Teen Pregnancy Forum - Im 17 And We May Be Expecting...


Im 17 And We May Be Expecting...

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Kady

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Im 17 And We May Be Expecting... Posted: 12-05-07 10:24am


Hello. I am 17, my fiance is 19 and we have been together for almost 4 years. I plan to go to college and get my degree in zoology. What I came on here for is I would like to ask to talk to anybody who has been through the same thing. I want to know...can I still fulfill my dreams? Can I still go to college? Can I still have somewhat of a life with baby? I was planning on getting a student loan for college...should I continue? Me and my fiance were planning on having a baby in a couple years cause we both love children...and to us we just think God muct have special plans for us. Babies are little miracles no matter when they come into your life. Can anyone help and talk with me? Thanks to anybody who has been through this and is willing to help.

Dannzibelle

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Posted: 12-05-07 10:32am


You can carry on with your dreams, you might have to prospone them a year though depending on when your due and your course starts. i'm goign to college next year when my daughter will be 14 months old, she'll be staying in the college nursery

Kady

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Posted: 12-05-07 10:39am


Ok, I was also going to go to college full time and get my 4 year degree, people say it will still take about 8 years to get a 4 year with a baby. Is this true? I was planning on staying on campus but thats not an option anymore. So we will get an apoartment together. Will it be possible to get an apartment and have a baby and go to college?

Jude-Love

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Posted: 12-05-07 11:16am


It's possible, but it's going to be really tough. My husband and I have been living together for three years and all of those years I have been a college student. We don't even have children and it's been really really tough. I get lots of financial aid, but going to school full time means that you are limited in what kind of hours you can handle at a job. Which basically leaves you with pretty much one income-and taking care of two people on one income is hard enough. It's going to be even more rough with a baby. Not to mention, babies need around the clock care and I doubt you're going to be able to tell a gassy or fussy infant to be quiet so you can study. I am getting a bachelors. This is my fourth year. I've still got about two years left before I'll have it! It isn't that you should be discouraged, but since you are now pregnant, you will have to be realistic and put what you wanted to do for you on hold. If I were you, I'd wait a couple of years before I started college. Most eighteen year olds think they know what they want to do with their life at first, but often change their major 1-2 years into their coursework anyway. In fact, I think I'd wait awhile before I moved in with my fiance.

Kady

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Posted: 12-05-07 13:03pm


Well, Im going to move in with him because were getting married his summer. I have been with him so long and we almost live with eachother now. I couldn't handle it without him. Were going to have a family and families live togother. Im going away for college and he's going to the same college so either we get an apartment seperate or together. I would say together...we do everything hand in hand. I have always been told if you put your mind to it you can do anything...and I've also been told that if you wait to go to college you will never go. Im getting a loan and Im also getting quite a bit of financial aide for college. I KNOW it will be tough but many people tell me we can do it if we try. Im trying to find people who have done it and I've found a couple online and a couple in real life but none are similar to the way Im doing it. I will just hope and pray because obviously god wanted this for a reason. Thanks to people who have responded. I'll keep checking for more.

Ingi

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Posted: 12-05-07 13:20pm


You should first find out if you are pregnant.

Jude-Love

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Posted: 12-05-07 13:26pm


It's understandable (about the living together thing). I wouldn't want to live without my husband, especially if I'm having a baby. I waited two years before starting college. I'm glad I did because right now, I'd probably be doing something I'm not really into now since what I wanted to do when I graduated high school has changed dramatically. I saved up money, got reliable transportation, thought hard about what I wanted to do, etc. I waited two years and I still changed my major from journalism to nursing! But the reason I suggested waiting is because if you charge ahead with school work and then you find out you can't handle it with your household duties and taking care of an infant, you risk not completing classes, bringing down your GPA, or any of those things that you don't want. Personally, I'd want to get into the groove of being a mother, get my child on a routine, and get settled with married life before throwing college into the mix. Believe or not, marriage is tough. Often, the first year is pure hell. I am not raining on your parade, but you don't realize at all right now how stressful caring for an infant can be. YOUR infant, not someone else's. You don't get a break. Ever. However hard you think it will be at this point, I'll bet it's ten times harder than that. Having a baby directly affects your career. Women with children don't get the same opportunities as women who are childless. The trade-off is enough because you have a child that you love and care for for the rest of your life. But be realistic.

Moo

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Posted: 12-06-07 07:37am

Kady wrote:

Ok, I was also going to go to college full time and get my 4 year degree, people say it will still take about 8 years to get a 4 year with a baby. Is this true?

Yes, if you are planning to do a 4year degree part time because of having a child then it will take 8 years to complete. You could always try to do it full time but I doubt that it would be possible if you had a young child.

I'm not sure where you are but if you are in the UK then the loans given to students are barely enough to cover the essentials for yourself let alone a baby

anniek

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Posted: 12-06-07 09:22am


I only went to college for a year. My daughter was 1 year. I was full time and worked in a part time job. My husband was our main income. I did it. It was hard but I did it and would have continued but had a great job offer. Yes it is hard but if you want it to work out put your head up and go for it!! Don't let things get you down! It will work out, just remember that! You are trying to make a better life for your child. Love it and do the best you can!! If you ever want to PM me feel free. I understand I've been there. (I had my daughter just after I turned 1

Rosie H

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Posted: 12-06-07 09:37am


hello, I just wanted to say that you should not beleive it when people say if you dont go right out of high school you never will. You make that decision and you put yourself there. My father was always on my case to apply for college, get a car, and start getting my financial aid when I was 16! I had no freeking clue what was going on at 16! I didnt listen to him or anyone else. I graduated high school and then worked full time. I got a car and a really nice apartment. I have a life for myself. I recently went back to school 2 years after high school. Its the best thing I could have done. I waited enough time to figure out what I want with my life. I am not trying to discourage you though, just do whats right for you

Altari

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Posted: 12-06-07 17:48pm


Hey Kady, I've been in your exact position. If you ever want to talk, pm me. You CAN do it, it just sucks...really hard...getting there.

anniek

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Posted: 12-06-07 20:14pm


My post was supposed to say I had my daughter a month after I turned 18. Sorry! You need to do what is best for you, your partner, and the baby. Whatever that is. Like Rosie said if it's going to school great! If its getting job awesome! But don't let anyone tell you what you should do! Take care I hope things are going well

young Girl

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Posted: 12-06-07 20:31pm


haveing a child doesnt mean your life is over or that you have to give up everything you want for yourself and your future its about compromising and working around things to achieve your dreams and goals. my bf told me "its not like we are giving everything away. were justb putting it all on pause" and i think thats so true

Verizon-y

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Posted: 12-06-07 23:24pm


Here are some facts for you: "Only 2 percent of teen mothers will graduate from college. Eighty-two percent of children whose parents do not have a high school diploma live in poverty. Seventy-five percent of unmarried teen mothers begin to receive welfare within five years of their first child. Almost 80 percent of fathers to children with teen mothers will not marry the mothers and will pay less than $800 annually in child support. The daughters of teen mothers are three times more likely to become teenage mothers themselves as compared to daughters of mothers ages 20 and 21. The dismal statistics go on and on." You could be part of that 2%, though.

Altari

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Posted: 12-06-07 23:38pm


Well..future, if she's pregnant, those stats don't do much, do they? Sad to say, those stats are created by our society. People expect teen parents to fail. That isn't to say that having a child at a young age is a good thing but the outlook wouldn't be so bleak if people gave teen parents more concern and support than they do. Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt. And I'm happy to say that in Fall '08 my husband will graduate from university, and in the near future following that I will return. And, without much humility, I will also say that we are STRONGLY above the poverty line. We were blessed with family, friends and mentors who didn't look at us and see teenage parents - they saw two kids who made a mistake and needed help. We were also blessed with a determination to NOT be a statistic, to be successful, and it sounds like the OP has that as well.

young Girl

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Posted: 12-07-07 00:00am

futureshock wrote:

Here are some facts for you:

"Only 2 percent of teen mothers will graduate from college. Eighty-two percent of children whose parents do not have a high school diploma live in poverty. Seventy-five percent of unmarried teen mothers begin to receive welfare within five years of their first child. Almost 80 percent of fathers to children with teen mothers will not marry the mothers and will pay less than $800 annually in child support. The daughters of teen mothers are three times more likely to become teenage mothers themselves as compared to daughters of mothers ages 20 and 21. The dismal statistics go on and on."

You could be part of that 2%, though.

wow
my mom doesnt have a high school diploma amnd she definately does not live in poverty lol

Jude-Love

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Posted: 12-07-07 09:36am


the_girlfriend, it's great that your family is going to help pay your way, but really, that isn't much of an accomplishment on your part, is it? Not saying it's wrong, but it doesn't mean that every teen mom can do what you're doing.

Altari

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Posted: 12-07-07 10:39am

Jude-Love wrote:

the_girlfriend, it's great that your family is going to help pay your way, but really, that isn't much of an accomplishment on your part, is it? Not saying it's wrong, but it doesn't mean that every teen mom can do what you're doing.

Wow, what a hateful thing to say. No wonder so many girls are in trouble. If you take help from your parents, then you're a freeloader and have made no accomplishment of your own. The only way to "prove" you can accomplish something is to do it all on your own. Turns teenage mothers in petulant children.

I guess all those kids who get PHDs on daddy's dime aren't really accomplishing anything either, have they?

Jude-Love

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Posted: 12-07-07 11:06am


I was comparing her situation to the original poster's situation, who plans to be living on her own with only her boyfriend to support her. If you have parents who can do that, great. But it's a luxury teen moms don't always have. Your comment "No wonder so many girls are in trouble" is dramatic. I think my opinions or the opinions of others have little to do with one's personal troubles. Attitudes like that remind me that young people still don't like to take responsibility for their choices.

Altari

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Posted: 12-07-07 11:19am

Jude-Love wrote:

I was comparing her situation to the original poster's situation, who plans to be living on her own with only her boyfriend to support her. If you have parents who can do that, great. But it's a luxury teen moms don't always have.

Having the support of your family is not a luxury. How many teen girls have been kicked to the curb, but they're older, married sisters were fawned over? It happens.

Quote:

Your comment "No wonder so many girls are in trouble" is dramatic. I think my opinions or the opinions of others have little to do with one's personal troubles.

It is not dramatic. When these girls, who desperately need validation, support and help, are met with the opinions of adults, they do take them seriously. If they are told, as you SAID, that it "isn't much of an accomplishment" to rely on your family, what will they do? They'll try to "prove" that they can do it. They're stuck in this world where they're expected to simultaneously be adults and children. As children they do whatever it takes to receive adult validation; as adults they want to prove themselves.

Quote:

Attitudes like that remind me that young people still don't like to take responsibility for their choices.

And attitudes like this remind me of all the hateful, hurtful things people said to me when I was 17 and scared. Sorry, darling, receiving help from your family does not mean you are not "taking responsibility". And pointing out a flawed and hateful opinion doesn't mean that, either.

My husband and I would have failed if we hadn't been given a chance. For every teen couple like us, there are 49 that were never given the chance and support they needed. You don't think "personal opinions" has an affect on them? When the one person (any person, not specific) that has the ability to give them the chance, lets their "personal opinions" interfere with giving them that chance? When they are told, daily, from every angle, that they'll fail?