Problems With Contradiction Posted: 04-21-04 05:24am
I know this is cliche, and possibly could
be construed as such by a formal
introduction, but hi i'm josh and i'm
bipolar. Sounds like an aa kind of
proclamation right? Recently around the
december time-frame I was diagnosed as
manic-depressive ii and was overjoyed to
come to closure about my erratic mood
fluctations. The first time I experienced
vile misery was in december 2003, lasting
until may 2003. I had no conception
where my foul demeanor was emanating from
other than possible seperation anxiety and
lack of a stable social network (as I was
just embarking upon my freshman year at
unc-asheville). It was an extremely
difficult time in my life.... Possibly
the most devastating as I deliberated upon
whether this was actually depression or
hallucinogenic persisting perceptual
disorder (i have tripped an accumulated 22
times). There were so many possibilities
for what I was experiencing, yet I could
not find a legitimate explanation.
Around may I found myself on the verge of
maniacle exuberance spewing out thoughts
and ideals that I had no idea where
reverberating in my head... Mystical
visions ensued during periods (also
witnessed by others) and synchronicities
occurred on a regular basis. It was if my
mind was receiving an infinite influx of
cosmological data, yet I felt perfectly
sane and ready to share my experiences
with anyone who would listen. Then in the
midst of my manic-cycle I earned a dui.
This crashed me back down to earth and for
the next 4-5 months I fell into an
obliterating depressive state; no ability
to concentrate, no short-term/long-term
memory, social anxiety.... The list goes
on. In december, once I was diagnosed, I
had a resurgance in mania which was
possibly one of the most gratifying
experiences of my life... Only to plummet
into despair during the last three weeks.
I'm currently on wellbutrin and lamictal
(the lamictal evidently alleviated my
symptoms to start out with, yet have
seemed to subsided) and the wellbutrin has
only magnified my depression. I realize
that this will last for the remainder of
my life. I'm grateful that I am bipolar,
because it does allow me to vision
alternate states of consciousness, yet
simultaneously the depression is
progressively becoming more intense. I've
dissociated myself from friends up here,
my intellgiable thoughts are vanishing....
Does anyone else have problems with
interpersonal difficulties, especially in
intentionally wanting to lose all
relationships because of instability.
This sucks
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 04-21-04 05:47am
Since you are at college & since you
seem to be bright I will assume that you
are capable of doing some research &
asking yourself & others some hard
questions (& don't be satisfied until
you get answers that make sense).
Drs especially psychiatrists often take
the elast line of resistance ie - medicate
with the current in drug or the one they
get kick backs from &/or diagnose on
the basis of simplest or most likely or
even what you present thinking you have.
None of which is the right way to treat
anyone & all of which can & do
lead to totally incorrect diagnoses
&/or medications.
So go to some search engines like - google
or yahoo etc & start researching your
symptoms, find suggested
solutions/treatments, look into
alternative medicines (accupuncture,
herbal, natuopathy, homeopathy etc) &
see if maybe these might do you moer good.
Don't just accept what a dr says, search
this is your life we're talking about not
the drs!!
Sure the reply was helpful and consoling,
and believe it or not i'm probably as
informed on the biological basis of
bipolar disorder than anyone out there.
I've read "unquiet mind" and "touched by
fire" by kay jamison, additionally "beyond
prozac" and a barrage of other literary
deviations into bipolar/depressive
disorders. The symptoms, yes, i'm
extremely familiar with as well as other
nutritional supplements and alternative
therapies. I'm taking a b-complex at the
current moment accompanying the wellbutrin
and lamictal. Is ginseng or ginkgo
affective in counteracting depressive
downcycles? Hmm... Worth
contemplating.
However, the real issue at hand is
dissassociating myself from
self-destructive peers. I've managed to
be successful at this, atleast for a
month, and have not tripped, smoked pot,
done pills, or partaken in any form of
enebreation. Its just not compatible with
my personality anymore. If anything the
tripping has magnified my depression, as
when I feel distressed I experience an
immense amount of visual distortions
including trails and auras. So I feel
its positive that I have detached myself
from individuals who induce a
self-crippling consciousness. However, I
feel estranged from interpersonal
relationships, in general. A stoner
persona is all that i've ever known in
acquiring friends and I suppose that its
pretty difficult to start over. I've
started to take myself seriously rather
than falling into a negative identity,
reading innumerable jungian texts,
metaphysical texts, and psychological
books (as I want to be a counselor). This
usually fills the quiet space that my
friends use to fulfill. Is secluding
one's self from relationships pretty
common among you all, especially when
feeling unstable? And furthermore is this
a good decision in maintaining distance?
I have no conception whether this has been
helpful or has inflamed my depression.
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 04-21-04 14:00pm
First things first, I personally do not
suffer from either of the conditions you
mention my knowledge comes second hand
& from learning.
Second, you ask about natural things
(gingko & ginseng) & whether they
might help with depressive down cycles , I
would suggest you looking into 5htp
(refined tryptophan which when over
stressed etc our bodies don't produce
naturally)& sam-e.
third, I wasn't clear enough as to why I
wanted you to check search engines re your
symptoms & diagnoses; their are often
alternative sites which show how some
symptoms are misdiagnosed &/or
alternative treatments for correct
diagnoses & how they should/can be
treated. This information is generally
not available in books or libraries or in
fact from doctors. In other words I
suggest that you research information not
put out by pharamceutical companies etc to
ensure 1) that your diagnosis is accurate
& 2) that you are getting the right
& best treatments/medications.
fourth, removing yourself from people who
have a negative influence on you is good,
great in fact, but humans are social
animals & as such we need social
contact with other humans for our
emotional & psychological well-being.
Seclusion is something alot of people with
mental well-being issues do but it is not
healthy. So you need to find a new source
of friends;
some suggestions as to how??
- does your college have any clubs
&/or societies (like my daughters has
250+ of them from theatre to debating,
political to towel fling & beard
appreciation, greek to circus to sport)
that you could look into & see if any
of them are of interest to you?
- are there any local area groups that you
might find interesting - historical
societies, writers groups, craft, etc.
- join a gym & start an exercise
routine; apart from possibly meeting
people you may find the exercise helpful
in terms of health.
- there are innumerable on-line chat sites
for everything &. Anything including
this one & also fan clubs & fan
fiction writers re various shows eg. Csi.
Getting social on-line may be a "safer"
way to start till you feel more confident
about your ability to choose
non-destructive friends, of course this
might also apply to people in certain of
the above mentioned groups.
Up And Down And Around And Around Posted: 07-13-05 07:22am
Jason,
your history sounds familiar. For me
the malady seems to tip me off balance.
Its like my actions are not reviewed fully
by my brain before they are executed so
the result is skewed. However, with meds
and allowing the inherent inner nature of
my self wanting to exhibit healthy
behavior lessons can be learned as to how
to effectively deal with it. At least I
have found this to be so for me so far.
above are points for you to act on/look
into.