Hello. I wasn't sure where to post this so
I thought i'd put it here so that i can
have a guys opinion. My boyfriend and i
have been living together for over a year
and a half. we used to have sex often, now
we don't. it only happens maybe once every
2 weeks, not even. I found a used condom
in the garbage, so obviously hes been
masterbating. I used to think that it was
gross, but I'm really trying to overcome
that because its normal to do it. however,
what bothers me is that he chose
masterbation over sex. why didnt he come
to me if he was in the mood? i've been
wanting it lately, so he should have just
came to me. i dont understand. guys...
should i be worried?
|
MikeH90
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Mar 2007 Posts: 328 Location: , Illinois USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Re: An Issue!! Posted: 11-15-07 10:40am
anony88
wrote:
Hello. I wasn't sure where
to post this so I thought i'd put it here
so that i can have a guys opinion. My
boyfriend and i have been living together
for over a year and a half. we used to
have sex often, now we don't. it only
happens maybe once every 2 weeks, not
even. I found a used condom in the
garbage, so obviously hes been
masterbating. I used to think that it was
gross, but I'm really trying to overcome
that because its normal to do it. however,
what bothers me is that he chose
masterbation over sex. why didnt he come
to me if he was in the mood? i've been
wanting it lately, so he should have just
came to me. i dont understand. guys...
should i be
worried?
I'd be worried. Why would a guy use a
condom to masturbate? Are you certain he
isn't cheating?
|
Mikolas
Moderator
Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 597 Location: Buffalo University, Hands off! My trained killer kitten has its aim set upon you!
Thanks: 17
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-15-07 11:42am
Perhaps you shouldn't only be thinking
about him and what might be the issue with
him? There is a possibility that he could
be cheating, because it seems illogical to
me that one would use a condom to
masturbate, but don't be so concerned just
yet because there are many variables and
lack of evidence.
So assuming that cheating isn't the issue,
do you think it might have been something
you have done in the past that might have
led him to stop having sex with you?
Masturbating apart from sex is normal,
masturbating over sex would probably mean
something.
I'm not sure, but why must he come to you
when he is in the mood? Why don't you go
to him, from what you have stated, it
seems you are very passive when it comes
to the sex life. It sounds like even if
you crave it, you wouldn't do much about
it until he comes to you. This is just a
conjecture from what you stated, but if
this is the case, why don't you try being
dominant now and then. Mike and I told
this to somebody else earlier.
If you are passive, I'd ask you to try
being dominant and pouncing on him instead
of just waiting. See how he is after that
change, and if he is still masturbating
and not showing much interest in having
sex with you, then you should be worried.
A nice little chat might be required with
or without trying to be the sexy
dominatrix.
|
marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1099 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 11-15-07 12:42pm
Have you had a good heart to heart with
him about it? I know guys often hate the
whole emotional discussion thing, but if
this is important to you, he'll be
receptive.
Also... masturbating with a condom? Sounds
somewhat peculiar.. why waste a condom on
masturbating? Infidelity might be in the
cards, though don't jump to conclusions.
Talk to him!
|
anony88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 14
Re: An Issue!! Posted: 11-15-07 15:23pm
MikeH90
wrote:
anony88
wrote:
Hello. I wasn't sure where
to post this so I thought i'd put it here
so that i can have a guys opinion. My
boyfriend and i have been living together
for over a year and a half. we used to
have sex often, now we don't. it only
happens maybe once every 2 weeks, not
even. I found a used condom in the
garbage, so obviously hes been
masterbating. I used to think that it was
gross, but I'm really trying to overcome
that because its normal to do it. however,
what bothers me is that he chose
masterbation over sex. why didnt he come
to me if he was in the mood? i've been
wanting it lately, so he should have just
came to me. i dont understand. guys...
should i be
worried?
I'd be worried. Why would a guy use a
condom to masturbate? Are you certain he
isn't
cheating?
Yeah I know he's not cheating..
|
MikeH90
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Mar 2007 Posts: 328 Location: , Illinois USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Re: An Issue!! Posted: 11-15-07 15:26pm
anony88
wrote:
MikeH90
wrote:
anony88
wrote:
Hello. I wasn't sure where
to post this so I thought i'd put it here
so that i can have a guys opinion. My
boyfriend and i have been living together
for over a year and a half. we used to
have sex often, now we don't. it only
happens maybe once every 2 weeks, not
even. I found a used condom in the
garbage, so obviously hes been
masterbating. I used to think that it was
gross, but I'm really trying to overcome
that because its normal to do it. however,
what bothers me is that he chose
masterbation over sex. why didnt he come
to me if he was in the mood? i've been
wanting it lately, so he should have just
came to me. i dont understand. guys...
should i be
worried?
I'd be worried. Why would a guy use a
condom to masturbate? Are you certain he
isn't
cheating?
Yeah I know he's not
cheating..
Well thats good. Find out why he uses a
condom, I'm curious as to why a guy would
do that? No tissue or toliet paper around?
|
anony88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 14
Posted: 11-15-07 15:27pm
Mikolas
wrote:
Perhaps you shouldn't only
be thinking about him and what might be
the issue with him? There is a possibility
that he could be cheating, because it
seems illogical to me that one would use a
condom to masturbate, but don't be so
concerned just yet because there are many
variables and lack of evidence.
So assuming that cheating isn't the issue,
do you think it might have been something
you have done in the past that might have
led him to stop having sex with you?
Masturbating apart from sex is normal,
masturbating over sex would probably mean
something.
I'm not sure, but why must he come to you
when he is in the mood? Why don't you go
to him, from what you have stated, it
seems you are very passive when it comes
to the sex life. It sounds like even if
you crave it, you wouldn't do much about
it until he comes to you. This is just a
conjecture from what you stated, but if
this is the case, why don't you try being
dominant now and then. Mike and I told
this to somebody else earlier.
If you are passive, I'd ask you to try
being dominant and pouncing on him instead
of just waiting. See how he is after that
change, and if he is still masturbating
and not showing much interest in having
sex with you, then you should be worried.
A nice little chat might be required with
or without trying to be the sexy
dominatrix.
Hi, thanks for your reply.. you're right,
I am passive, and I do have a hard time
initiating. I'll try to initiate more,
because that might be the issue. Thanks
for your thoughts.
|
anony88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 14
Posted: 11-15-07 15:30pm
marvel
wrote:
Have you had a good heart to
heart with him about it? I know guys often
hate the whole emotional discussion thing,
but if this is important to you, he'll be
receptive.
Also... masturbating with a condom? Sounds
somewhat peculiar.. why waste a condom on
masturbating? Infidelity might be in the
cards, though don't jump to conclusions.
Talk to him!
Hey, thanks for the reply. I haven't had a
good chat with him about it yet, but I
plan to tonight; however, it's hard to
have an emotional chat with him beause he
gets frustrated and i just cry, and things
don't really go anywhere. But i do think
that it's important for me to talk to him,
so I will. Thanks.
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
Posted: 11-16-07 17:35pm
I'm not trying to suggest that you're
wrong, but really- if you found a used
condom, why did you assume it was from
masturbating? Have you seen him masturbate
with condoms in the past?
Just curious.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-16-07 17:56pm
Yeah, I wouldn't assume masturbation
either and I know that's terrible. Do you
two use condoms during sex? Maybe he just
found one that had "disappeared" after sex
and threw it away?
Secondly, I have no problem with a man I
am dating masturbating. That shouldn't be
your worry.
