Hello everyone,
I am new to these forums and have come in
hopes of better educating myself, and
hopefully improving my ongoing
relationship with my girlfriend.
We are both virgins, aged 19 and 20 (I
being the younger and the male), I have
been in a few relationships before, but
none going past kissing. This is her first
relationship ever. We have recently moved
towards petting and what could be
considered foreplay, but with no intention
of having sex. We are both very open about
our relationship, and discussed that she
is not ready for sex, or any reciprocating
foreplay - a sentiment that I have no
problem with, and am supportive of; she
should go only as fast as she feels
comfortable with, and she knows that this
is how I feel. I am considerably more
knowledgable about sex and relationships
than she is, as my family was fairly open
about the topic, where her family was
fairly conserative, going as far as to
highly discouraging and not allowing her
siblings to kiss their significant others.
She considers the rules ridiculous and
thus defies them. (we are both away from
home for schooling, and attend the same
educational facility).
This being said, I come to the issue at
hand. Ill explain the process in detail in
hopes that detail will provide a better
picture of the problem and hopefully
produce more accurate assessments and
responses. When we engage in foreplay, we
take things slowly, starting with slow
kissing and general affectionate talking
and the like - then stimulation of the
breasts both in and out of clothing, and
oral stimulation of the breasts for a
considerable amount of time (5-10 minutes?
educated guess really, not exactly keeping
track of time.) Then stimulation of the
vulva and vaginal area. I understand that
direct stimulation of the clitoris can be
extremely painful for girls and women, and
being inexperienced, am learning slowly
how fast and how much i can stimulate her
without pain - this is not my concern
though - during finger penetration, I
noticed her wincing in pain despite going
about the penetration fairly slowly. Upon
asking if her reaction was pleasure or
pain, she said it was really painful. So,
in an effort to get to the bottom of her
pain, I asked her to allow me to try to
find the source, to which she agreed - I
tried inserting slowly again, and was able
to put my middle finger in up to the
second knuckle (about an inch and a half)
before it started hurting.
Ive heard and read about vaginismus, but
am not entirely sure that is what the case
is because of the distance of penetration.
Can anyone please provide some insight as
to what the issue might be attributed to?
She has said she feels really bad about
not knowing why she feels pain, and I
repeatedly assure her that it isnt her
fault and that's not a problem - we are
both sincere - but I would like to help
her get through this so she can have an
experience without pain, and maybe even
help her to her first orgasm at some point
when she feels she is ready.
Thank you for taking the time to read and
help us - any response is greatly
anticipated and appreciated.
