Why Is My Son And His Girlfreind Doing This to Me Posted: 11-27-07 23:47pm
can anyone help me to try and understand
whats happened it tearing me apart me and
my son have always got on we are like best
mates ive looked after him well always
done my best for him hes never wanted for
a thing then 16 months ago he met his
girlfreind she lives 35 miles away from us
so he started going there at weekends he
had always worked within 4 weeks hed left
his job and moved in with her and her
family i thought thats what he wants to do
he was 21 so i had to go along with it and
he seemed so happy then i found out she
was haveing a baby i was over the moon has
they was too hes my only child so haveing
been told i was going to be a grandmother
was great well like us mothers do i bought
almost everything they needed and more
when she was born i was so happy so proud
.she was in hospital for the frist 6 days
so i went up everyday . then the baby was
allowed home on the saturday so i said i
wouldnt go up for a couple of days has
they live with her parents and family give
them chance to settle in which they where
pleased about but i rang them to make sure
they were ok and if they needed anything
anyway that was on the sat and sunday then
i went up on the monday took my son out to
buy them more things bought my son and his
girlfreind presents aswell everything
seemed fine and i was just so happy for
them i rang for the next few days then on
the thursday i rang at 12 oclock and my
son spoke to me has if i was crap i was so
upset its not like him then i was to go
the next day but was told they had things
to do then it was everytime i asked to go
and visit it got to 5 weeks and they still
made excuses but i didnt say anything just
went along with it even though i knew it
wasnt right then i asked my son what the
problem was why wasnt they letting me see
her and he told me his girlfreind said
there was no time for me has he works
mon/friday 8till5 and the weekends were
for her and the baby and if i go and see
them ill be takeing time up when she says
thats her time i cant belive what has gone
on her family live with her so there
involed all the time shes 5 months old now
and my son hasnt even been intouch with me
since she was 10 weeks old ive sent
letters and text messages and i get
nothing back they have broken my hart im
not a bad person i have a lovely home
lovely husband and a brillant family who
are also very hurt by this i spoke with
her sister and she says that its unfair
what they have done to me but also says
her sister knew all this was gonna happen
even before the baby was born her sister
also said they used me to buy everything
im dreading xmas has my son has always
been here some nights i cant even sleep
has im that upset anyboby else gone
through this
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2376 Location: North Carolina
Thanks: 10
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-28-07 22:24pm
I am so sorry to hear about this. I can
only imagine you must be heartbroken. I
believe that in time he will learn as this
woman doesn't sound right. I wish you the
best.
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mommy_2_dallas0813
Supporter
Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 412 Location: Ohio,
Posted: 11-28-07 22:41pm
I'm so sorry you are going through this..I
have a similar situation though...but
I'm the girl with the baby and it's my
boyfriends mother that is going through a
lot. He left his family last October to
move here to go to school, 500 miles from
his parents, and we met. I got pregnant
and now our son is 3 months old. I'm 18
and my bf is 21, we live with my mother.
His mom blames it all on me, which isn't
true. I encourage my boyfriend to call his
parents, and he doesn't. We won't be able
to see them on Christmas because he only
has one day off and that's my fault.
My biggest problem is she is in our
business way to much about everything. She
doesn't know how to back off. I've met her
twice and she has treated me poorly each
time.
Anways enough about me, my advice to
you...
Back off a little bit, I hope that doesn't
sound to harsh but it's true. They do need
their family time, that is understandable.
Txt or call your son and let him know you
love and miss him. He will figure it out
after awhile, that he is hurting you
badly.
Again I'm so sorry, he will come around...
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jinnymc
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 16
Thank You Posted: 11-29-07 12:23pm
hi and thank you for your reply i hope my
son does come round and his girl ive never
interfeared with them ive always been nice
to his girl aswell its my sons girlfreind
so i had to be taken her for meals bought
her presents but most of all ive been nice
to her just wish i could do something has
im so upset
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sillyakchick
Moderator
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2689
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-29-07 12:59pm
That is so sad. I am sorry that you are
oing through this. Can you just write a
letter laying it all out for them? "I
want to be a part of your lives and the
life of my grandchild on whatever level
you feel comfortable. I know that there
have been a lot of changes involved, etc
etc, but I love you and your baby and want
to be a presence in her life etc etc. I
would NEVER EVER EVER do this to my
parents, no matter what they have done to
me in the past-my kids have a right to a
good relationship with their grandparents.
I treasure the closeness of my mom and my
daughters. She loves them so so much and
Geneva who is 6 has started writing her
letters. They are all in her own hand now,
and very difficult to read, but my mom
treasures every single one of them. I am
sorry that this is happening. I wonder if
he will come around soon?
*edited to add*
Don't buy them anything else. You
wouldn't want them to think that you are
trying to buy their affections, and on
holidays, try to give the child modest
gifts that are practical. the reason I
say this is because it makes me mad when
my dad and step mom go overboard on the
holidays and get my kids things I don't
really want them to have, like the
porcelain doll collection they somehow
decided my oldest child needed to have.
This is just my opinion, but I really hate
it when they go overboard with buying. It
sort of offends me, but i can't explain
why-maybe its the feeling I get that they
want me to reciprocate and I just can't.
Besides I would rather have their time and
their presence than gifts or money. Just
my 2 cents worth.
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jinnymc
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 16
Thank You All Posted: 11-30-07 19:33pm
hi ive read your replys and want to say
thank you ive tryed everything i even sent
my mother up to speak with my son and
tryed to talk to him but he said the same
thing to my mum ive not been very well
this year myself i had emergency operation
and couldnt walk for 6 weeks but this was
before the baby was due but even when i
was ill my son or his girl never even came
to visit me but they said its cos he works
but you know something i wouldnt care if i
was working if i knew my mum was ill id of
been there for her i never even said a
thing to them about not even coming yet
when my son and his girl had a fight i
still full of stiches and when her mother
called me to ask if i could come up at 1
oclock in the morning has ill has i was i
was still there for them both and no i
dont take sides of any of them i had to
get my mother out of bed to take me i was
so ill at the time and yet again i never
said a word since my granchild has been
born i feel they both have been horrible
to me maybe i should of stood up to them
both then they might of thought different
yet what i cant understand most of all is
they live with her parents who are always
fighting her mother drinks most of the day
after the baby came out of hospital she
was only 4 days old and her mother tryed
to kill herself then the week after she
was arrested for fighting with the
neighbours . i just find it all so hard to
take in and wish my son would relize how
much im hurting me and my husband are
really decentpeople we have a lovely home
and like i say we have always been very
close to my son we are not old parents we
all used to go out together and get on so
well .dont get me wrong the house they
live in is lovely you could eat off the
floors but rest of the things that go on
are not right but again never said
anything oh we will see what happens im
hopeing he will be intouch for xmas
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2376 Location: North Carolina
Thanks: 10
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-30-07 19:45pm
jinnymc I think your son needs to see Sean
Penn movie "Into the wild". Have any of
you guys out there see that movie? It has
a nerve racking ending as the boy dies but
it gives you so much to think about.
Parents, love..
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jinnymc
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 16
Hi Posted: 12-03-07 19:49pm
ive not seen the film and ive asked a few
freinds and nobody i know has seen it
jinny
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californchick
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2008 Posts: 3 Location: ,
I am sorry to hear what is goin on with your life Posted: 07-25-08 12:13pm
It makes me so sad that they treat you
like this you have every right to see your
Grand babies they have your genes too.
You know I don't see why she doesn't
understand that she is lucky to have a
mother-in law like you and your son
doesn't know how luck he is to have a
mother who cares if she wasn't like this
to you would you treat her as one of your
own kids?
. There are a few possibilities your sons
girlfriend might feel that she is married
to your son and that she is the boss and
he allows her to walk on him. I think what
you need to do is talk to them together
and ask what the problem is? I know your
son and his girlfriend are hurting you
alot, You could also try to talk to your
sons girlfriend about her issues with you?
Communication is key But you cant just
blame her because your son is allowing it
to happen you should talk to him about his
problem with and Stand your ground and say
how you feel!!! Don't be afraid and when
your son keeps taking advantage tell him
enough is enough it will be really hard
but tough love is the only way they will
learn. How do you and her react to each
other? What kind of relationship do you
have with his girlfriend ? Also how many
kids do you have? I am trying to figure
from different situations to figure out a
solution. Talk to them
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