Living With Depression For 12 Years

Im 17 names nick and ive lived with depression for long and I feel broke.
Im a big guy and never really been in style Ive been made fun of all my life had rocks throw at me and beaten with sticks punched repeadtly usely by almost half the school. I still do in high school and hurts worse I come home to find my only friend never call nor they care about my problems just wanting me to hear theres. I find that my parents dont want to talk to me to busy talking and dog just wants to bite me. I sit in my room in the dark and stare at the dark. I go to places by my self and get turned down by women and laughed at infront of people I know saying "Me go out with you i'd rather be a lesbian." I have no one to talk to and I feel like im fixing to slip on the edge. I cut my self till I get sleepy from blood loss on my chest and legs then make them stop bleeding with a lighter. I think about suicide allot to make me feel better and have atemped twice but get scared when I start feelin funny and path my self up with are medical kit. My life just keeps getting worse I dread waking up in the morning and wish for death when I sleep. Ive tried praying to god and things but now I dont want to know him if his people are jerks to me i'd rather stay away from him makes less to worry about. The only thing that keeps me from killing my self is when I cut my self close enough to I dont feel alive any more kind of feel like a machine and I dont like talking to strangers about or some pyschoglist.
I did that when I was little and they gave me thes meds that made me numb all day and when I was 9 I tried jumping infront of car to end it but only got me to the hospital.

I am confused and dont know what to do.