I Need Your Opinion

futureshock,

I was born illegitimate to my parents when my father didn't even want a child. Since then, my parents have been married for 15 years (I'm 18 ), they've been together for 25, and my father is possibly the best father and man I've ever met. Not only were my parents unmarried when they had me, they split up before I was born as well. A marriage would not have ended well if they forced it upon themselves when my mother was pregnant. I'm very glad they chose what they did, and I've never once felt like I had an obstacle in my way. I've never once been unhappy with their decision not to marry before I was born. If they would of married, they would of had extra pressure on themselves and thankfully, they were able to raise me and spend all their time on me, and not fight like a lot of newlyweds do in the first couple years.

I know that this is not the way it is for everyone, but many many children these days are born out of wedlock and don't feel hampered because of this. This shouldn't be about the child only, because it's obvious the guy wants to be there and whether or not he's married to his girlfriend won't affect his ability to care for his child. Later on, when they're actually adults and don't need parental consent to get married (which I think takes away from the idea of being married) and have had a lot of time together (and with the baby) they'll see if they're actually meant for eachother and whether or not this will work.

You argued that them not getting married will negatively affect the child. But having seen first hand many times the effect of a divorce on a young child, I'll argue that if they get married they have a statistically low chance of staying together and that will be even more harmful to the child. I don't mean to jump down your throat, but it's my firm belief that marriage and raising children should be taken very very seriously. And since they've already made a choice with getting pregnant, they should take their time with this decision. I personally think they made a bad decision in trying to get pregnant but they will deal with it, and I'm happy that at least he's stepping up to the plate.

Do you honestly think couples who are unmarried stay together more often than married couples?

What are their alternatives here? Just living together? Do you think a married couple divorcing is any worse on a child than unmarried couples splitting up?

I would agree with you if in this situation there was an unplanned pregnancy. But this couple together decided to have this baby.

His parents don't even know. He lives 6 hours away which is a HUGE lifechange - not to mention the child coming AND a marriage... Her parents are, from what we've been told, verbally abusive towards her.

I'm thinking this is doomed before it starts.

What does the marriage have going for it so far?

I thank you all for you opinions and the points you have made, I find it kinda funny tho, how most of you just say Too Young, Don't Know what you are getting into..I was going to wait to ask her to, And My parents do know i told my father yesterday, And i was suprised they are very supportive in the situation. Ive honestly spent alot of time thinking about all this. me and her have talked about all the options and i am moving in with her this weekend. She needs me more than ever right know and As you say she has shown to be immature to have a baby by doing drugs, I admit that was very very dumb and an immature thing to do she doesnt know why she turned to them and she regrets it more than anything i was up all nite last night with her because she was Crying and very upset she did so. We have both decided that I needed to move down there to be with her to help her through this..She has been going through it mostly on her own other than when i visit her...which i feel horrible about. I plan on holding off to ask her to even tho she realli wants to. I seen some mentions of the option of adoption...We have thought about that but we both do not want that for our child...We have many people who are willing to help, and When i move down there i already have a full time job set up as soon as i get there, and as for school I am going to be taking nite courses which will get me my grade 12 by march:). I have thought about all this long and hard..and it seems like the right thing to do. I am sorry some of you think that I am immature about this situation, but as far as i can see i am handling it the best i can...I am going to do everything for our child and her.
I have talked with her father and mother about how they have been treating her, and they had no idea that they were putting her through so much, they were just trying to incourage her to continue school, were now she is getting home schooled so she will be able to continue her education and not be under the stress she is getting at school.

Well everything sound just perfect then. Good luck!

That is too bad about the stress she was under at school. Were the other kids treating her poorly? Were her teachers treating her differently? How does anyone even know she is pregnant at school? (Or does the stress have nothing to do with all of this?}

I'm glad you are going to be there. Your child has a much better chance of being born healthy with you there to watch over them.

Best wishes to you both.

Yes the stess had somthing to do with both of those, One of her friend had noticed she had been getting bigger in the stomach and asked her, so she told her and asked her not to say anything so people wouldnt bother her about it, But i guess a secret like that was to much for her friend and word eventually got around to student and teachers, They have been telling her that, Im gonna leave her because thats what every guy does. and Her she has told me a couple of her teachers are understanding and try to help make her most comfortable in the class as possible, But she also has said some of her other teachers do not like the idea of teenage pregnancy..and have been very rough on her.

Wow, with a friend like that girl who told everyone, who needs enemies?

Did you guys used to live near each other and then one of you moved away? Or how did you meet, otherwise?

That's too bad about how everyone is treating her. I wonder if she thought about any of this before she decided to get pregnant?


Well, I'm just glad both of you will graduate.

Its actually kind of strange how we met..I met her 2 years ago, She is a distant relative of my best friend. We have been dating for a while, and I usually have gone down to see her every weekend, until my fathers condition where i had to stay home and watch my Siblings while he and my step mother have been going to the hospital for check ups on him and to run more tests.

Wow, that's romantic, (and a long drive!) Has she ever been to your town?

Yes she has, Thats actually where i met her, at my friends house. She used to come down every so offten but she had a hard time finding ways down,while I could get there without much problems. But That doesnt matter any more. Tomorow I am going up there to live with her, which will make things alot easier on the both of us. 8-D

Drive safely. Soon a little someone will need you more than anything.

I dont believe that having a child is a reason to rush into marriage... if you do choose to propose wait it out.. a baby can bring the best/worst out of people... see if you two truly belong together

Ideally, seeing if you truly belong together, then getting married, then having children, would be the way to go.