Hating Myself

You don't mention how old your babies are, but most moms lose about 10 pounds pretty dramatically once the baby's about a year old. I compared notes with friends and they all did that too. No effort, it just falls off somehow. I don't know if you're able to exercise but it helps with the stress, tightens you up, and is a much better way to lose weight in the long run than anorexia or bulimia. Besides it builds health, not ruins health. If you can get someone professional to talk to, I'd do it, because it sounds like you're right at the tipping point, and now you have 2 little people hoping their mom sticks around a long time.

Fifteen pounds is definetly a far shot from a fat blob in my openion. Most of those ideal body weight things are a little much anyhow. I am over the ideal body weight for my age and ware a size three in pants, and my nick name is tiney, so in my openion, they take ideal a little far. Also conciter you did just have kids. I am not sure how old they are, but once they hit about two, your going to be chacing them around so much that that mommy weight will go away in no time. You said you are fifteen pounds over the ideal body weight, one more thing you have to conciter is muscle mass. Muscle weighs more than fat. One thing that might help you, though it may be hard for you to do, is pitch the scale. Believe it or not, many people have more issues with the numbers than they do the mirrior, but for many they just don't realize this. Eating healthy is good too as you mentioned. Personally I have also noticed if you eat more frequently you tend to weigh less. I eat about every two hours, sometimes even getting up in the night if im hungry to eat. At first you may start gaining weight, but his is becasue your motabolism has been used to resting for so long, but after about a month it should go back down. if you eat small portions more often it doesn't give your motabolism a chance to stop processing the callories, there for you burn more. Its when you eat two or three times a day when you have those six hours or so for your motabolism to stop working and rest. I have one more thing to tell you. It shouldn't matter how much you weight anyhow. as long as its not hurting your health, and anyone out to judge you based on that is nothing but ignorant anyhow. good luck.

thanks for the replies, my husband is with how i look, i am just not fine with how i look, but i always wonder if maybe i still have a messed up image of myself and im not as fat as i think i look. my kids are 2 yrs old and my daughter turns 1 the 25th of this month. all ym friends around me that are having kids dont even look like they were ever pregnant and that just makes me feel worse . but now my friend just had a baby 2 weeks ago and she doesnt eat, then our other friend told me before her wedding she ate cotten balls dipped in orange juice to fill her up to lose weight, and now she doesnt eat but a bowl of soup anda salad all day if she really is eating that. And she is breastfeeding because it burns more calories but her baby isnt getting any nutrients at all since she isnt eating anything at all, it annoys me but at hte same time im jealous. im just a big mess blah.

You are such an amazing person. That's all I can say and all you should be thnking about. Body image and weight are just unimportant when it comes to trust and friendship.

I'm new here. I've had eds for 16yrs and through 6 kids...post-partum can be a difficult time.

It was so encouraging to read that you have not had ed behaviors since 2004! That's awesome!!

I know that sometimes insurance will cover the services of a nutritionist or dietician. They should be able to help you set and achieve healthful goals for your body. Take advantage of what is available to you...don't try to do this alone especially if those nagging ed thoughts are beginning to creep back in.

Do you feel there are some issues outside of your weight/size that you haven't dealt with or are having a difficult time coping with? I know for me, when I start to feel out of control of my circumstances my ed gets worse. Usually it's not "just" the numbers that are bothering me. A therapist or counselor may be able to help you work through these things.

You've got two very young children at home. I know it can be hard to get out of the house but as someone mentioned in a previous reply...exercise can do wonders for how we feel. It's so easy to get bogged down by the responsibilities at home that we forget to address our own needs or we don't count them as important as the other demands on us.

If there's a way you can take some time out 3-4 times per week to dedicate towards exercising I would strongly encourage you to do it. I have older kids now who help me do this but my husband used to make sure I wasn't interrupted when the kids were littler. Exercise makes a world of difference in regards to my moods and self-perspective.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way (((hugs))). I'm currently 7 1/2 months post-partum and not doing well with my ed. I was ed behavior free for 3.5 years but after my daughter's birth (it didn't go as expected...we're fine but there were some minor complications) I started to spiral downward.

On that note I would encourage you to not go through this alone. Find someone in your life to reach out to. Ed can take hold so quickly and so thoroughly before we even realize what's happening. It sounds to me like you're standing at the thresh-hold. I wish I would have reached out right away (I actually wish I would have had a support system set up before I delivered "just in case")...the longer you wait the harder it will be.

Take care!

Love, Kelly

Thanks for the reply, i would have replied sooner but the reply notificatins arent currently working on the forum. Im really trying to do it on my own sincec i am in germany, and the only drs available are the military ones and i honestly think i know more on the subject of eating disorders then they would. I find myself bouncing around. Some days i eat not much, really restricting my calorie intake but then somet days i pig out and hat emyself for it. I am majorly stressed outlately as well with my son, he always seems to throw a tantrum whereever i go and wow i just cant deal with it at the moment. I dont htink i will ever be ok with my body even losing 15 lbs to get to my ideal weight, i constantly have Eating disordered thoughts running through my head daily, but sometimes u just gotta learn how to control them wich is hard at times. SO im 50/50 on recovering or spiraling downward, SOmetimes i just wanna go downward for alittle hwile then get back up but iknow once your headed down that downward spiral it is extremely hard to work your way back up especially on your own, i try and remind myself of how miserable i was back then but then i get to thinking how thing i was back then so im torn . Im just lost. I just really dont know what to do. But its nice to have people to talk to , none of my friends understand, And my one friend wanted me to talk to the one that just had a baby about her eating behaviors since i had experience , since she knows about my eating disorder. But yeah ive had an eating disorder and such but i dont really know how to approach someone about there eating habits because iknow how they may react to the news but also i want them to know im there for them but all ym friends are crazy and constanly dieting or complaining they are fat but im the biggest one of all of them!