so much disappointed, and this thing with
the lessons really killed me today..in one
day i learned i failed in 2 lessons, i saw
my "friends" gathered in a place and of
course they forgot to call me, and my
boyfriend ignores me..i must be a terrible
person..i cannot explain it other way..in
my home town i have friends and i am in
general a socializing and happy
person..but since i came here..omg..i
never felt worse..
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-13-07 22:36pm
how old are you hun?
|
anniek
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Sep 2007 Posts: 419 Location: , Iowa Usa
Thanks: 15
Thanked:2
Posted: 11-14-07 09:13am
If possible it sounds like you need to
move away and start new. Or head back home
for awhile until you are feeling better
about yourself. I'm sorry, sometimes other
people suck! I feel bad for you! Well you
could probably find some nice people on
here for online friends! Take care and try
to do something to cheer yourself up!
|
reneeisorym
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2007 Posts: 14 Location: Jackson, MS
Posted: 11-14-07 09:50am
Have you ever seen the Teenage Drama Queen
movie? She moved to a new town and was
"different" so not accepted. Your town
may just not be very good at accepting
strangers. It's pretty common for people
not to trust you for a while until you
become a familiar face.
First off, I would give it a while to
settle down. I know that seems hard but
time heals a lot of wounds. First chance I
get, I would get involved in some activity
you like. Church is where I found a lot
of friends. You could try ballet, school
choir, soccor, arts/crafts, or band.
Then, be nice to everyone. Even those who
are mean to you. It'll either make them
madder because you responded that way or
they will like you. I think it's a win
either way! lol Also, walking around with
a mad look on your face will not do any
good. Focus on positive things and get a
smile on your face even if it is fake -- a
good bit of the time, a fake smile soon
turns into a real one. Positivity and
being nice/kind is the key here. It really
changed my life as a teenager (ew.. 10
years ago!). Even when you do get a
network of friends, never stop being nice
to others because it will come back to
reward you in the future.
|
amyamy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2007 Posts: 44
Posted: 11-14-07 17:31pm
well..i am 26 and i came here for my
master course..the pressure is huge..full
of tests and assignments.. and i have no
support..with these girls, well they r
from my country students also.. i cannot
understand their behavior..i never done
sth wrong..it was not my purpose to find
friends from my country, but u know here
in uni everybody r hugging around with
people with the same nationality..so it is
difficult to find another nationality
friend..omg..i just want this course to
finish as soonas possible..
|
anniek
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Sep 2007 Posts: 419 Location: , Iowa Usa
Thanks: 15
Thanked:2
Posted: 11-14-07 18:24pm
Like she said keep a smile on your face!
Don't let other people whom you may never
see again get you down! She was right find
a group to join. You might be suprise who
you find! You will find what you need just
stay positive! How much longer do you
have? What are you studying?
|
amyamy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2007 Posts: 44
Posted: 11-14-07 20:15pm
i'm studying environmental management..and
it is really tough..since now i have
failures..u know i am coming from a
different educational system and i found
it hard to adopt..but i will..i am working
on it..i have to stay here for a year..i
was hopping it would be till april but now
i failed a module so i am afraid i have to
stay at least till summer..u know now my
program is so full with studies that i do
not have time even to cook..plus i feel
alone..to much pressure..sometimes i think
i can control it..but some other i feel to
bend..
|
anniek
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Sep 2007 Posts: 419 Location: , Iowa Usa
Thanks: 15
Thanked:2
Posted: 11-15-07 09:06am
Stick with it and keep your head up high!
You will be fine. I know it's hard but if
you continue with a good attitude you'll
make it! If you feel alone come on here
and start up another chat people on here
will always talk!! You can do it girl!!
Hang in there!! Focus on your studies and
you will be along with your life in no
time!
|
Jules
Supporter
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3688 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 52
Thanked:57
Posted: 11-15-07 12:00pm
Where are you from originally? Sorry if
you already said, I couldn't see it...
I can't believe people are being so rude!
When you described what people were being
like I assumed you were a school kid not
someone in their 20s, that's crazy! I had
a crap time at uni too - I was placed in a
shared flat with French, German and
American girls and the cultural
differences were really noticable.
Sometimes it's a vicious circle, if you
don't click with the first collection of
people you meet your confidence takes a
bashing so you find it harder to meet
others.
I agree with the advice about going to a
club. I started doing Aikido and met some
great people through that.
Please don't think all British people are
as horrible as the ones you've met - it
sounds like you've had the bad luck to
meet some real chumheads but there are
some lovely people out there just waiting
to meet you.
Keep posting here too, you're never
alone!
Jules.
|
amyamy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2007 Posts: 44
Posted: 11-15-07 17:11pm
thnx all of u for the support!
Well..these people are not
British,actually they r from my
country..and this is the annoying, i do
not understand what they think they r
doing here and why they do it but what can
i say..i just take the goods and try to
adapt in this situation..after all my
classes r so many and so difficult that i
cannot follow them..they looks like they r
having vacations here, while i am running
like a real crazy. Fortunately people in
my course are very nice and helpful.. i
find a real support from them and i
appreciate it a lot..people from different
countries really helped me in go on with
this class..(as i said before i was never
cared to make friends only from my
country, but unfortunately this is how
things works here..) i try to not care
about the rest..
|
haille
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 81
Re: Trouble W/social Life After I Moved to Uk Posted: 11-15-07 22:07pm
amyamy
wrote:
hi..my problem is that since
i came here (in uk) for studies my life
since to be a disaster. Friends = 0,
Boyfriend = problems, Lessons = I failed
as far to all.. I cannot understand.. it
is like life hates me..i was never easy
with friendships..not because i do not
want but people usually do not approach me
and sometimes i do not know why they hate
me from the first moment they see me. I
have plenty of examples of people who had
never seen me before when they met me the
first thing they said was " not nice to
meet u" and that just after i said my
name..i am loosing easily friends..and
honestly..i can do everything for them..i
don't know y..honestly..i know it sounds
weird and for many years i was trying to
find my fault..and i tried to improve
myself, and i did, but nothing is enough
with me..i am so much disappointed, and
this thing with the lessons really killed
me today..in one day i learned i failed in
2 lessons, i saw my "friends" gathered in
a place and of course they forgot to call
me, and my boyfriend ignores me..i must be
a terrible person..i cannot explain it
other way..in my home town i have friends
and i am in general a socializing and
happy person..but since i came
here..omg..i never felt
worse..
I will start by telling you that your
first mistake was making an attempt to
please anyone. That is impossible. It's
like seeking and expecting to attain
perfection.
I would suggest that you spend your
precious time concentrating on your
studies. This does have both benefits,
and it should be a priority, even over
your lack of friends issue.
In my experience, the less friends that
you have the better off you are.
Take this time that you seem to perceive
as a lonely negative time and turn it into
a time of silent but productive self
discovery.
Re: Trouble W/social Life After I Moved to Uk Posted: 11-17-07 11:10am
amyamy
wrote:
hi..my problem is that since
i came here (in uk) for studies my life
since to be a disaster. Friends = 0,
Boyfriend = problems, Lessons = I failed
as far to all.. I cannot understand.. it
is like life hates me..i was never easy
with friendships..not because i do not
want but people usually do not approach me
and sometimes i do not know why they hate
me from the first moment they see me. I
have plenty of examples of people who had
never seen me before when they met me the
first thing they said was " not nice to
meet u" and that just after i said my
name..i am loosing easily friends..and
honestly..i can do everything for them..i
don't know y..honestly..i know it sounds
weird and for many years i was trying to
find my fault..and i tried to improve
myself, and i did, but nothing is enough
with me..i am so much disappointed, and
this thing with the lessons really killed
me today..in one day i learned i failed in
2 lessons, i saw my "friends" gathered in
a place and of course they forgot to call
me, and my boyfriend ignores me..i must be
a terrible person..i cannot explain it
other way..in my home town i have friends
and i am in general a socializing and
happy person..but since i came
here..omg..i never felt
worse..
I just moved to Nevada from California and
I've tried several times to make friends
up here but it just seems impossible. My
bf's work is up here and I stay at home,
I'm 33 weeks prego and will be a stay at
home mom. I never did make female friends
easily and that used to be just gravy with
me, now that I'm pregnant I want female
friends. I'm so lonely and I often get
depressed about it. I am 25 (young I
know), but I feel terrible also that in
the past few years I've done nothing for
myself and I have had a really rocky
relationship. No1 calls me, even the few
friends and family that I have so I feel
your pain. Since my move I have almost no
human to human contact with anyone but the
ppl in wal-mart where I shop lol. I guess
when my daughter is born things might
change and maybe more ppl up here will
come around and want to be friends with me
then. There is hope for
us, I think it's just a bump in the road
but it will soon smooth out for the both
of us, we can't let it knock us down!
|
amyamy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2007 Posts: 44
I Just Moved to Nevada From California And I've Tried Several Ti Posted: 11-18-07 15:34pm
have u tried to join some activities,
clubs or sth like that? (sorry for my
english but it is not my mother
language..) i mean r there any activities
for pregnant women? like gym or group
discussions or sth like that? Why yr
family don't call u?
U know here since i started to ignore them
i think things goes better..but u know i
do not care anymore..i have so much work
to do that i really do not care about
them..and they r calling me and inviting
me to their homes etc..i hate this kind of
behavior..But sometimes people do not
appreciate u if u r nice and kind with
them, sometimes they prefer to be ignored
because u give them the impression that u
don't care anymore and they try to get yr
interest back..or maybe because this way
they feel u as a superior..I find this
kind of behavior really stupid but what
can i say..if they do not appreciate my
kindness i can be an problem..i think that
this kind of people do not deserve any
kindness from u..
for example..they really appreciate one
girl who : 1. take their cigarettes (and
here they r expensive..) 2. eat their
food without helping in cooking or with
shopping (to not mention money) 3. she
gossips everyone (including me) and in a
bad manor.. 4. she make them feel
uncomfortable because of her behavior..
i have seen this story before..sometimes
people love this kind of behavior, and
unfortunately most of the time..since they
like to be behaved like that y should i be
bothered?? i just ignore them and things
goes fine..
I know how hard it is, but it worked for
me, do not let them to loose yr self
esteem. Just be yrself and everyone who
likes u is welcome, if they don't better
leave u alone..i mean..sometimes some
personalities r not easily accepted from
other people. But u cannot change who u r.
And this doesn't mean that u have a bad
personality. Maybe they r scared from
u..maybe u make them feel inferior, maybe
they just have nothing in common with u..
1000 maybe..U can improve yrself but u
cannot change what u r. And if u try to do
it, the result is sth ugly. Find yrself.
Who u really are, what u really like, what
u really want. Let yr personality go out
and someone will come sooner or later..
I know this problem..i live it now, i
lived it in the past. But the only
solution i found was this: Let my
personality go out and wait. I was
thinking (at the past) that i am a bad
person, but at the end i found that i just
do not match with most of people..and what
can i do for that? i cannot change who i
am..so i waited and I had good results..
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This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
There is hope for
us, I think it's just a bump in the road
but it will soon smooth out for the both
of us, we can't let it knock us down!