I Need Help With My Gf Please Posted: 12-17-07 02:26am
Its been 10 months, and out of nowhere, my
girlfriend decides to break up with me.
She has been struggling with her ed our
whole relationship, but I did my best with
it and did all i could not to make it
worse. The day before we broke up, her
dad found out about her ed and I think
that is what set off her emotions. It has
been 3 weeks of breaking up, and then her
calling me and wanting to get back
together. There is also another boy in
the equation. Nothing like cheating or
anything, but she said she is interested
in him for some reasoon. We are
absolutely in love and we both feel we are
soulmates, but now she wants space, and is
trying to get me to avoid her. She also
told me she feels like I deserve better.
I really feel that her struggle with the
ed has caused our relationship these
problems, and it is hard for me because i
feel that she needs someone who loves her
to help her through this.
I would love is someone could give me an
explanation of what might be going on in
her mind as well as what would be best for
me to do to help her. Also, how will she
act towards me when she recovers?
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fhockey
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Dec 2007 Posts: 1
Posted: 12-19-07 21:15pm
I've struggled with eating disorders for
5+ years. Although I'm only eighteen and
I'm sure you may be looking for advise
from someone with more experience I may be
able to help. I know for me i always
broke it off with people I cared about
becuase, like you gf, i felt that the
other person deserved better. For those
struggling with body issues it is very
likely that your gf is also suffering from
horrible self esteem, which leads her to
think you deserve better. In my past
relationship that last over a year I was
constantly trying to push him away becuase
I felt that I didn't want to burden anyone
with my problems and that he should be
with someone better. It;s very hard for
her to explain it to you i'm sure, as it
was for me. My suggestion is tell her
that you understand, but dont push to hard
to help her change...make sure she
understands that you will support her and
be there for her, but will give her the
space she needs to help herself. after
all, the only one that can change her
struggle with eating disorders...is her.
Good luck
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iwantmygfback
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Dec 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-21-07 12:31pm
Thank you so much for the reply. That
does make a lot of sense to me, and she
has said some of the same things. She is
with another guy now and i really feel
that she is using him to push me away
further. She doesnt want to become
attached to the other guy either, but he
still makes her happy right now. I will
always be here for her, and I know she
will come to me again because of the bond
we share.
Thanks again for the reply, it has
reassured me of a lot.
|
PenguinsRus
Supporter
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1181 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 12-21-07 12:34pm
As hockey said, she probably has low self
esteem. That would make her think that
you deserve better. By reassuring her
that you are here for her no matter what
and that she is the girl thats right for
you, that will give her a lot of support
and some esteem that she needs. Forcing
her to change her ways would not be that
great for her, but if you let her know
that you are here to help her the best you
can in whatever way she may need you, I
bet she would appreciate it a lot. Good
luck!
|
iwantmygfback
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Dec 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-21-07 19:07pm
I always told her that I am here for her
no matter what. I figured it out that its
best for me to just listen to her when she
talks about her eating disorder, but to
not ever bring it up, or try to convince
her to get help.
We broke up for good, she just wants to be
friends and now she is with another guy.
I think I will just completely back off
for now, but she knows that I will always
be here for her, and that I love her.
Any feedback as far as her leaving me for
someone else?
Thanks everyone.
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purrfection
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 35 Location: Sydney, Australia
Posted: 01-01-08 00:47am
Maybe it doesn't have that much to do with
the ED? I don't know though I am very sorry
this happened to her and I think backing
off and giving her space for the moment
will help. I can unerstand how hard it
must be for you though. I hope you are ok
*hugs*
|
gingerelizabeth
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 79
Posted: 01-11-08 11:32am
someone cannot be truely happy in a
relationship until they are happy with
themselves.
give it time.
|
littlesskitty
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2008 Posts: 17 Location: ,
Posted: 01-11-08 21:07pm
I can fully relate to what you are going
through. I was with a guy for a long time
and we were engaged but I broke it off and
left him and went with another guy. I have
had my ed since i was 13 and im now 27, so
yes along time. I felt that my partner at
the time deserved better then me and it
was always such a stress on him and his
family, I felt like i didnt want to
burrden his life any more with my
problems. As hard as it was to leave I
felt i had no choise but to ignore him so
I could move on so could he and hopefully
he would find someone better to make him
happy. I did like your gf develope a great
freindship with another man and thats all
we were at that time I never cheated , but
I could really turn to the other guy for
support and he understood me, after I left
mt bf I developed a propper relationship
with the other guy but have always felt
bad about the way I ended it with my old
bf, it hurt alot but I felt like i did it
for him and maybe thats the same with your
ex gf. Eds are a very hard and complicated
thing to understand even for the ones with
it. I hope it gets better for you, all the
best.
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Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
I am very sorry
this happened to her and I think backing
off and giving her space for the moment
will help. I can unerstand how hard it
must be for you though. I hope you are ok
*hugs*
