Do you think I sould just deal with his lack goals for our future?
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jdiggah
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Dec 2007 Posts: 1
Lack of Ambition in Husband Posted: 12-17-07 00:15am
Hello,
Sorry for the long post:
When I met my husband I liked that he was
very ambitioius. He told me how he was
trying to go to school and how he was
trying to get himself together.
At the time he did not have a job, car, or
place of his own. I was only 19 so you
could imagine how I didnt see the signs
that he may not have been as ambitious as
me(at the time I was on my own and in
college. I am currently finishing
graduate school). He enrolled in school
(to finish his high school education) and
I helped him get a retail job.
The job was supposed to be a temporary
thing while he finished school. He has
since quit school and been working at this
job going on 5 years. He has totally lost
his ambition. He always complains that he
wants kids and a house but I always ask
him to finish school so we can have a
stable income and buy that house.
The reason I am not comfortable having
kids is because I rarely see my husband.
He often works 12 hour shifts and his
income varies depending on his sales. in
the last 3 months he has been moved to 3
different stores around the area where we
live.
Whenever I talk to him about his career
and try to plan our future he gets angry
and tells me I am nagging him. I have
been going through this 5 years and he has
not done anything for our future. I am
breaking my back by going to school,
trying to start a business, researching,
and planning,etc... on my own. I just
feel all by myself on this.
I should also mention that he never cleans
anything (refuses to wash a dish). I know
it sounds petty but I feel like everything
is on my shoulders. I just dont want to
have kids because I feel like I would have
to raise them on my own as well.
I am only 24 years old now I feel like I
made a big mistake in getting married. I
cant even talk to my husband like a adult
without him leaving or emotionally abusing
me. We have gotten counseling, seperated,
etc. When we were seperated he promised
that he would be more serious about our
future but he goes right back to the same
old thing.
Is this how marrige is supposed to be? Do
you think I have enough reason to get a
divorce? I just dont want to waist time.
In my opinion you need to try counseling
again and bring up everything you said
here. He needs to make a change for your
future happiness and it would be selfish
of him not to really try his best. I know
they say "for better or for worse" but
when you are obviously trying your best,
and he doesn't seem to be even
attempting... I think you really do have
grounds to break that "rule".
I wouldn't throw in the towel yet, try the
counseling again and hope for the best.
But if things don't change you need to do
what is best for you and be happy.
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