Struggling to Cope,sexless marriage

I agree with you. It's not just about NOT having sex. It's about intimacy. A good relationship needs intimacy to thrive and survive.

You have said that you've talked to her about this.... you've said that you're living a life of pressure and frustration and it's not making you happy.

What must you do to make you the happiest you can be??

Separation? Would you rather your kids go through a separation or grow up with a pressured, frustrated, tired and depressed father? Or one who took measures to make sure that his kids had the best dad possible?

that's only one suggestion.

I can't imagine being in a relationship with no intimacy.

There's got to be something else going on.... I wish you luck in finding out what it is. I'm not implying that she's being unfaithful, but she could be struggling with something incredibly private that takes a lot of courage to confront and deal with. You never know.

Just don't put yourself through the injustice of going through life frustrated, pressured. It's not fair to you or your family!

Wow, I can totally relate to you. Surviving A Sexless Marriage:Or Not is a good book that is selling on Amazon.com You might want to read it and have your wife read it. There is always hope...'
Good Luck

My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. I am 27, and we were obviously young when we met, and even got married, but we have the same problem. Although its unfortunate that others are going through the same thing, I feel comfort in that I am not alone. my husband became disinterested in sex with me right before we got married. It was the week before that we noticed when I went to visit him at the naval base where he was stationed that sex did not feel the same. Perhaps he got used to not needing me sexually. That's what I thought at the beginning, but now I am just full of frustrations. Most would assume that I was stupid to get married at all if the concern had already become an issue, but there was a $40,000 wedding that I did not want to cancel aside from the fact, that my desire to marry him had not changed. I thought we could work through things, but my first reality check happened on the night of our wedding. The one night that we were supposed to enjoy sex the most was the night that he avoided being with me alone as much as possible. So we had quick sex just to get it over with, but it was the beginning of the most emotional crash I will ever experience. We have talked and argued about it for years. The strange thing is that we have a marriage that works so. Sex is the only obvious problem and neither he or I know why it had to happen to us which keeps me in the marriage. However, I know he has sexual fantasies and he loves porn because he has become obsessed with the one thing he doesnt have with me and it drives me crazy. I considered suicide once because I saw no way out of this problem. We are still together and I even cheated once, even if it was only to feel wanted for 10 minutes, but I love my husband and I want to get him to have sex with me. I have tried everything in the book, even stripping for him, but nothing works. Most men tell me that I am a gorgeous woman, but I think my husband expects me to be as beautiful as I was when I modeled. Men dont understand that women change after having kids. I am desperate. I need help too and I don't know what to do. We now only have sex once every 6 months maybe and its when he's drunk. Marriage counseling confirmed that he was the problem, but money kept us from continuing with the program. Should I divorce because I have a sexless marriage? I am so frustrated I can screan all day and cry all night. Why are men at work initiating sex that I turn down to be with another man that does not care for intimacy with me?

Milay-- it sounds like other men are initiating things because you are obviously still beautiful, and it is a relationship problem, not a looks problem.
I don't think sex is always about looks at all. Not in a relationship. Then it's about other things, and telling your partner it's a problem for you is the first thing--it's amazing how after many years of marriage (8 for me), one person can't always tell when another is suffering.
Maybe both of you want sex but don't know how to start it after all this time without having it be a big emotional fight or feeling unwanted and unsexy in the process. Speaking as a woman, feeling unwanted is terrible.
Maybe, if you are really not excited by each other, then you can try something a little different like watching a softcore porn movie or telling each other a fantasy you have, then letting yourselves kiss and touch while one person continues the fantasy. Do you ever masturbate? You can watch each other do this, then try to pleasure each other one day, and see where it goes from there.
Not every couple has the same sexual needs--I want sex way more often than my husband!--but I can't believe that someone doesn't want sex at all. Maybe your partner has gotten so used to his/her own fantasies, or looking at sexy pictures or videos, that he/she doesn't know how to get it started in real life, and is scared or embarrassed or cynical, thinking it won't be as good as the fantasy or the porn.
Just some ideas.

Here is another thing to think about. I appologize if this seems harsh. But has she ever givin you any incling that she might be gay. There are alot of gay and straight marriages out there. There are so many reasons why this happens. First and upmost to have a child. I had a friend that got married and she was out in the open gay. Her husband loved her more then he loved life. She got pregnant and had a girl and left him less the a year later. He knew she was gay from the start. Look for telltail signs here. There has got to be some. I think you are just overlooking them to spare you the pain.
Somthing is not right and it is right in front of you nose. Just take a few steps back and take a good long look.

I think when it come to marriage, excessive refusal to engage in intimacy is a free pass out. You've committed to someoneand now you're solely responsible for their sexual satisfaction. I'm not talking about "honey I have cramps" or whatever, but this first poster of five years no sex, and the second of maybe once every six months for ten years.

Look at how it erodes self esteem. I say divorce, or instigate the "don't ask, don't tell" policy of engaging in sex with others.