Pregnancy Forum - Unsupportive Fiance During Pregnancy


Unsupportive Fiance During Pregnancy

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Relm

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 08 Dec 2007
Posts: 64
Location: Toronto, ON Canada

Unsupportive Fiance During Pregnancy Posted: 12-08-07 18:38pm


I'm now 15 weeks pregnant! It's been a really hard first trimester. I had hyperemesis (sever morning sickness that lasted all day) and was completely bed ridden for almost 4 weeks. I should be starting to get better soon (or so the books have been telling me), but over the past few weeks I've grown depressed and edgy. My fiance doesn't understand what constant nausea and fatigue is. He gets very bitter when I leave the kitchen a mess, or throw my laundry on the floor. Yet, I can't clean my dishes or walk around a bit because every single little smell makes me gag and I get light headed and dizzy. He works very hard all day as a manager of a bakery and comes home to a messed up house - which isn't his fault. But, now I feel completely separated from him from his constant snippy remarks about cleanliness and laziness. Meanwhile - we have a room mate who I always cleaned up after and now I can't so he's making his mess and staking it atop mine. It's not fair that my fiance wouldn't say something to him - but constantly reprimands me. I feel like he's not the some person he used to be, and I'm getting sick of his attitude. I'm not sure if I can tolerate this awful behavior anymore . I don't know what do do anymore, he's making me hate my pregnancy and myself. What should I do? I've tried talking to him a few times and he apologizes but just acts the some way the very next day!!! What should I do!!

mominashoe

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Joined: 04 Dec 2007
Posts: 1559
Location: , USA

Thanks: 13

Thanked:3

Posted: 12-08-07 21:32pm


It sounds like you and your fiancee need a break from each other or have a long chat to work things out quickly. Although it's normal to feel low and depressed about yourself because of the constant pressure he is putting on you, you should know and emphasize the fact to yourself (and him) that it is not your fault. Not at all. Don't think for one minute that it is your fault that you cannot meet his demands, so don't feel bad about yourself. If there is nothing that can be done about the situation, perhaps there is another place that you could stay, perhaps a visit to your mother's or a sister's where you could be helped a little more than not, and can be relieve of your duties so that you can recover, and until the sickness subsides. The stress that your fiancee is causing you is not healthy emotionally or physically, and could be making your symptoms worse. He needs to realize that it is his baby too, and part of what partners do is support each other. The baby is his responsibility just as much as it is yours. He doesn't just get off scott free.......what you have to deal with is nothing in comparison to coming home to a little bit of laundry on the floor and a few dirty dishes. You have to deal with looking at the dirty dishes and laundry just as much as he does. He should be supportive and help you out because part of the baby-making process also belongs to him. And it doesn't end here either. Does he think that once the baby is born, things are going to be better? A child brings so much more to the table...sleepless nights, toys strewn on the floor, much more laundry... If he can't handle it now, how is he going to be mature enough to be a good an supportive father and partner when the time comes? I understand that he is a hard working person and needs that space of comfort that is what he calls home. Just think of it as yourself as the person who is working all day, and never gets out to go to a place of comfort, and on top of it, there is someone who blames you for not keeping up when you are really doing the best you can.

angelinhiseyes2007

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Posts: 204

Posted: 12-09-07 18:20pm


honey i know were you are coming from but mine is not my feauncee being that way its my mother in law.. she is constatly repremanding me for not cleaning the house the way she wants it cleaned but you know what i am here in her house rasing 5 kids that are not mine i am 7 months pregnant and i am doing the best i can.. i cant sit on the hard wood floor every freaking night and bleach the da mn floor like she does or like she wants it done i cant clean a 5 bed room house with 2 baths a living room kitchen and dinning room in 4 hours hell i am not super woman... but yeah honey i know how you feel..

Relm

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 08 Dec 2007
Posts: 64
Location: Toronto, ON Canada

Posted: 01-06-08 14:32pm


I just wanted to thank you for you're support and just say we're doing a lot better. I had one of my best friends, Alison, come over and she cleaned up my kitchen and did my laundry! She's an angel! My friend Emma, took me grocery shopping and helped me out too. Jerry's a lot less stressed now that Christmas is over and is coming to terms with his new responsibilities and I love him more then ever! : )

chrissy721

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 807
Location: Somewhere out there

Posted: 01-07-08 08:41am


aweeee! that stinks, hopefully things will cool off a bit. Hopefully soon your morning sickness will ease up and you can do more. All you can do is your best, and your fiance' will just have to deal with it. Is there someone that can come over and help you out a bit or something?