Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 1574 Location: Cold, Maine
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
I Can't Take This Anymore. I Have to Get This Off My Chest. Posted: 11-21-07 20:32pm
This is what has really been going on.
To start this off, I haven't said anything
about the situation with Nick and me
lately because I didn't want any of you to
think I was trash, or unable to be a mom.
Nick is scaring me. About a week and a
half ago, Nick came home drunk around 1:15
AM, started yelling at me, calling me
names, and breaking everything in sight.
He grabbed me and shook me, and I was
floored. I didn't know what to do. He was
completely out of control, so I called the
police. They showed up and he ran. When
they found him at his parent's house,
which is a few streets over, they told him
to stay away for 24 hours. He came back
within two.
He was remorseful, so I let him back in.
He then became even more upset than he was
and started throwing things and breaking
things and saying things to me that nobody
has ever said. I called the police again.
I was so scared. When they came the second
time, he ran again and took the keys with
him. They asked me some questions.
Previously, I had left out the fact that
he grabbed me and shook me, but this time
I told them. He has raised his hand to me
before, but he has never gotten so close
to violent.
At around 4 AM I called Spruce Run which
is a women's shelter, because I was so
shaken and scared because he had the keys
with him and the police still hadn't found
him. They said they couldn't do anything
because he didn't "really hurt me". I
guess you have to be beaten to a pulp
before they do anything, huh? After I hung
up with them, Nick called me. I asked
where he was and he told me he was walking
around in the woods to hide, and he was at
his parent's now because the police showed
up there but they had left. They told me
to call them if I got in contact with him
because he broke the law. I called them,
and they arrested him.
When he got out the next day he told me he
wanted counseling. We also had to contact
the court to amend his bail and stuff like
that, so yesterday (a week and a half
later) we had a hearing and they amended
his bail under the condition he will take
anger management and substance abuse
counseling.
Last night was fine. Today was rocky. He
immediately starts blaming EVERYTHING on
me. I missed work today because I couldn't
get myself together. Luckily my manager is
understanding.
Anyways, tonight he went to the store with
his mother and his friend to get some
groceries. He said he would be home in
about a half hour. 40 minutes goes by and
he says he's at his parent's getting some
things together and he's going to his
friend's house (four of them live
together, and they're all alcoholics and
potheads) and I asked him to please not
smoke pot. I don't like it when he does,
or how he acts. He got upset with me and
said if I ever try to control him again,
it's over. He also said that his ex tried
to control this aspect of his life and
that's why he cheated on her. He told me
to get out of his life and just stay away
from him.
I don't know what to do. I'm sorry this
was so long. I'm hurting so much and have
nobody else to talk to about it. I want
help, but I don't know where to get it.
This is killing me.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-21-07 20:35pm
katie
im sorry but you need to be DONE
please honey
please let him go
please
im seriously worried about the situation
im so sorry
why didnt you tell us hun! we wont think
anything bad of you!!!
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-21-07 20:40pm
katie i know its hard but for your sake
and this babies sake please dont let him
do this to you
ive been there
and it sucks
i spent my 15th birthday beaten up. in the
cold all alone at a convienet store at
2am. please dont let nick traet you they
way i was treated a few years ago
please
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3689 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
Posted: 11-21-07 20:41pm
wow.. i dont have much to say.. but im
sorry this is happening to you.. did you
tell the womans shelter that you are
pregnant and your worried he may hurt you
and the baby?
have you talked to your parents.. i think
you would be best off to leave him, i konw
it might not be what you want to hear. but
if hes like this you dont want him around
you baby doing things like this.. see if
your parents can help you out..
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ladylee70
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2006 Posts: 1912 Location: Boise, Idaho,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-21-07 20:43pm
Oh my huh. I am so glad you opened up to
us. People here are so understanding. This
situation no way reflects on your ability
to be a great mom.
Does he mainly get like that when he is
drunk? Do you suspect that he is doing
drugs without your knowledge?
Do you two live together?
I am really concerned for your safety and
that of your child - really concerned.
Are you usually scared (semi-scared)
around him? Do you constantly find
yourself wondering when the next time he
will "flip out" will be? Do you find he is
getting worse or is he pretty much the
same as he has always been? Does abuse of
any kind run in his family?
You honestly sound like you are doing
everything at the moment. I commend you
for being strong enough to call the cops
and to go to the shelter!!
|
Katrinadoodle
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 1231
Posted: 11-21-07 20:44pm
Hun, you need to leave him. For your sake,
and you baby's sake. He's not going to
stop, he's just going to get more and more
abusive, and he'll eventually hurt you
very badly. What if that happens while
you're still pregnant? I know it's scary
to think about, but what if you lose the
baby? What if nothing happens, and after
the baby's born he gets abusive towards
her? You need to leave NOW.
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soldierswifey
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Nov 2007 Posts: 225 Location: , ny usa
Posted: 11-21-07 20:46pm
girl...im sorry to hear about this
im new i know and im not about to say i
know everything to tell you
but if he did infact get violent and has
been before
he mostlikely will again,which sucks to
say
becareful,please ive seen many
people,close friends and relatives go
through this situation...it never turns
out good until you leave the person.
call your parents,a shelter or even the
police
tell them that he shook you to the floor
adn that your scared and would appreciate
an escort
i doubt they will turn that down....
also no one with a brian would think you
were trash
i was told today that this community no
matter how much drama it has or doesnt
is a close knit bonded "family"
we/i want to make sure your safe
pm me anytime im more than willing to
talk
if you live in the ny area
me and my hubby are stationed here
we'll be more than willing to help
please becareful and do what is right for
you!!
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Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-21-07 20:47pm
I would really suggest getting away from
this guy. For you, and your baby. I know
it's hard cause he's the father to your
baby (i think) but you should NOT have to
put up with this, and what happens if he
hits you in the belly, or pushes you and
you fall and hurt the baby. I hate guys
like this. And i feel very bad that you
have to deal with this. I can't believe
that shelter. Do you have anyone you can
stay with, or move in with? I would really
suggest finding somewhere else to stay, or
have someone come stay with you.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-21-07 20:48pm
like amy said hun we are all here for you
if you need a place to stay then you know
i swear ill bring you to texas and you can
stay here. im not kidding katie
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kaiteo
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 1574 Location: Cold, Maine
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-21-07 20:59pm
I don't have anywhere to go. My dad
doesn't take me seriously when I call him
because I've done it so many times and he
thinks it's just my horomones. He also
says he is NOT having a baby living at his
house and if that thought has crossed my
mind, to let it go. He always says he is
tired of our "drama".
I can't stop crying. I've talked to a
couple of my close friends about it and
they say "oh, sorry" and then change the
subject. I don't know what to do.
Yes, I did tell the shelter that I am
pregnant, as well as the police. Nick told
me that he hopes the baby dies, and that
scared me more than anything. This is my
CHILD. I don't know what to do, or where
to go. Abuse doesn't run in his family. At
all. His parents have been happily married
for 26 years with NO problems.
Nick has a history of anger problems,
cutting, and he tried to overdose on pills
once. I thought he changed. I'm seriously
so lost. He's going to be home in an hour
and I don't want to get in another fight.
He says he smokes to calm down because I
piss him off and there's nothing else he
can do.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-21-07 21:01pm
leave now
go to a shleter no matter what kind it is
or a church even
oh god why wont the doing it police help
you.
katie do you have any money right now?
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3689 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
Posted: 11-21-07 21:04pm
L
E
A
V
E
N
O
W
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Katrinadoodle
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 1231
Posted: 11-21-07 21:05pm
Damn it, I wish you weren't on the
opposite coast.
You need to get out, now. Like Suzy said,
go to a church even. Just pack up and get
the hell out.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-21-07 21:06pm
katie ill pay for a freaking plane ticket
for you to come down here right now
im so serious
why wont your parents help you even for a little
bit
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Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-21-07 21:06pm
Yeah that makes me nervous when you say he
wished the baby would die. My crazy ass
father tried to cut my mothers belly when
she was preggo with me. You need to get
out now!
|
kaiteo
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 1574 Location: Cold, Maine
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-21-07 21:08pm
Yeah, I have money. But not much. I have
about 80 dollars. The police pretty much
did everything they could, or that's what
they said. I don't feel like I'm in danger
right now. This all happened close to two
weeks ago, excluding the things he said
tonight about smoking and to get out of
his life...
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Katrinadoodle
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 1231
Posted: 11-21-07 21:13pm
it doesn't matter. It's going to happen
again, and again, and it's going to
escalate. My aunt was in this same
situation, and her boyfriend beat the crap
out of her and repeatedly kicked her in
the stomach when she was about 5 months
along. Thank god my cousin was okay, and
my aunt didn't miscarry.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 11-21-07 21:15pm
i just dont want him to go off again
its s hard to walk away sometimes but even
harder to stay
your a beautiful strong girl
you dont deserve it
i know its tough and even harder when your
alone
even if you need to go get a cheap hotel
ok? for just a night or two
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Angflo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Nov 2007 Posts: 9
Posted: 11-21-07 21:18pm
I know you don't know me, but please
listen to the advice your getting right
now. This is very serious and it will only
get worse. I know you are devestated and
just wish it all will go away, but it
won't unless you get out. Go anywhere
safe-a friends, family members, neighbors,
shelter if you have to. I had a friend in
a similiar situation. First her boyfriend
would threaten the life of her unborn
child, then he began physically beating
her when she was pregnant. She stayed with
him and a month after the baby was born
she took him to the hospital for a bad
cough. They did x-rays and discovered he
was recovering from a broken rib. A BROKEN
RIB AT LESS THAN A MONTH OLD. They got him
taken away and it took months to get him
back. You don't want to be in this
situation. Any man who truly lives you and
his child would never wish death upon his
own baby- not even just to get you mad.
This is a bright red flag. I don't know
where you live but I can give you
resources if you need them. I used to work
with battered women also. And if he is
sorry you can get counseling and still
live away from him after you get away-
just get away first.
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 11-21-07 21:18pm
I'm really sorry that this is happening to
you. You really do need to leave. I'm
sure when he sobers up and calms down
he'll say he's sorry and he'll agree to go
to his Batterer's anonymous class, but the
fact is if he put his hands on you he will
again. Every time he gets mad it will get
worse and worse, trust me I know!!!
I'm really surprised if he was arrested
for being abusive that the police didn't
give you a temporary order of protection.
They usually do if they feel he is going
to be a threat to you. Unfortunately
sometimes Bangor PD sucks. It is a shame
that you can't go to a woman's shelter
unless you have been beaten, that doesn't
seem fair.
You really need to get out of there and
hide out for a while. Then you need to go
to the district court and get a protection
order.
Don't ever worry about people thinking you
won't be a good parent because you are in
a bad relationship. Lots of women have
been where you are.
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