Can Never Think of a Good Title So... Posted: 12-27-07 03:13am
does anyone know if its possible to give
your self split personalities by accident
when your trying to cope with being
depressed all the time?
i mean ,like, i made myself get back my
social life and stop being a sad hermit
all the time, but when i go out with ppl i
have to forget about all the times when i
wished i was dead, cut myself, called
myself names, ect. i have to distant
myself from those thoughts so i can
function normally in public.
but now its like theres the one side of me
when im alone who wants to die, is full of
self hate, and knows the future is so
hopeless...
but the other side, my public side, who is
funny, loves to have fun, has a
more-or-less girlfriend, the kinda guy who
everyone invites to smoke a joint and all
the girls hug...
i used to seperate the two, but now they
conflict. like tonite i was out with a few
ppl, i had no money but my friends as
always gave me some of there liquor, and i
was having a good time... then the othe me
came out for no reason and i had to have
an inner battle with myself to not bring
out that sad and angry guy whos inside of
me... it was like the forces of good and
evil were having a katana duel inside my
head...
but yah, i have a chemical imbalance, and
lots of phukked up issues, so im worried
that my brain will eventually seperate the
two opposite personalities and ill become
the guy from that jim carrey movie...
of course right now im totally fine, im
just a guy who is really conflicted and
confused, but im just curious if this
could lead to something...
|
mohawked
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1 Location: ,
Posted: 12-27-07 21:17pm
I don't have any answers for you. Just
wanted to let you know you're not alone. I
live in my head but no one would ever
know, I'm extroverted by all accounts. The
reality in my head is too disillusioned,
too deep and dark, to share with anyone I
know, in large part because people
straight up refuse to acknowledge that
this side of me exists. My desperate cries
for help have been so long met by uneasy
avoidance that when I talk to people I
just tell them what they want to hear so I
don't have to deal with the disappointment
of their apathy.
I feel like the living dead and I'm only
twenty. The average lifespan of a woman
can be rounded to eighty, leaving me with
three MORE twenty year stints in my
lifetime and I just don't see how I could
do all this again, let alone two or three
more times.
I'm not worried about any kind of
separation of the two "personalities." I'm
pretty convinced that one side exists
solely to torture the other. That said, if
you have any alternative theories or
thoughts or suggestions, I'd appreciate
hearing them. If I knew anyone else who
might have insight into all this, I'd ask
them.
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