Razor's Now Gone, Gun Is Still There. Posted: 04-13-04 15:30pm
I am in the process of quitting cutting,
and I am actually starting to feel better,
but inspite of that, even with the more
joyous mood, suicide is continuously on my
mind. Seems I become even happier when I
think about it. I know thats not right.
Everywhere I turn I see another way to do
it, ways that would look like
accidents...If anybody has any advise
please send it my way, I need to get my
mind out of it's coffin and back into
daily life. I
don't want this to be my end...I am only
17, I am too young to die...But I
desperatly want to........
|
gram1228
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2003 Posts: 34
Posted: 04-13-04 22:05pm
Hey girlfriend,
do you not have parents you can talk to?
Or a crisis hotline or a counselor
somewhere? You can,t handle this alone,
there are people trained in depression to
talk to, there is medication to take. I
could tell you forever that tomorrow is
another day and you will see the lite at
the end of the tunnel but unless you get
professional help with your state of mind
you will not see any of this yourself.
Please get the help you need, you are way
too young to want to end your life, you,ve
got a lotta livin, to do. Good luck
sharon
|
KittyKat
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2003 Posts: 39
Posted: 04-13-04 22:22pm
I know its hard to speak to your parents,
but you should try. I am sure your
parents would be very supportive if they
knew what was going on in your life. You
have so many wonderful years ahead of you,
you just cant see it now. If you don't
feel comfortable with telling your
parents, how about a doctor? They have
all those free clinics around (you live in
california, right?) in all areas that
offer mental health. If you want to
tell me what city you are in I might be
able to help you find something.
Kitty
|
Haley
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Feb 2004 Posts: 122
Posted: 04-16-04 15:32pm
Hi wiltedangel, I don't know much about
cutting but i've only got one more session
to go in my cbt group and I can't say
enough about what it is doing for me for
me and my anxiety and depression. I just
stopped my meds today and the reduction
went real well so hopefully this will work
too. The two books we are using in my
group are really good and I would
recommend them both highly: been there,
done that? Do this! By sam obitz for
anxiety and mastery of your anxiety and
panic-third edition by michelle craske and
david barlow for panic disorder. You
gotta give cbt a try the obitz book has
a couple of chapters devoted to suicide
too
|
Angel1019
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Apr 2004 Posts: 21 Location: TX
Witledangel Posted: 04-18-04 14:10pm
Hi, I know what you are talking about, I
get that feeling of suicide a lot, I have
had experience in cutting myself, and I
thought it would relieve pain and for
awhile it did, but I learned that it wasnt
helping me as much, I told my friend
about me cuttin myself and she helped me
to stop, I guess cause I told someone
about my situation, it helped me, maybe
finding someone your comfortable with that
will listen will help you realive a little
of the thoughts and pain that you go
through.
|
qt3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 264
Re: Razor's Now Gone, Gun Is Still There. Posted: 04-20-04 09:25am
wiltedangel
wrote:
i am in the process of
quitting cutting, and I am actually
starting to feel better, but inspite of
that, even with the more joyous mood,
suicide is continuously on my mind.
Seems I become even happier when I think
about it. I know thats not right.
Everywhere I turn I see another way to do
it, ways that would look like
accidents...If anybody has any advise
please send it my way, I need to get my
mind out of it's coffin and back into
daily life. I
don't want this to be my end...I am only
17, I am too young to die...But I
desperatly want
to........
wilted-
get some help and the sooner the better.
Cbt saved my life and I recommend it all
the time. I think you are in california
and they have lots of good and often free
cbt resources available. If your library
has the obitz book read it and I agree the
suicide chapters in it are great but the
tools in the middle are the key to getting
better. You have your whole life ahead
of you
q
|
lowrong
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 17 Location: Ontario
Posted: 05-20-04 05:17am
Hey, my name is lisa, I am a 16 year old
girl in grade 10
I know how you feel wilted angel, I used
to feel like that, I am still depressed,
but not to the point of suicide.
Today is wednsday may 19th 2004, exactly
one month since a friend of mine named
logan killed himself.
All I can tell you is that you do need
help, from drugs, tlaking or otherwise.
And if you ever did do it, everyone you
know will be effected, not just the people
you like, but everyone you know. The day
after my friedn logan died the entire
school was effected the entire thing. I
did not see one person, guy, girl, man or
woman who did not cry.
I hope I have helped you in one way or
another
|
insurancegirl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2003 Posts: 5286
Posted: 05-20-04 07:10am
Wilted,
it has been a month since your post, and I
hope you are still here with us. It is
not worth it to end your life, you are
young and the world can be a great place.
I'm glad I never has suicide thoughts
(well we all have some but not major
ones), I had my 1st child at 17, and it
stopped me from ever thinking of taking my
life. I live everyday for my 3 children,
i'm 21 and sometimes feel like the world
is against me, until I look into their
eyes.
Lisa,
know that you are doing well for yourself,
and others. Everyone has a place on this
crazy place called earth.
~jennifer~
|
niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
Posted: 05-20-04 08:19am
Wilted angel, where are you and how are
you doing now?
Everything will be ok. Don't worry about
it. You are 17 and in the prime of your
life.
Take care of yourself. You have a long
life ahead of you.
Remember, we all love you and care about
you.
|
lowrong
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 17 Location: Ontario
Hey Posted: 05-20-04 09:02am
Hey jennifer, thanks, that means a lot to
me.
It was really weird todauy because it is
exactly one month since a good friend of
mine, logan killed himself, and today
someone wrote in the bathroom stall in the
guys washroom that they were goiong to
kill themself in 3 days. Im just worried
that it will be someone that I know. Im
sure that I will be alright though, I
always am
i used to have really bad suicidal
tendencies, I have to knife to my wrist
several times but could never do it.
Im not like that anymore though, I do have
depression, but I try to find one thing or
another to keep me going, some days its my
friedns, the other, family, and sometimes
its as simple as doing things I like, like
drumming, or skateboarding, or
snowboarding. But I always try to make
due.
Thanks again
and hope you are doing well
|
insurancegirl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2003 Posts: 5286
Posted: 05-20-04 23:02pm
It's hard to believe someone so young,
with so much to look forward to would have
these thoughts, and I am happy that they
have surpassed. You are a very
inspirational, young woman. I hope that
you do not have to face another death.
Is there a reason y your friends are
suicidal, and do you think you could talk
to them? What do you think helped you?
I have 3 children, 4, 3, and 2, and I just
wanna know what to look for, ahead of
time, so that we do not have such a tragic
ending.
Sorry to hear about your friend! May he
rest in peace!
~jennifer~
|
lowrong
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 17 Location: Ontario
Posted: 05-21-04 09:53am
Hey
thanks for replying, its really nice to
see people who care so much.
I do not actually know why my friend was
suicidal, but we all (we being the family
and friends) think it may be because he
never thought he was good enough. He may
have had an inferiority complex because he
had 2 oldr brothers who were realyl smart,
or good at sports, you know things like
that. He never left a note or anythinkg
like that, so we will never know for
sure.
The reason that I was suicidal was because
I had been mulested by a boy I knew fairly
well as he was my best friends older
brother, (that was when I was in grade 4),
and I was also picked on and bullied
everyday from grade 1, to 8. I started to
really go down hill when I was in grade 5,
because I was smarter then I used to be,
and I finally realised what was gtoing on
in my own life, but also in this world in
which I thoguht was so cold and obscured.
My oldest sister whom is 22 now tried to
comit suicide when I was in grade 3, I
never uinderstud that it wasnt an accident
that she took all of the pills until I got
to grade 5.
So I think I was depressed because I had
just gotten to the age were I started to
wise up to the ways of the world, but also
that was when the picking and teasing got
really bad. I got better once I got into
high school though, the teasing had
stopped, well I dont know if it stopped or
not, I just dont care anymore, it really
doesnt bother me, because I realised that
I would make something out of myself, and
I liked myself despite what everyone had
said to me, and the people who made fun of
me are now losers that no one talks to.
My advise for you and your children is
that if they come home from school
constently about being teased and picked
on, do anything in your power to stop it,
go to the teachers, if that doesnt work,
the parents, if that doesnt work the
police, and so on, just try and protect
your little ones from the hell and torment
I had to suffer. I know how bad it is, I
wouldnt want your innocent children to
have to go through it all alone.
(speaking of whihc, the good thing was
that I have a twin, so I always had at
least one person with me)
and since you said they were 4,3, and 2,
they may be a bit young for this, but
when they get older you should sit down
with them once a week, and just talk,
about anything and everything. Me and my
twin, julia are the youngest in the family
we are now 16, we have an older sister,
melissa whom is 18, and dawn who is 22.
We sit down once a week and all tlak with
my ,mom and dad, we say stuff that is
bothering us, stuff we enjoy, things we
would like to do, or try.
It really helps clear the air, and
anything we say no matter how bad it may
be, we dont get in troble for it, and we
dont yell at each other.
This does seem to work because all of us
are pretty nice looking girls, and none of
us have ever been drunk, smoked, had sex,
snuck out, or done anything like that,
with the exception of my oldest sister.
I hope I have helpped you, and your little
ones
hope to hear from you soon
~lisa~
|
glaston
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 18 Location: US, IL
Posted: 05-22-04 06:09am
I'm new here, and don't really know
anyones background or anything. I'm also
a little out of touch with these types of
things.
But I know death! Starting in 1991, and
going until 1997 someone I knew died each
year.
I've seen the effect that death has on
those who continue to live. And it isn't
pretty! Death is easy! Life takes
guts!
My 6 year old sister was killed by a
pedophile in 1991. That began my
experience with death. Her name was kahla
lansing, she was abducted a block away
from our home in il while rollerskating
with friends. It wasn't until 2 weeks
later that a man was pulled over in a red
truck that fit the description. He
admitted to the crime.
He admitted he raped her repeatedly, then
he tied an electrical cord around her neck
and strangled her, then left her in a barn
in rural iowa.
I saw grown men that I percieved as big
strong men just sob! That leaves a
lasting impression! I've seen women cry
all my life, but when you see grown men
sob and moan, it's not something you
forget! Ever!!!
The men who ran the funeral home were
crying. I suspect that's not something
you see at your average funeral.
What i'm trying to say is that there are
alot of people who didn't get the chance
to live like you or I have. Who would've
chose to if they had the chance.
And you have the chance, and you want to
throw it all away? What could possibly be
so troubling as to lead you to this
decision? I can't fathom what coud be so
bad! Except for being in terrible health
and bed ridden, and expecting to die
anyway.
I had a buddy who blew his head off with a
mossberg 590! He had alot of problems.
He had cancer, and 2 weeks before he did
the deed, he was arrested for drug
posesion. Which is what put him over the
edge.
He never told a soul that he was as
troubled as he was, he just did it.
I have to ask wilted angel, what sort of
problems do you have that make you want to
play this game?
It's obvious that this is a cry for
help.
Excuse me if I come off a little harsh,
but this is very disturbing to me!
Stop thinking of it as only something that
affects you! It affects you for a very
short time. But the damage that you'll do
to your family by killing yourself will
last their entire lives! By killing
yourself, you'll ruin any chance for your
family to lead a normal life.
There's nothing like the death of a child!
Nothing!!!
Imagine for a second the sounds of your
mother crying so hard that she moans.
Imagine the look on your families faces as
they pass by your casket. That will be
the absolute last time that they will ever
see you again! Ever! And is that how you
want people to remember you?
What you're talking about doing is the
ultimate selfish act!
The selfishness of suicide is
unparalelled. Nothing even comes close to
it.
If you were to actually go through with
it, at the last second you will change
your mind! And then it's too late.
You see your life, and the faces of those
you care about flash before you, and at
that moment you realize the gravity of the
decision you just made. But the decision
has been made at that point.
By killing yourself, you aren't punishing
yourself. You're punishing everyone who
cares about you!
Have you ever experienced death?
If not, maybe what you need to do is go to
a funeral. Not a funeral of some old
geezer who lived a full life, but someone
who died an untimely death.
When my sister died, there was a community
memorial service. We have this on
videotape. If it would help, i'd be more
than happy to send a copy of this to you,
or to someone here on the board who could
forward it to you if you're uncomfortable
giving out your address. Just so you can
see the damage that the death of a child
does to those who continue to live.
In any case, I strongly urge you to
re-evaluate your life.
This isn't what you want! I promise you
that!
I really hope you can overcome this! It
would be a shame if you reduced yourself
to a name on a memorial plaque, or a
suicide statistic.
Your worth so much more than that! Just
ask your family what your life is worth to
them. Your mother and father would gladly
give their life to save yours, i'm certain
of that!
|
lowrong
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 17 Location: Ontario
Posted: 05-31-04 23:01pm
Hey you guys, sorry its been a while since
my last post.
Im ok and all, its just htat my computer
broke down, so now I have to resort to
using my computer at school once im done
my class work.
I hope everyone is feeling alright, no one
has posted anything lately, but I know
that doesnt mean that you guys havent
checked up on things.
So everyone have a good day, and ill try
and check up again tomorrow.
Peace
~lisa!~
|
Lunuspegasus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2004 Posts: 9
to Put It Bluntly... Posted: 06-02-04 16:45pm
To put it kind of bluntly, suicide is like
taking the easy way out. Last month, my
girlfriend tried to commit suicide, but
everyone knows she's not depressed, she's
only manipulative. She doesn't have the
signs of depression. This made me
realize, though, that suicide is...
Well... I don't mean to sound rude...
But selfish. If you commit suicide, you
have no regards for whom you are leaving
behind, and you only do it (from what I
know of) to help yourself and end your
sadness. I am only 13, but I know, that
if you feel sad, then you had to have felt
very happy at one time. That is why life
is so great. It's a beautiful sadness,
and trust me, there is never anything in
life that you can't get out of. There is
always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Lunus
|
lowrong
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 17 Location: Ontario
Posted: 06-03-04 08:16am
Hey, lunus. I know you only 13.
Considering the insight, thought, and
intelligence that you put into your
answer, I would make the assumtion that
you are a very bright individual, however
it is very clear that you have never been
depressed. Yes I will agree with you,
people who commit suicide are selfish, (in
our eyes), but that would just be because
we are left here without them, and we
despretly want them back. A little over a
month ago, a friend of mine shot himself,
there was a lot of commotion at school the
next day. (as I am 16, and in grade 10)
since we only have a school population of
around 200-300 students, we were aloud to
grieve the way we felt was right. A lot
of people did think that my friend, logan
was selfish for killing himself, and I
agreed for a little, but that was just
because I missed him and wanted him
back.
Have you ever thought about why people
kill themselves, its not because they are
unhappy, or they want to be selfish, of
hurt people, or have people cry over them,
its there is something in their life that
makes them want to give up (for me it was
being bullied at school every day, from
grade 1, to , its just the
thought of getting up another day and
having be the exact same, they don`t think
it will ever change, and for some people
depending on the problem, it will not
change. They kill themselves because that
is the only thing they can do, the only
way for it to stop, the only way out, and
i'mnot angry at them, I feel sorry for
them, I was one of them..
You should probably know that depression
is a very serious sensitive thing, and you
should talk to your girlfriend, my bet is
that she is probably just trying to get
attention from people, I mean like, hjow
is her home life, is she happy with the
people that she sees everyday, and with
her living situation. Even if their
happy, you usually wont be able to tell
that they want to kill themselves because
they just want to end,. They don't want
to publicize it, thats why cutters (people
who slit themselves, because they feel the
only thing in their life that they can
control is pain.) who cut themselves and
then go around showing people are only
doing it for attention. People who
actually cut because they cany control
anything else would not go around
publicizing it, they would hide it, they
usually cut their legs, were you wouldn't
see, of the top of the arm, or the side of
the stomach.
And another thing, a lot of people who
kill themselves, it is really unexpected
because to the normal persons view, the
bystander if you will, it would seem that
their life is finally getting to be better
,and that is when they do it, when it
appears that things are getting better.
I dont know why this is, I dont know if
anyone does, its just the way it
happens.
So look after yourself, and take care.
~lisa~
|
Lunuspegasus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2004 Posts: 9
Yeah Posted: 06-03-04 14:59pm
You're right, I don't know what it feels
like to be depressed. True. About that
girl, she hates me, because of nothing. I
expressed my views about suicide, and now
she says she wishes I were dead. She said
that if I died, she would feel relieved
that I was gone.
Lunus
|
lowrong
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2004 Posts: 17 Location: Ontario
Posted: 08-15-04 21:33pm
She probably said that because people so
often think of depression as something as
simple as being sad, and that the people
who have this depression are just being
babies.. However they never realised that
its not something like that at all.. Its
a chemical imbalance in the brain. And we
cant stop it, and it makes us depressed
sometimes for no reeason at all. We cant
help it, its just the way our brains work.
So were just sick of people thinking that
we are drama queens. When we are far from
it
I
don't want this to be my end...I am only
17, I am too young to die...But I
desperatly want to........
the obitz book has
a couple of chapters devoted to suicide
too 
, its just the
thought of getting up another day and
having be the exact same, they don`t think
it will ever change, and for some people
depending on the problem, it will not
change. They kill themselves because that
is the only thing they can do, the only
way for it to stop, the only way out, and
i'mnot angry at them, I feel sorry for
them, I was one of them..
