Newly Wed, But I Ran Into a Bump I Guess Posted: 11-27-07 09:39am
hi, i don't really feel myself right now
for some reason, not totally sure.
Anyways, I'm 20yrs old, the wife is 20 as
well. I'm overseas on a 1yr short tour
and the wife is in Mexico studying at a
college or something. We got married
before i left, i still ask myself if it
was the right thing to do. i only regret
it sometimes just because i wonder if it
was worth doing. I love this girl with all
my heart and her the same way. Ive known
her for little over a year, met her at
work, hung out since then and thats
history. Anyways to my problem..sorry for
the bio, just figured it would help if any
questions popped up.
She asked me if it was alright to marry a
Mexican citizen so that he could get his
green card or something. She is telling me
that his family isn't doing to well
because good jobs are hard to get in MX. I
personally don't know anything about all
of that because i'm a us citizen, i didn't
have to go thru all of that. Her mom
married a us-cit. and thats how she got
her papers, so..for some reason she feels
like she should help him out. She tells me
i have nothing to lose, because even tho
where apart, nothing much would change. i
told her that kind of thing is illegal and
i don't want to risk losing her to
something stupid like prison. I realize it
could help this guy out, but i have morals
about marriage, i feel like i found The
girl and I'm going to be with her forever
and i don't care about anyone else because
i'm happy with her. I told her why i
didn't want her too, she said i was being
selfish because i'm not losing anything..
i don't know what to think.. I'm sad at
the same time confused because i really
don't know what to do.. i told her not to
do it, and i feel like if i don't get a
2nd or even 3rd opinion its going to start
affecting me in some depressing way.
thanks in advance, i hope someone is out
there to give me there honest opinion.
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shelley27ky
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2006 Posts: 111
Posted: 11-27-07 10:39am
its illegal and she can go to prison and
its illegal to be married to more than one
person. If she really loves you she will
not push this. Someone else can help this
guy out. I think its wrong shes married
to you I would tell her as much as it
hurts that if she does this or insents on
it you will get a divorce.
But thats my thoughts
heres this to i found some info for you
hope it helps out
Green card marriages are based on the
principle that anyone granted a
residential visa for the United States
based on a marriage must stay in the
marriage for only three years. It can
take as long as 4 to 4.5 years to receive
a green card for those who marry a
permanent U.S. citizen, despite the three
year mandatory law regarding marriages.
The United States issues only 114,200
green cards annually for those who have
married a U.S. citizen and their underage
children.
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PenguinsRus
Supporter
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1228 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 32
Thanked:8
Posted: 11-27-07 10:42am
If she really loves you, she will
understand when you tell her that it hurts
you thinking of her being married to
another girl. Tell her how sacred
marriage is to you.
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12984
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-27-07 12:59pm
I would never let my spouse do some thing
like that unless the foreigner was someone
we'd both known for a very long time and
were very close friends with. Never ever.
You married only HER and she married YOU,
no one else.
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Chackery
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 11-27-07 22:19pm
thanks for the replies, i'm out of it
today because this just keeps eating at
me. I understand where she is coming from
and its a noble thing to do i guess to try
and help someone out. Ive looked for
another way but it just doesn't seem like
there is one. She has had this idea before
but the other way around, me marry her
friend so she could stay in the states and
i told her no. So she was a little worried
i guess to tell me her plan this time.
That 2nd website put it in perspective for
me and ill be sure to share it with her,
doubt she wont give it a 2nd thought since
she is stubborn sometimes lol. in my
opinion, the only reason why i'm upset
over this is because i couldn't let her do
something like that, i couldn't live with
myself if she got in trouble. I'm sure
tons of people do it all the time and not
get caught. I'm just worried over it all,
Plus my original ideology kicks in about
marriage. the time difference sucks so i
hope to get some decent time to at least
talk about it without her getting
emotional about having to tell him no.
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Mikolas
Supporter
Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 618 Location: Buffalo University, Hands off! My trained killer kitten has its aim set upon you!
Thanks: 19
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-28-07 18:04pm
This is some male, that she wishes to be
married to for the sake of his green card
and his happiness? I'd be concerned sir, I
can't imagine an ideal woman who loves you
mouthing off permission to go marry
another guy just so that he can get his
green card. What next, will she ask to
have sex with him because he feels lonely
one day, will she ask you if its ok to
have his kids because he wants them?
Sounds like an affair waiting to happen,
if it hasn't already. I don't think it was
a great idea to leave her so soon after
such a young and early marriage.
I feel as if you are walking on thin ice
sir. Good luck
P.S. On an immature note, I'd say go find
a extremely attractive immigrant woman who
is not yet a american citizen, go show her
off to your wife, ask her the same thing,
and see how she deals with it.
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Chackery
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 11-29-07 02:54am
nah its cool, we had some time to talk.
She just wasnt ready for marriage so i
wont bring it up anymore. If i talk about
something that she isnt confident on, like
moving in with me, she can get sad/mad and
thats probably how this started. Her
tradition has me meeting her family, them
getting to know me, and finally one day
asking. This will be over the course of
years. etc. we just kinda skipped ahead
because her mom is crazy and doesnt like
me. ive tried to email her and talk but
she deletes the emails without reading
them. Im willing to Wait that long, just
visiting can be costly, and hard for me
because of my schedule, so im really
hoping getting to know her family will
permit her to visit me. If she asked now
it would be unheard of.
And no, its not like that.. she just felt
bad for him because she had to go thru
being an illegal immigrant until her mom
married and acquired greencards for them
and eventually citizenship. i trust her,
and her the same for me, In our
discussions i told her i didnt want her to
marry him for the sake of a green card,
and she respecs that, like i respect that
she wasnt ready. She is in mexico, myself
in Korea so time zones are wierd and all i
can really do is webcam some in the
morming, noon, and nighttime. She isnt the
type of girl who would do that kind of
thing like cheat on me.
i believe we have it figured out for now,
im going to fly out to mexico and start
the process of meeting her grandparents, i
hope that goes well. im studying up on my
spanish now lol. i get paid 2 times a
month, and get 2.5 days leave a month, so,
im just counting it up and it seems not so
far till i get to see her again. 70 more
days for a nice week btw.
