Is it a good idea to ask my 3 month pregnant G/F To Marry me?
Yes
66%
[ 8 ]
No
0%
[ 0 ]
Are you retarded?
33%
[ 4 ]
Total Votes : 12
Author
Message
bobojo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Nov 2007 Posts: 31 Location: , Canada
I Need Your Opinion Posted: 11-15-07 00:47am
Hi, I need some opinions, I am deeply in
love with this girl and she is 3 months
pregnant and we plan on having the child.
I already have things sorted out with what
I plan on doing with this Thanks to The
replys from my other post. I know the
responsability of having a child and I
know I want to spend the rest of my life
with this girl and she feels the same. I
would just like to know what everyone
thinks.
|
soldierswifey
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Nov 2007 Posts: 225 Location: , ny usa
Posted: 11-15-07 00:54am
are you ready for marrage....i dated me
husband for almost 3 years before we got
married and weve been married for 2 years
plus and still to this day some of the
things he says and does amazes me....many
close friends and relative believed we
were too young to get married but we didnt
care we loved each other,we still do so my
honest opinion is...if you feel like your
ready,and believe you can take care of
your new family when you do get married
then go ahead and go for it...its not
gonna be easy but if you set your mind to
it anything can happen
good luck and feel free to pm me anytime
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-15-07 08:51am
If this were just a relatively short time
ago in history, you would HAVE TO marry
her.
In my opinion, once the two of you decided
to have a baby, you in effect committed to
at least an 18 year partnership. Also, if
you want to automatically be legally your
child's father, you need to be married.
Otherwise, you'd have to go through the
court system to legally prove your
paternity.
If you love each other enough to
purposefully have a child, you are in love
enough to be married.
When I see people saying to a couple in
your situation that they should wait to
make sure, blah, blah, blah, it seems like
it is disrespecting the future baby. It's
as if they are saying that it's ok to plan
a baby on a whim, but to be married
takes more thought and is a bigger
decision.
BALONEY!
It is selfish to purposefully have a baby
and not be married, in my opinion. Why
have that poor kid born illegitimate, ON
PURPOSE? It's like throwing an obstacle
in front of him or her before they even
get started.
Also, imarriage shows respect to your
girlfriend and her family. Otherwise she
would have to bear the stigma of being an
unwed mother, and that stigma also effects
her family. Whether or not that stigma is
fair is irrelevant. The point is it
exists, and it's better to not have that
burden in the first place.
|
Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10769 Location: ,
Thanks: 53
Thanked:35
Posted: 11-15-07 09:14am
you're 16 and she's 15... i had to go with
"are you retarded"?!
futureshock
wrote:
Why have that poor kid born
illegitimate, ON PURPOSE? It's like
throwing an obstacle in front of him or
her before they even get started.
what year are you living in?
|
Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8434 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 121
Thanked:156
Posted: 11-15-07 09:57am
No. It is my belief you should not get
married. It is also my belief that
teenagers should not be having children. I
can have that opinion because I was a
teenage mother. So it is not being
derogatory in nature to say teenagers are
children and have no business having
children. It is coming from a position of
knowing.
That said, I also got married at 16 years
old and I will tell you this very
honestly, I had no idea what marriage
meant. Honestly. You don't either.
Finish HIGH SCHOOL. Go to college. Both of
you. Then consider marriage.
Getting married isn't the right
thing to do in this situation.
|
sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 960 Location: , England
Posted: 11-15-07 11:18am
BridgetHeartsFinn
wrote:
you're 16 and she's 15... i
had to go with "are you retarded"?!
futureshock
wrote:
Why have that poor kid born
illegitimate, ON PURPOSE? It's like
throwing an obstacle in front of him or
her before they even get started.
what year are you living
in?
I voted the same. Way too young for
marriage imo.
futureshock how is being born out of
wedlock an obstacle for a child? As long
as it grows up loved and well looked
after, thats what counts.
|
Emma2
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2006 Posts: 4406 Location: Montreal, Canada
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-15-07 11:38am
It is selfish to purposefully have a baby
and not be married, in my opinion. Why
have that poor kid born illegitimate, ON
PURPOSE? It's like throwing an obstacle in
front of him or her before they even get
started.
thank god it's only your opinion and
nothing more.
Marriage does not make this child more or
less. Every child and human being just
needs love . Your thinking is a little old
fashion
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-15-07 12:31pm
sick_mama17
wrote:
BridgetHeartsFinn
wrote:
you're 16 and she's 15... i
had to go with "are you
retarded"?!
It's "retarded" to plan
to have a child at that age also, is it
not?
sick_mama17
wrote:
futureshock
wrote:
Why have that poor kid born
illegitimate, ON PURPOSE? It's like
throwing an obstacle in front of him or
her before they even get started.
what year are you living
in?
I voted the same. Way too young for
marriage imo.
But not too young to be parents? How does
that possibly make sense?
sick_mama17
wrote:
futureshock how is being born out of
wedlock an obstacle for a child? As long
as it grows up loved and well looked
after, thats what
counts.
Here is what is wrong with that question:
The main obstacle to growing up loved and
well looked after IS being born
illegitimate.
research shows that nearly half the
children of single mothers live in poverty
(four times the rate for children with
married parents), and their rates of
substance abuse, male incarceration, and
teen pregnancy are two to three times
greater.
Unmarried, cohabiting mothers do not fare
much better. They are twice as likely to
break up within five years compared with
married mothers, and their children have
more than twice the poverty rate, poorer
school and behavioral outcomes, and
dramatically higher exposure to abuse than
children with married parents.
The growth in single-parent families
remains the single most important reason
for increased poverty among children over
the last twenty years, as documented in
the 1998 Economic Report of the President.
Out-of-wedlock childbearing (as opposed to
divorce) is currently the driving force
behind the growth in the number of single
parents, and half of first out-of-wedlock
births are to teens.7 Therefore, reducing
teen pregnancy and child-bearing is an
obvious place to anchor serious efforts to
reduce poverty in future generations.
Teen pregnancy costs society billions of
dollars a year. There are nearly half a
million children born to teen mothers each
year. Most of these mothers are unmarried,
and many will end up poor and on welfare.
Each year the federal government alone
spends about $9 billion to help families
that began with a teenage birth.
FACTS
FACT: The environment that allows children
to thrive the most is provided by the
natural family
Other than the widowed family, all other
forms of the family unit--aside from the
natural family--involve some form of
personal rejection, whether between the
mother and father (in divorce and some
out-of-wedlock births) or in the form of
an ambivalence of affection and commitment
(in most out-of-wedlock births and
cohabitation). An analysis of available
data shows that nearly one-third of all
children conceived today will be aborted;
one-third of those that are not will be
born out-of-wedlock; and 40 percent of
those born to married parents will
experience the divorce of their parents
before age 18.
FACT: The safest place for children is
living in an intact married family; the
most dangerous is a home where the mother
lives with a boyfriend.
Children raised outside of the
always-intact married family are at
greater risk of serious child abuse--six
times more likely in a step family; 13
times more likely in the
single-mother-living-alone family; 20
times more likely in the
cohabiting-natural-parent family; and 33
times more likely when the mother lives
with a boyfriend. Abuse resulting in death
is 73 times more likely when a mother
lives with a boyfriend.
FACT: The safest relationship for women is
marriage; the most dangerous is
cohabitation.
Federal survey data found domestic
violence against women to be almost three
times higher among cohabiting couples than
among couples who have ever been married
(that is, married, separated, and/or
divorced), and almost five times higher
than among currently married couples.
FACT: The intact married family is the
best mental health, school preparation,
and drug prevention "program" there is.
Children born or raised outside of
marriage are more likely to suffer mental
health problems; they suffer depression
and commit suicide more often. Children
whose parents were not married have showed
an increased likelihood of having lower
verbal IQ, lower school performance, and
lower school attendance, all leading to
lower job attainment and lower income.
Teenagers whose parents have divorced have
used cocaine almost twice as much as
children in intact married families, and
children in single-parent families have
used cocaine almost three times as much.
FACT: One-third of all children are born
out of wedlock, and much more often to
adult women than to teens.
Recent survey data from the Fragile
Families Survey conducted by Princeton and
Columbia Universities show that the
majority of the fathers and mothers of
children born out of wedlock are
romantically involved. Most of these
couples also reported a 50-50 chance of
getting married. One major obstacle:
federal welfare and tax policy.
FACT: The rate of divorce among couples
who have lived together before they marry
is twice the rate of divorce among those
who have not lived together before
marriage.
Cohabitation is a fragile living
arrangement. Not only are couples more
likely to divorce if they live together
first, but those who cohabit, split, and
then marry someone else eventually divorce
at four times the rate of those who do not
cohabit before marriage.
FACT: Children in broken families are more
likely to commit juvenile crime.
When it comes to juvenile crime rates,
marriage matters a lot. For instance, in
Wisconsin--the only government entity to
have published family background
data--teenagers of always-single-parent
families are 22 times more likely to end
up in jail than are those from two-parent
families.
The huge differences in rates of crime
among black and white teenagers virtually
vanish when one controls for family
background. In other words, black
teenagers and white teenagers from broken
families have similar rates of juvenile
crime: They are high. Black teenagers and
white teenagers from intact married
parents also have similar rates of
juvenile crime: They are low.
Finally, fairly recent findings from a
U.S. longitudinal study of more than 6,400
boys conducted over 20 years show that
children who grow up without their
biological father in the home are roughly
three times more likely to commit crimes
that lead to incarceration than are
children from intact families.
FACT: A child is 50 percent more likely to
die during infancy if born out of
wedlock.
Children born outside of marriage have 1.5
times the risk of low birthweight; and low
birthweight increases their susceptibility
to neonatal illnesses, which make a baby
significantly more likely to die in
infancy.
FACT: Marriage also provides the safest
environment for a child before birth. Both
national surveys conducted by the Alan
Guttmacher Institute, the research
institute used by Planned Parenthood, show
that being conceived outside of marriage
quadruples the chances of a child being
aborted.
FACT: Poverty is predominantly a
phenomenon of the broken family.
Children living in always-single-parent
families are six times more likely to live
in poverty than are children in married
families. The two-parent family puts much
more into the marketplace and gets much
more out of it.
In 2000, 80 percent of children in the
bottom quintile of income lived in
single-parent families. .
FACT: The welfare state spends virtually
nothing on restoring marriage among the
poor.
The welfare reform act of 1996 mandated
that states use a portion of their federal
Temporary Assistance to Needy Families
funds to promote marriage. With only a few
exceptions, however, the states have not
done so. In 2000, the states budgeted only
0.16 percent of the $7.3 billion surplus
TANF money that had accumulated
nationally.
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8434 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 121
Thanked:156
Posted: 11-15-07 12:45pm
Show us facts and statistics on Teenage
Parenthood with Marriage. Are these
statistics based on Adult marriage?
Future, were you a teen mom? Get married
as a teen?
|
Katrinadoodle
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 1231
Posted: 11-15-07 12:46pm
futureshock, you're also a little off on
the fact that this was a planned child.
He did not
plan this baby. His girlfriend went
and tried to get pregnant without
discussing it with him, which I think is
the lowest, shittiest thing to do. I also
think that would completely destroy the
trust in the relationship, and forcing
marriage into it is just a horribly bad
idea all around. It will never last, not
as long as his girlfriend is acting like
an irresponsible, immature child with no
regards to others wishes and lives.
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-15-07 12:54pm
Katrinadoodle
wrote:
futureshock, you're also a
little off on the fact that this was a
planned child. He did not plan this baby.
His girlfriend went and tried to get
pregnant without discussing it with him,
which I think is the lowest, shittiest
thing to do. I also think that would
completely destroy the trust in the
relationship, and forcing marriage into it
is just a horribly bad idea all around. It
will never last, not as long as his
girlfriend is acting like an
irresponsible, immature child with no
regards to others wishes and
lives.
If you read through the first, long thread
he started, you will see that they
reconciled all of that and decided
together to go ahead with the pregnancy.
|
Katrinadoodle
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 1231
Posted: 11-15-07 12:55pm
futureshock
wrote:
If you read through the
first, long thread he started, you will
see that they reconciled all of that and
decided together to go ahead with the
pregnancy.
But he didn't actually plan to get her
pregnant, which is a world of difference.
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-15-07 13:04pm
Katrinadoodle
wrote:
futureshock
wrote:
If you read through the
first, long thread he started, you will
see that they reconciled all of that and
decided together to go ahead with the
pregnancy.
But he didn't actually plan to get her
pregnant, which is a world of
difference.
That's right, however,
she offered to abort the pregnancy.
They decided together, after they
reconciled her behavior, etc., to go ahead
and have the baby.
I'd be the first one telling him to get
out of dodge if I didn't believe how much
he loves his gf and will love their future
child. Also, it sounds more and more like
the child will be at risk without him
there to help care for it, and keep an eye
on the child's mother.
|
Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8434 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 121
Thanked:156
Posted: 11-15-07 13:06pm
The child is already at risk by the
girlfriend's behavior - thereby proving
(to me!) that she is not of an age where
she should be parenting a child.
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-15-07 13:15pm
Maybe they should be thinking about
adoption at this point.
|
Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8434 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 121
Thanked:156
Posted: 11-15-07 13:25pm
They should think of the life of the
child. This isn't a baby doll. This is
someone's LIFE that is being screwed up
with the affects of drugs. Oh sure it was
just this once. But what happens the next
time? She could have seriously damaged
this child for what? A fight with her
father! What happens when something really
bad happens? Like she can't afford
formula? Or the baby cried non-stop for 4
hours?
They both need to stop and really think
about what is going on. This is not fun
and games, this is real and they both need
to grow up in a big fat hurry!
|
sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007 Posts: 960 Location: , England
Posted: 11-15-07 14:07pm
You dont know what kind of parent each
individual woman/girl will be, whether
shes married or not.
I think shes too young to get married, I
didnt say anything about being too young
to have a baby did I? I do think its too
young to have a baby aswell. The point was
about marriage.
|
Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8434 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 121
Thanked:156
Posted: 11-15-07 14:10pm
sick_mama17
wrote:
You dont know what kind of
parent each individual woman/girl will be,
whether shes married or not.
I think shes too young to get married, I
didnt say anything about being too young
to have a baby did I? I do think its too
young to have a baby aswell. The point was
about marriage.
I think she is too immature to have a
baby.
|
Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-15-07 16:04pm
It's a little late now.
|
Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8434 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 121
Thanked:156
Posted: 11-15-07 16:07pm
futureshock
wrote:
It's a little late
now.
No it isn't. There is still adoption. The
child doesn't have to be ruined.
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
So it is not being
derogatory in nature to say teenagers are
children and have no business having
children. It is coming from a position of
knowing.
