Helping Husband with Bipolar Posted: 12-15-07 00:32am
My husband has been diagnosed with
bipolar, but he refuses to admit he has it
or needs help. He is destroying all his
relationships. How can I help him without
making him angry?
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puzzld
Supporter
Joined: 19 Nov 2007 Posts: 188 Location: gulf coast =), USA
Posted: 12-15-07 08:54am
it is so wonderful that you want to help
him. i really don't know him so i'm not
sure what his triggers are.
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BoneyardDiva
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Sep 2007 Posts: 72 Location: Nunya, USA
Posted: 12-16-07 17:41pm
Can you visit his therapist with him
during his next session? Perhaps being
able to talk in a neutral zone will help
your husband understand that you're not
trying to control him. The therapist will
be able to offer good suggestions, as
well. I've been to a few sessions w/ my
husband & they've always helped me a
great deal.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5323 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 64
Thanked:28
Posted: 12-17-07 11:23am
That was a good suggestion boneyarddiva.
Is he going to therapy, though?
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Mr_Del
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Dec 2007 Posts: 22
Posted: 12-18-07 19:26pm
He has to want help for himself before he
will do anything. You can try to influence
his choice but try not to make it look
needy. To much pressure on him for this
can result in argument and possible
physical violence. Some people will
continue to deny it for life. Talk with
his friends that may also be your own to
come up with ways to drop hints. Hopefully
he will catch on. Just do not force
anything on him. That will cause him to
cave in and never seek help.
It does help if you have a friend that
Also has BD (one that is getting help).
Put them together and hope for the best.
Make sure they go hang out and stuff like
that. Something may come out of it. If he
can see first hand that another is getting
help and it helps that will open some
eyes.
-Del
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5323 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 64
Thanked:28
Posted: 12-19-07 15:02pm
I was just thinking about this...
does your husband know much about bipolar?
maybe find some information for him and
let him know that it doesn't mean he's
crazy or less of a person. Perhaps if he
knows more about it then he will be more
willing to accept it and get help.
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coal
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 22
Posted: 12-19-07 19:23pm
You're not the only one - I've just
started posting a while ago, and I'm in
the exact same boat as you.
I think you just have to keep an eye on
what makes him angry. My husband is doing
great except for his anger problems, also.
I find that what makes him angry is
whenever I try to talk to him about
problems we've been having - how he's
almost cheated on me, how he wants a
divorce, blah, blah, blah.
I find that the only way to help my
husband is to talk to him when he's calm,
and don't push any issues that he doesn't
want to talk about. Another time I can
talk to him is when he's really happy (not
manic, just in a real good mood) and if I
make light of the issue. He likes to joke
around with me about our situation, and
that helps, too.
Medication and counselling are what he
really needs - is he getting either of
these? Because, believe me, if things
were going to be this way for the rest of
our lives, I wouldn't be with my husband.
I'm just sort've riding the storm out
until something clicks with his
medication, and then we can work on
healing any relationships that need
mending.
All you can do is be supportive, and try
to put your own feelings on hold until he
can control himself. I know that sounds
horrible, but it seems like that's what a
lot of us are doing.
Anyway, I probably haven't said anything
that hasn't been said before, but I hope
maybe some of this will help you. Let me
know if you want to chat - my husband was
just diagnosed about 3 months ago - sounds
like we have a lot in common.
Coal
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ElizabethAtlas
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 1
Posted: 04-28-08 19:00pm
As traumatizing as your situation is for
you right now, you are exhibiting one of
the most common reactions of a spouse
married to a bipolar wife (or a bipolar
husband): Wanting to help more than he
wants to be helped. It's a slippery slope.
You have a long road ahead of you. You
must educate yourself on this illness if
you want to stay married. Whatever frame
of mind he's in today, guaranteed, it will
be different in a day, week, month, year.
That's what a mood disorder does. Some
people do well on medication; sometimes
the medication stops working.
You have lots to learn, and you should
start digging in right now. Find a NAMI
organization in your area. Read everything
you can get your hands on. Join a support
group. When you're knowledgeable, you'll
have enough ammunition to make intelligent
decisions and ask the right questions.
I know all this because my ex-husband is
bipolar. In fact, I wrote a book about my
experiences because there was very limited
support for spouses when I was married.
You may want to read it: (edited to remove
link)
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