Hey I have an issue which I am too
embarrassed or confused to talk to anyone
about.
My boyfriend and I have been together for
almost 3 years.
The problem is that he drinks and acts
really different and says really cruel and
mean things to me and he is like a ticking
bomb and when he starts drinking I just
walk around on egg shells around him
because its like anything can set him off.
For example, right now he is passed out
drunk after FREAKING on me for cleaning
the bathroom because he does not like the
smell of the chemicals. He just said that
he hates my doing it guts and he wants me
out of here. And I know tomorrow morning
he will act like nothings wrong.
He is not an alcoholic (I dont think
anyways) because he only drinks like 3 or
4 times a month, but when he does, its
very anxiety provoking on my part.
I have tried to talk to him about this
(when he is sober that is, learned my
lesson trying to talk about it when he's
drunk) but he does not take it seriously
and tells me its like a stress releaser to
drink.
He is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. He is the most
considerate, kind, gentle man that I have
known, but this 3-4 time a month drinking
brings out a crazy side of him.
So what do you think I should do?
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
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Posted: 12-23-07 20:29pm
I'm sorry hun... but this boy is NOT the
love of your life unless he's willing to
give up drinking. He KNOWS he's a violent
drunk and he knows that leads directly to
domestic abuse. The fact that he just
blows you off when you bring up your
serious concerns shows even more how
shallow he is.
I do not think this relationship has a
bright future unless he's willing to get
help. I see him abusing you and I see you
letting him.
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 12-24-07 11:27am
I agree with Eiri. To piggyback on what
she said, there is going to be a day that
his words don't hurt you anymore and then
he's going to do something else to be
hurtful and it will probably be physical.
You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells
when he's drinking. You should tell him
to stop drinking or it's over. Then
follow through with your threat.
If my man said he wanted me gone, that is
where I'd be. No need to ask me twice.
The next time he goes on a tirade get him
on tape/video and have him watch it the
next day when he's good and hung over.
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purrfection
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 35 Location: Sydney, Australia
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-25-07 09:17am
You have to sort this out ASAP... It will
only get worse and what happens if you
have a kids with him. Do you want the
children to be subjected to this kind of
abuse? I know the feeling of being scared
around people who drink because my parents
always get drunk and get into fights etc
and I would always hide in my room and had
panic attacks. I now can't be around
anyone who drinks or I get anxiety...
Please sort it out hun
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1115 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 14
Thanked:5
Posted: 12-26-07 10:53am
yeah you need to try to work this out. I
would hate to hear that he is abusing you
physical, but just remember that this is
verbal and emotional abuse and it is not
ok.
occassional drinkin is ok and hey if you
get plastered then thats your deal, but
its not ok to get so drunk you turn into
someone else. It sounds like his true
colors come out while hes drinking and he
is really a very angry person. He needs
to deal with the issues that are driving
him to drink. Until he does this he wont
stop. I know that you love him, but think
of your safety first. Try to talk to him
again and see what happens.
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AMomOf3
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 37 Location: San Diego, CA USA
Posted: 01-09-08 03:45am
I used to live with a guy who would get
mean and violent when he drank, too. I
finally got enough nerve and gave him the
ultimatum..alcohol or me. To say the
least...he chose alcohol over me...I
became a much better person because I
began to respect myself. I didn't have
him around telling me I was no good, and
he didn't know why he was with me...blah
blah blah. If he won't give up drinking,
let him go.
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Re: Boyfriend Drinking Posted: 01-09-08 13:02pm
jessica12345
wrote:
I have tried to talk to him about this
(when he is sober that is, learned my
lesson trying to talk about it when he's
drunk)
What does that mean?? did he physically
abuse you when you tried to talk to him
drunk about it??? Or what Please explain
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PenguinsRus
Supporter
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1203 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 01-09-08 13:15pm
I'm not sure exactly what she means by
that statement, but I know that my father
is an alcoholic and when we would try to
talk to him when he was drunk, he would
get mad and not listen at all. Very few
times he was remorseful, but the times he
was it didn't even matter because in the
morning when he's sober he wouldn't
remember a single thing we talked about.
It's impossible to talk to a drunk while
drunk.
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 01-09-08 13:24pm
i know.. my dad is a drunk but he's not
like physical or anything. He almost
ruined our christmas like 2 years back
because i had a half sister that died at
birth well she got the imbilical cord
wrapped around her neck and died and it
was my step mom that was pregnant and my
dad was so drunk that he kept telling my
step mom that she killed the baby and i
just kept yelling and screaming for him to
shut up and please stop it but we saved
christmas lol i forgive him for that
because it was a hard blow for him as much
it was for me and i can understand that he
was drunk and didn't mean it. Yes it is
impossible cause when dad drinks he just
rambles on about work or whatever lol and
me and my step mom tell him to shut up and
he keeps talking lol it's quite funny
though lol
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PenguinsRus
Supporter
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1203 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 01-09-08 13:30pm
That's horrible that that happened; I'm
sorry to hear that. It's nearly
impossible to stop a drunk and what comes
out of their mouths. Sorry about the baby
too, btw. You are good at forgiving. I
got to a point where I gave up on
forgiving and I was past the point of
caring anymore. I'm kind of stuck in a
weird place where I know I'd be upset and
miss him and regret it if he ever died or
something, but I can't bring myself to
talk to him or forgive him cause I feel
like he's asked for forgiveness so many
times and still mess up and it all seems
so fake and I dont wanna be hurt again and
again.
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Little Miss Oops
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Just Know That It Sucksville, Usa
Posted: 01-09-08 13:40pm
yea i know what you mean i think that is
where i am at with my sis. it's ok about
the baby though she would have been a
little hellion and would have grown up to
beat me up and i wouldn't want that but i
was looking forward to havin a little sis
seeing as i'm the youngest!!!! lol ya i
forgive my dad alot
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Georgia59
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5539 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 87
Thanked:31
Posted: 01-09-08 15:20pm
Wait until he's sober and in a good mood.
Tell him that you don't like when he
drinks, and how scared it makes you. Tell
him he gets really mean.
Tell him he needs to stop drinking or you
won't stay with him. You need to stand up
for yourself.
If he doesn't agree to stop drinking for
you, he's not worth it, because he doesn't
really care.
