Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Ok Now Its My Turn to Ask For Help Posted: 12-14-07 23:57pm
i dont know what to do. i usually am not
the one posting on this forum asking for
help. im usually the one giving help.
i had a baby a little over 2 weeks ago. i
dont know if maybe this is hormones or
what but i just
feel
like crying
there are numerous things wrong with me. i
dont even know where to start
the first and formost one must be that i
miss my sister so bad that it hurts me
alot. now literally hurts my heart to
think about it. i havent talked to her or
hung out with her in 6 months. her and
travis (boyfriend) got into it and ever
since i havent been able to see or talk to
her because of thier argument. she was my
best friend
the only person i had left that would hang
out with me. since i drpped out and all
those freakbag so called friends left
me...and forgot about me. she was the last
one there.
travis doesnt get the fact that i NEED
someone. i need a friend. besides the ones
i talk to on the internet (well... on
here LOL)
i need someone in real life
here
and i dont have that
my litle borther will be 13 in april
ive missed out on an entire year of his
life
his first football game
middle school
he used to look up to me
i would be all he talked about
he tought he had the coolest big sister in
the world
now he doesnt even know me and i dont know
him
i seriously dont know what im doing
i want to cry
im in so many diferent directions right
now. if that makes any sence
i miss them so bad
i miss my mom.
i miss my 16 yr old dog wishbone thats
going to pass away soon and i wont be
there for her last breaths of life
and i cant go back
never
i wouldnt want to
i have a great life with travis and my
daughter. ive got everything i need
material wise
but sometimes thats just not enough
and i cant talk to travis about it. hes
not understanding of this kind of stuff
he doesnt get it because hes an only child
who hs his parenst in his life every day
i dont
i moved out
dropped out at 15
i just need help
please someone just talking helps.
|
The Mrs
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 451 Location: , Texas
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-15-07 00:13am
Suzy, I moved out of my house when I was
young, too. No, I wasn't 15, but it's not
much different 2 years later. I have a
much younger brother who I love. I was an
only child for most of my life and begged
my parents for a sibling forever. They
finally had one a billion years later, and
he became a big part of my life. I took
care of him night and day when he was a
baby, I went with him on his first day of
school, I spoiled him whatever way I
could, and I take up for him like crazy
now. But I MISS him. It makes me sad
that he is now growing up an only child
himself. I want to be there for him and
take him to movies and football games and
stand up for him when my parents yell at
him and just everything. But instead, I
moved out. And then a while later I got
married. So that's it. I'm just never
gonna be there for him again. And it
hurts me. It's so sad when I see him the
few times I ever am able to drive the way
and spend a holiday with them or whatever
and he asks to come with me or if I can
stay longer. The first time he called me
on the phone and complained to me about
how bored he was didn't make me happy...
it made me really really sad. The fact of
it was I hadn't even realized at that time
that my little baby brother could even use
a phone and have a conversation like that.
It hurts. I miss my mom. I miss my dad.
I live in a house with my husband, and two
of our good friends sleep in our bunkbeds
in the guest bedroom (one does 24/7, the
other does five days a week) so that they
can be close to college and not have to
pay overpriced rent. I have no females in
my life at all. The worst part is, as
much as I love my guy friends, they are
suckers to me. None of them care about
how I feel or anything, they just make fun
of my insecurities and the stupid fights
me and Lance get in and it just sucks.
In fact, just last night we got into a
huge fight because I felt alone and I told
him I wished he spent more time with me.
The truth is, he works about 5 days a
week, and then of course he's tired and
wants to come home and be with his friends
and play video games or whatever. But
like, I just want someone to TALK to me.
He doesn't get that. He thought I was
trying to attack him. All I want is for
seomeone to care, you know? I feel alone.
I've been married for almost 2 years and
I don't think it's everrr hit me what my
life is really like and just how much it
has really changed.
I'm sorry I'm telling you this. My point
is... I understand. You are NOT alone! I
think growing up and things changing just
sucks or something
|
Mike East Texas
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 118 Location: Conroe, TX Montgomery
It's Different But the Same Posted: 12-15-07 00:19am
I know what you are talking about. It's
not just one depression. It is layers of
depression. One layer was years of abuse,
and divorce. Another layer is the problems
with my childhood self image that is
around today. Another layer is my bad
health. It is common to have depression
right after heart bypass. Another layer is
loneliness. I have children, and
grandchildren, I will never see again, or
never will. I feel that I will never have
good physical contact for the rest of my
life. The way I work, and live, I can
never have a pet. I feel like the only
value I had was as a good worker. I have
just been demoted. I have worked night
shift for 40 days with a cranky boss that
cusses at me. That alone would give the
best person depression, and I was
depressed when I started.
I am sure some of what you feel is post
partum depression. I have the post
surgical depression. You have the family
isolation. You feel that you should belong
to a larger society. I always felt like I
should. But, I have felt like I never
have.
All I can do is hold your hand, and say, I
understand. Love.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 12-15-07 00:28am
thaks loren it really seriously helps to
know someone can talk to me about this
i dont even try and bring it up to travis
because it ALWAYS starts a fight
i try i mean...to give him the hint that i
need friends...like the other day i said
"hey one of these days can i have someone
come spend the night?" and he said " yeah
just call them or whatever"
but honestly it would mean the world to me
if one day he just said " what about your
sister? wanna go see if she wants to come
hang out?"
i would die id be so happy
growing up DOES SUCK
i cry to kristen sometimes at night ( i
know that may sound freaking stupid but i
do ) and tell her
please please dont leave me when shes 15.
she will regret it. so many teenagers
think they want to leave home so fast.
everyone tries and grows up so fast
when the truth is sometimes you just want
to go back
honestly i dont know what is going to
happen loren. one day i think it will get
so rough and so bad between me and travis
(like in an argument i mean. beacuse when
we fight it gets bad. he ays alot of
things that hurt me) that i will end up
havening to go home, just for a few days.
just to make him understand and scare
him... i know that sounds bad but i just
KNOW its going to happen
that feeling sucks. to know that one day
thats what it may take to get him to
understand...
i just hope its not til kristen is a
little bit older
then it will be easier for me to take her
with me
|
marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1096 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 12-16-07 01:07am
Hey hunny!
I always found that not only did feeling
depressed suck, but it's very very
wasteful. It wastes energy, valuable
time... it seems to worsen the problems we
already have. We miss people, yet we feel
so negative and so hopeless that we do
nothing to help it. We look back on how
things used to be, yet we fail to move
forward... The important thing is to
realise that even though you feel crappy
right now, you have to focus on the good
and use that to channel positivity in your
life.
Though I didn't leave home at an early age
or drop out, I know what it's like to
dearly miss a sibling or two. Sometimes
all it takes is a hello. I understand that
you have conflicts of interest going on,
but you have to talk to your sister. Do it
for you. I'm sure that if Kristen was
older, she wouldn't want to see her mom so
sad.
And Suzy, I'm going to take a point of
advice that I've seen you, yourself give
to other people on here about
relationships... if someone isn't going to
give you what you need in a relationship,
either try really hard to work it out, or
do what's best for you and leave. I'm not
saying "Leave him!", I'm just saying that
looking out for your best interest is best
for you and your new daughter.
Feel free to PM... I'm always listening!
PS: Have you looked into any types of
post-birth depression? (Or have you had
these feelings before you had kristen?)
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 12-16-07 01:32am
hey marvel thanks for your post! i need to
learn to take my own advice sometimes
i havent looked into post natal depression
yet but im going to talk to my doctor
about it. i felt this way to a certain
extent before kristen was born but not
near this bad. its at the point to where
im just plain killing myself inside over
this. and the only thing that helps is to
talk about it...although deep down inside
the REAL one i NEED to talk to about it
all is travis
id like to NOT have to get on anti
depressants because of it. im not a
medicine type of person LOL. but maybe i
need it. maybe im denying the fact that i
feel this way just like i try to hide it
every day
hiding things just doesnt work for me.
because when i hide them from everyone
else, it hurts me so bad. and i get upset
and when i DO feel sad like this whihc is
rare...it gets bad
cant sleep
cant eat
cant think
i just want to cry
i cried to my mom today...that really
helped me alot too.
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Hart74
Supporter
Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 531 Location: Woodlands (not like there are woods anywhere near) Garden City ,
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The_girlfriend Posted: 12-16-07 06:36am
Suzy hun, this is what it may be call the
post-natal blue (at least to me). The
feeling of becoming a new mommy,not
hanging out with friend like you used to,
guilt (for not talking to your sister
& brother), the new resposiblities etc
set in.
Hunny it's okay to talk to Kristen about
your feeling (personally I think that
what's make a mother-daughter bonding
stronger). About Travis not being
supportive, you're not the only one my
husband is also the same at times, if he
doesn't do/say what you want them to just
follow your heart and do what you think is
right. About having the the feeling before
Kristen was born it's is call pre-natal
blue (don't what to expect of the upcoming
life). Don't hide or bottle your feeling
it's not healthy let it go, cry if you
must after crying you'll feel better.
Growing does sucks sometime its part and
parcel of life we grow up, gets mature and
grow old from our experince.
About Travis give him time, to set in as a
new father, like you he may be overwhelm
by the new things that has change in his
life. P.M. me anytime you need to talk.
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marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1096 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 12-16-07 12:58pm
I was never a medication person, either. I
did go on it for a short time until I
could deal with my problems. I found that
depression paralyzed me from dealing with
the problems that were causing my
depression in the first place. A crappy
cycle. So I went on the meds, dealt with
everything, and now I'm great.
And you're right... you gotta do what you
have to do. And we'll all be here to
support you!
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
Posted: 12-16-07 20:36pm
Hey Suzy!
Postpartum depression (the baby blues) is
really really common. Of course, that
doesn't make it any easier. On one hand,
it might help you to know that it will
probably go away soon, but on the other
hand, it sucks!
Talk to Travis!! Tell him that you need
someone, you need your sis. Trust me, I'm
married, and sometimes you need a good
friend to whine to about your man or kid
or anything. My sis is my best friend too,
and I don't know what I'd do without her.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself
first, so you can be healthy and happy
enough to care for you daughter. If you
need help, don't be afraid to go find it.
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 12-17-07 00:33am
Georgia59
wrote:
Hey Suzy!
Postpartum depression (the baby blues) is
really really common. Of course, that
doesn't make it any easier. On one hand,
it might help you to know that it will
probably go away soon, but on the other
hand, it sucks!
Talk to Travis!! Tell him that you need
someone, you need your sis. Trust me, I'm
married, and sometimes you need a good
friend to whine to about your man or kid
or anything. My sis is my best friend too,
and I don't know what I'd do without her.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself
first, so you can be healthy and happy
enough to care for you daughter. If you
need help, don't be afraid to go find
it.
Right on the money! This is so very commom
like Danielle said. I would cry for any
reason at all. You have to realize all of
hormones are changing all over again.
Danielle is right Suzy, it will go away.
It is a wonderful but scarey thing to have
a new infant. You will make a great
mother.
Pluse if you are prone to a bit of
depression and the post partum on top of
it, that reaslly takes the cake. You do
need someone to hang out with. Did you
meet anyother new mommies in the hospital
at all? You can go to free parenting
classes and make some great friends there.
Don't let this make you a shut in Suzy.
Your life with you new baby has just begun
girl. Cherish every moment you can, they
grow up way to fist.
Mother of three,
Carrie
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silvrdark
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 3 Location: ,
Posted: 12-18-07 22:30pm
Suzy,
I've been there. I know it's hard,
especially when you are with a guy who
doesn't get it. Sometimes us girls just
need to be with someone who we can vent to
about all these feelings. I'm glad you
are talking to people for support and
help. Try to find other moms in your area
that you can talk to... they will know
what you are going through... and if you
want, you can certainly talk to me.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 12-20-07 18:14pm
thank all of you so much for your help
you have no ide how much it means to me
things are looking better now. im going to
talk to my doctor about post partum
depression maybe? i dont feel sad all the
time but when i DO get sad i get s-a-d.
happy hiolidays everyone. and thanks once
again for helping me
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PenguinsRus
Moderator
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1206 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 12-21-07 12:53pm
the_girlfriend
wrote:
one day i think it will get
so rough and so bad between me and travis
(like in an argument i mean. beacuse when
we fight it gets bad. he ays alot of
things that hurt me) that i will end up
havening to go home, just for a few days.
just to make him understand and scare
him... i know that sounds bad but i just
KNOW its going to
happen
That does not sound bad at all. He needs
to learn and understand that he needs to
be there for you, and that you do have it
in you to leave if you know you really
have to. I've had experience with that in
two ways. My father is an alcoholic/drug
addict, and when I was younger my mom said
that we had to get away so she took me
with her and we went to stay at her
friends house for a few days. By the time
we got back, my dad was really apologetic
and he got his act together for a few
days. Granted it didn't fix things
forever, but it really did make him
realize that we can do this without him
and change himself for a little bit trying
to make things okay.
Another way I have experience with what
you are feeling is that two years ago when
I was 18 I moved away from home. I moved
from my home in the Philadelphia area to
NYC, which is about 2 hours away. I moved
in with Mike. I love him dearly, and him
and I have to take care of me, hold me,
etc, but sometimes I just miss home. I
miss my mom. I miss having my group of
high school friends. I always look at
their facebooks/myspaces/etc, and see all
of the fun things they are doing together
and miss it so bad. I miss my brother,
who was my really good friend. Could you
try calling your sister more? I know when
I miss my friends and family the most I
try my best to call. Do you drive at all?
Maybe you could go for just a day or two
to pay everyone a visit. Is there a bus?
See if your sister can take a bus to you
and stay at Travis's for a night or two.
The most important thing is to keep in
contact with those who care so you don't
lose that part of you. Things will be
fine. You are a very strong mother for
Kristen and good girlfriend to Travis.
They are lucky to have you.
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lonestarguy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 591 Location: , Hoosierland, USA
Thanks: 10
Thanked:1
Hi Suzy Posted: 12-21-07 13:26pm
Hey girl. I just saw this and felt I just
had to talk to you.
What the others have said is true. Post
Partum depression affects a lot of new
moms in varying degrees and you have new
hormones, too. Plus the fact that some
family things in your life are causing you
extreme sadness. I know it's not an easy
thing to do, but try to talk with Travis
some more and explain how much your
sister's absense is affecting you.
I was separated from my family most of my
adult life (still am) and it took many
years of me trying to build up a wall so I
wouldn't have feelings for them. Finally,
I realized that family is more important
than anything else on this earth. So, I
tried to make up for lost time.
Family is everything to you and I caution
you to not let your situation now
determine how much you see your family.
Travis will always be yours and the baby
will be there, too, but your family will
not always be there. So, take advantage of
the opportunity while you are young to see
them and love them.
I know you don't like medications, but
they usually work for short-term
depression, so definitely think about
talking with your doctor about the way you
are feeling. The holiday season is
sometimes a sad time for depressed people,
too.
I hope you get help for your sadness and
crying and, mostly for your pain being
away from your family. I know you trust me
as a friend and I would like you to know
that I'm thinking of you all the time, so
good luck.
Lonestarguy
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 12-21-07 17:17pm
Hey Suzy,
It's gonna take time. Like I said, your
body is going through one heck of a change
in hormones right now. Plus, you've
carried around something for 9 months that
you had no idea what was going to look
like, feel like etc.....Your a new mommy
now and that alone can be scary. You will
come out of this. Just understand that it
is not you mind and that it is your body
that is changing. It's missing something
now
and has to get use to the change.
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hotmamma
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-27-07 21:05pm
hi everyone. i have no idea how to get
through life these days. i had a baby
daughter 6 months ago and i have been
feeling progressively worse. every little
thing makes me want to cry and sometimes i
have episodes so serious i curl up on my
bed and cry for hours. i dont know who to
turn to or what to do. i am on effexor and
it is not helping... any advice?
