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Frank QA

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True Or False? (ugh!)
Posted: 12-29-07 10:09am

Here we go again...

Hello, I'm 21yrs old and I've been diagnosed a little over a month ago. This was my 2nd mental eval. and they've come to the same conclusion as previously determined. In total, I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia a total of 3times. I don't believe it. This is a huge disappointment, not in myself, but in the mental health industry. There's no way I have schizophrenia and if I do, then the so-called mental illness front... is what it is! It's a facade for pill pushers and Big Pharma's the most powerful druglord of all time. One of the greatest deceptions of all! It's not true. It's not...

I've read everything that I could get my hands on and let me tell you... Schizophrenia lacks information. It's a completely vague illness. No one knows what it is and all they do is fill texts up with symptoms and personal experiences...and theories. The best explanation came from the psychiatrist, who said: "it's a name that represents a variety of different symptoms, with different combinations of those symptoms and to varying degrees in severity"... That's about all he said. Great! The knowledge just poured out of him. Really!

I've tried the pills (Risperdal - low dose)! Hahaha, what a joke.

I'm life is cr@p - there's a whole slew of different reasons for this - and so when I took those pills, I don't believe that I've ever felt the most urgent need to kill myself more then I did, after a few days of use... The sadness alone was unbearable and it gave me intense realizations of how pathetic my life's become.

There are other causes and explainable symptoms and BLAH!!!BLAH!!! I'm so sick of this ****!

A few months ago, I registered under a diff. username and dedicated a few pages work of experiences, family history, my theories, and so on. It was a complete waste of time and the replies were unhelpful. I vowed that I'd never stoop to posting my feeling on a forum ever again (no offense, it's just I should getting an educations and being social. Things have totally changed! I've got almost no friends and I hardly ever leave the house. I only go for walks at night...). Well, I'm back and this time I'm certified. Goddammit...

I probably shouldn't say this, but a few months back, when I was drinking. I'd get thoughts / or fantasies of killing...homicide. I was totally disgusted with myself. That's not me and if you ever met me, you'd probably think, that I was the boy-next-door type: handsome, tall, nice teeth... And I am. That is, I'm a nice guy by nature. It's just I've changed, sometimes it seems that I changed drastically. It's just not fair. because of these occasional thoughts (not so much anymore) I'm beginning to despise myself. When I was drinking heavily and on my lonesome, I almost killed a cat. I was drunk and it came up to me. It was so friendly and I, I just got the sudden urge to kill it. So, I pick it up and took it to a dark location nearby. I sat down and... (medical question, why am I writing this. I'm shaking like crazy) ...and took its head and started twisting. I must have applied as much pressure as possible... Nothing, THANK GOD. I guess the cat was in shock, because it wasn't moving. However, when I laied it down beside me. It quickly regained consciousness and sorta hopped in an odd way. Away it went. At this time, I became increasingly said and I started looking for the cat to make sure that it was OK. I wanted to pet it. I think I was very close to killing myself that day. It's just, I can't. I can never go all the way. I have hope and it's weird cause I feel like my mind is making me contemplate these pure evil things, because I guess I want to lose that hope and kill myself, but I'm scared. So, I suppose that, that maybe why.

Just remember, I was drunk. It's no excuse, though. I think this is why I become so paranoid at times. I'm such a good guy (or I used to be) and yet, I feel like I'm capable of horrible things. There's no ways I'd ever tell my doctor about these, because I'll sure that they'd lock me up. Fry my brain... That's what I would do if I heard s**t like this.

It's COMPLETE MADNESS!

A few years ago, I returned an old ladies change bag. She was coming towards my direction on the side walk, when suddenly something slipped out of her purse or pocket. Anyways, she ended up having about a hundred dollars in there. I was in need of cash, but I did the right thing: I turned around, ran after her and gave her back the change bag. Heh, she didn't even thank me! So, I'm not so bad. I've always been a niceguy, even though my mentally ill father used to abuse me - physically and emotionally. Oh and mentally, because he would make me listen to his delusions. Where was my mom? with my sister, at home. While I was forced to go to my dad's work after school. I guess me and my sis were too much of a handful for mother dearest. The most annoying thing, is that they deny the abuse and the ...UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..

When I first made this acc. today. I was under the impression that I'd write a few lines and post a website...WOW!

Anyways, I'm really messed up now, so...

Here's the URL: http://www.mbowden.su rf3.net/schizoweb.htm

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for wasting your time and ...place on earth...heh...
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Frank QA

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Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 12

Posted: 12-29-07 10:26am

I'm not going to bother making corrections - grammatical and spelling. What's weird is, after the intro part, my subconscious sorts took over. Similar to this instance. I wasn't sitting at my computer, instead, I'm sorta lost in my head...With constant interruptions and raciness of parts of thought. WWWooosh...wizzzing by. what?

???????

I'm here writting, yet, I'm in a totally different world and observing my hands. My hands are alive!!!! I'm writing yet I'm not aware. Well, no...I am sorta ware, but I just don't understand what I'm writting...Yet I am. This is jnfrsdgbqwyef.
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Frank QA

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Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 12

Posted: 12-29-07 10:27am

I think that admin should delete my account and thread! It's too much. Thinking about...In this confusion is messed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Philo

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Posted: 12-29-07 16:51pm

If you're getting urges to kill people or cats, your medication should be adjusted. Please tell your doctor.
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poisonangel168

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Joined: 19 Dec 2007
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Location: High Ridge, MO, USA

Posted: 12-29-07 17:12pm

If you don't have Schizophrenia, you probably have some other psychiatric condition(s) that you desperately need treatment for. I know that you drink, but it doesn't seem like you have a problem with it. Do you use drugs at all? If not, you should seek a qualified medical professional who can help you; most likely a psychiatrist, psychologist, or psychotherapist though you would likely benefit most from a combination of psychiatry and psychotherapy. I actually suffer from severe psychiatric symptoms myself, and its a direct result of childhood abuse in my case. If you are worried about being put into a psychiatric hospital (like I was), then you can choose to be selective about what you disclose or talk about things that are still happening in past-tense. I'm sure that lying like that is not really a good idea, but its what I've been doing for years. In general, the things that can cause you trouble are: homicidal thoughts or gestures, suicidal thoughts or gestures, and excessive use of alcohol and/or drug abuse/addiction. As long as you don't say any of these things, you don't have to be worried about being locked up or forced into rehab.
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woops

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Joined: 31 Jul 2007
Posts: 222

Posted: 12-29-07 19:50pm

Yeah, nobody knows what schizophrenia is right.?
Not a one of us knows what it is, hmmmmm.
Nobody knows.

Take it to the bank homies, somebody knows.

However, a "schizophrenic" is better off not knowing what is wrong with him or her.
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Frank QA

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Joined: 29 Dec 2007
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Posted: 12-30-07 17:43pm

Philo,
Quote:
If you're getting urges to kill people or cats, your medication should be adjusted. Please tell your doctor.


Well, I'm getting urges to kill something that is alive. The most appealing thought at times (past tense) would be to kill a person that has wronged me in some way. None family... I've got my morals. The important thing to understand is that I wouldn't do it. Although, it does scary me. There was another incident, which also involved myself, being under the influence of alc. Something happened. I did something horribly unimaginable and it lead to me holding a knife. I was dead certain that I was going to take someones life. In fact, I was looking forward to it, savoring the feelings of the moment. I was going to Kill a person who I had only seen once, on this particular occasion. So, I was there with the knife and I was trying to think of how to do it... with less noise, no one seeing me and so on... it turned out favorably; I didn't go through with it. Now, here's the thing - I can't be sure whether it was because I just can't kill someone in cold blood, or because the circumstances weren't in my favor at the time. Meaning, there was a high likelihood that I'd get caught.

It feels so good to finally get all this out. Thank you.

Anyways, Philo, I guess I didn't get through to you - I'm not on any medication, nor am I ever going to take any... Never again.

poisonangel168,

Thanks for the post, I'm well aware of all that...

woops,

You've been diagnosed, haven't you.

I'm sorry, I don't know which interpretation of your post to use, so I'll guess throughout all the **** and we're left with a sarcastic (?) remark:

Quote:
Yeah, nobody knows what schizophrenia is right.?


What is it? (If you really know, then you are the only one, so don't use some dictionary definition, because there's no knowledge in it, Okay?)
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Philo

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Posted: 12-30-07 17:45pm

woops wrote:
However, a "schizophrenic" is better off not knowing what is wrong with him or her.


You think that the truth is that horrible, or what?
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HeatherEM

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Joined: 30 Dec 2007
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Posted: 12-30-07 22:00pm

How do you expect people to respond to this?
Do you realize that serial killers start with animals? Especially when you hurt animals by yourself and not because your friends DARED you to do it.

And you think no one knows what schizophrenia is? Read the symptoms, THATS WHAT IT IS!! It is a brain condition in which your chemicals are not communicating with each other correctly. Why? We don't know? Why is the sky blue and the grass green? It just is, because when you google grass, it says GREEN.

If no one ever complained of all the symptoms, we wouldn't know about any of these mental conditions. But like I said in my last post, schizophrenia is inside your brain. We can't see it on the outside. It is very hard to put the pieces of the puzzle together. It's not as clear as a broken bone or a missing finger.

When I began my last medication, the first week after the dose got increased, I became suicidal again. Everytime my dose gets increased, I get suicidal. READ THE LABEL. It says you may feel better before you feel worse. Do not stop taking this medication. Seek safety and call 911 if you are feeling suicidal.
Hell, I had to move in with my dad for a few weeks when my dose got increased because I was too scared to be left alone for fear of what I would do.

But you do what you have to do. And if you post here about how bad it is and then diss society and researchers for not knowing what the disorder is and how you refuse to ever take meds again, why are you here? We want to encourage people to get help who WANT to be helped. Only you can help yourself sometimes. If you aren't willing to get help, then why are you here?

You may not be schizophrenic. Do you hear voices? Have dellusions? Hallucinations? Do you make repetitive movements? (Turn light switch off and on repeatedly, change the channel on the tv from 1 to 2 and back and forth non stop?) Do you wander around not knowing where you are or what's going on? Do you wear shorts when it's -30 outside? Do you wear a winter hat and mitts in the summer?

If your symptoms are that of committing homicides, suicides, and animal cruelty, you probably have severe anger problems that need to be addressed. You can't go around with fascinations about killing people you don't know and injuring animals...

I would think you are anrgy, you seem to be. And to be quite frank, you are making me angry for wasting my time writing this when I'm sure you don't give a damn anyway. see, people do care and want to help, but do us all a favour... If you don't want help, don't ask for it...
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Frank QA

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Joined: 29 Dec 2007
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Posted: 12-31-07 04:03am

HeatherEM,

Hey, thanks for responding. I'll try to answer your post as thoroughly as possible by breaking it up into small sections...

Quote:
How do you expect people to respond to this?


Tough question! In a way, I don't have the slightest idea of how people will respond or even if they'll respond, therefore I have no expectations. Now, if I don't expect responses, then what's the point of posting on a forum? I could just as easily keep a personal diary and that would essentially be the same thing. I definitely wouldn't expect anything from my journal, but also the possibility that I'd get a response wouldn't exist, nor would the possibility that someone would read my journal. So, with that said, I guess we could agree that I expect there to be a possibility that someone will read my post and let me know what they think of it. Whether they do or not is beyond me and doesn't make a bit of difference to me. You see, it doesn't matter if someone reads my post or if they responds to my post. What matters, is that there's a possibility that they will do those things and it's only the possibility that I expect. Moreover, it's not either/or... it's the chance that it can be either/or, that I expect and that's precisely why I post. Anything further is just plain guessing and a pointless waste of a thought. Seriously, wouldn't one have better things to think about, then whatever someone on the other side of the world is "allegedly" thinking?

Nonsense.

Quote:
Do you realize that serial killers start with animals?


Yes, some serial killers have and others did not. So?

Quote:
And you think no one knows what schizophrenia is? Read the symptoms, THATS WHAT IT IS!!


I'm sure that nobody knows what schizophrenia is and it just so happened that my FD (that's Family Doctor) admitted it to be so. For instance: you break a leg while skateboarding and you're taken to the hospital. Once there, you undergo a series of procedures to determine the exact problem and the severity of it, once that's accomplished and the extent of the injury it fully examined and understood, they (the doctors and nurses) work together to fix your leg. They understand how it works, why it works, what happened, and how to fix it. Because of all this knowledge put together, a broken leg is understood for what it is and it is fix. Before you even know it, you're back on that skateboard and trying to imitate Tony Hawk.

Quote:
It is a brain condition in which your chemicals are not communicating with each other correctly.


Yeah, I've also heard of that theory and I've also heard "professional researchers" who have enough evidence to refute it.

Quote:
Why? We don't know? Why is the sky blue and the grass green? It just is, because when you google grass, it says GREEN.


Wow, slow down. What you wrote here, is strong evidence of your complete ignorance to what a mental illness, such as schizophrenia is -- You can't begin to pretend to explain your point by comparing something which is understood, with some that is not.

Quote:
If no one ever complained of all the symptoms, we wouldn't know about any of these mental conditions. But like I said in my last post, schizophrenia is inside your brain. We can't see it on the outside. It is very hard to put the pieces of the puzzle together. It's not as clear as a broken bone or a missing finger.


A little better.

One thing that I'm inclined to correct is: If no one ever demonstrated any off the symptoms, then we wouldn't be able to "observe" these symptoms.

Quote:
When I began my last medication, the first week after the dose got increased, I became suicidal again. Everytime my dose gets increased, I get suicidal. READ THE LABEL. It says you may feel better before you feel worse. Do not stop taking this medication. Seek safety and call 911 if you are feeling suicidal.
Hell, I had to move in with my dad for a few weeks when my dose got increased because I was too scared to be left alone for fear of what I would do.


I'm sorry... I can relate and it sucks, that's why I don't take my pills. Do some more search and you'll find that you'll have a hard time answering this question: Have you found evidence that the pills work to correct the supposed chemical imbalance? How so...? (be caution: I'm also capable of guessing and whatever comes to mind is guessing and doesn't hold much water...)

One reason why I wanted to kill myself, was because I became extremely depressed, by being under the impression that the doctor was right when he told me: "normal people aren't affected by anti-psychotic medication." and he went on to say: "the medication removes the psychotic thinking processes and places the person in a normal state-of-mind". So, I thought that I was finally realizing that I was mildly retarded or had some other form of brain deficiency; ex. I was drowsy, lacked motivation, couldn't concentrate, nor could I focus, etcetcetc... Come to think of it, it's almost as if the meds themselves somewhat cause a schizophrenic's erratic behavior.

Oh and I once read about a study which showed that the mentally ill who took their medication regularly, were oddly more likely to suffer a relapse then those who took a placebo. I don't think that this is nonsense, because I (what about yourself?) have an intimate experience with these types of drugs.

Quote:
But you do what you have to do. And if you post here about how bad it is and then diss society and researchers for not knowing what the disorder is and how you refuse to ever take meds again, why are you here? We want to encourage people to get help who WANT to be helped. Only you can help yourself sometimes. If you aren't willing to get help, then why are you here?


I'm here, because I believe that there's a chance that I will somehow further my knowledge of this "disease" and come to some sort of reasonable understanding of it. Notice, how I'm not refuting the possibility that there isn't "something". However, that something is not yet
understood. Fair enough?

Quote:
You may not be schizophrenic. Do you hear voices? Have delusions? Hallucinations? Do you make repetitive movements?


I was told that I am schizophrenia, because I have all the symptoms that you've listed above. However, it's all about perspective. I'm the same sense, so are my posts on "homicide" and trying to kill an animal -- for example: I recently had a dream, in which a possessed cat was after me. When it turned on me, it leapt and I was quick enough to grab it by its head and prevent it from bitting me. This made its body disconnect from its head. Its body fell off and its head was still alive... trying to eat me! I immediately woke up, in my bedroom, drenched in cold sweat. Only I know, if there's a correlation between the two. You know nothing, except for what I present. You see, it's all about perspective and it's not too far removed from what goes on during the interactions between a patient and the mental health practitioner. Furthermore, what goes on during a mental evaluation is completely relative to each individuals purpose and understanding of the situation. Which brings me to this question: wouldn't a psychiatrist have a completely different understanding if they became mentally ill themselves? How would their understanding of mental illness change? Would it be beneficial? (~the lack of insight and at the same time there'd be an increase of another sort of insight...).

[Wow, it's been an hour!]

...There's much, much, much more and much more then that! I'm not going to continue, because I get the feeling that you're going to miss the most important points and nitpick the little less important stuff...ugh.

Quote:
(Turn light switch off and on repeatedly, change the channel on the tv from 1 to 2 and back and forth non stop?) Do you wander around not knowing where you are or what's going on? Do you wear shorts when it's -30 outside? Do you wear a winter hat and mitts in the summer?


Some of those maybe normal. Others maybe exaggerated and others complete make-believe... It depends.

Quote:
If your symptoms are that of committing homicides, suicides, and animal cruelty, you probably have severe anger problems that need to be addressed. You can't go around with fascinations about killing people you don't know and injuring animals...


Actually, no - I don't think that there exists a soul who knows me, who would put me in the same category with axe-murderers, or Jason types.
But, then again... you never know. *heh*

Quote:
I would think you are anrgy, you seem to be.


LOL, I "seem" to be angry. Just think of the massive amounts of people, who would be diagnosed over the internet through special E-MEs! (~Electronic-Mental-Evaluations!). It would be a new epidemic!

Quote:
And to be quite frank, you are making me angry for wasting my time writing this when I'm sure you don't give a damn anyway. see, people do care and want to help, but do us all a favor... If you don't want help, don't ask for it...


[Heh, was the pun intended?Very
Happy]

If you're serious then you definitely have a much larger anger problem, hence, more susceptible to violence, then I am.

Btw, I'm not asking for help, because, frankly (I love this pseudonym) it's impossible for me to get it in real life, so how could I possibly expect a different outcome indirectly (so to speak).
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Frank QA

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Joined: 29 Dec 2007
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Posted: 01-01-08 06:39am

Maybe the above is the reason why I'm not getting responses...?

It was an experiment.
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Georgia59

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Posted: 01-01-08 12:59pm

Let's keep this friendly, guys.

Smile
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HeatherEM

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Location: Mississauga, ON Canada

Posted: 01-02-08 09:02am

Fair enough...

I'm not going to argue, and I wasn't diagnosing you. I said thats how you "seemed" to me. That's how I took your post.

I suppose it is a matter of perception...
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Frangible

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Posted: 01-02-08 16:11pm

If you dislike the term schizophrenia, focus on what you know to be true for yourself.

You know you're unhappy and feel frustrated.
You know you've had dark thoughts, recognized them as such, and sound like you want to master your own mind better. These impulses are more likely to hurt you than benefit you.
You know you had a difficult childhood and have a lot of stuff going on in your life that could be causing or worsening many of these things.
You know you want to gain freedom from these things, but so far have been unable to. You did go to a doctor and tried at least one medication.

The medication made things worse for you. That is unfortunate. But the possibility exists that some other medication may make things better for you.

In the end, consider the fact that you want things to be better for yourself, the same as anyone does. Not everything you try will help you with that, but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.

In addition to a variety of medications, one of which may help you, there are behavioral interventions and therapy that reduce the symptoms of what you experience that you dislike and be of benefit to you.

As to what schizophrenia really is, it appears to be a desynchronization of intensity of activity and communication between regions of the brain, principally involving glutamate systems according to the latest research. There are many ways this can go wrong, and thus, many different symptom clusters in the DSM-IV-TR. The old ideas of "split mind" weren't exactly right, but nor were they completely wrong.

Ideally, medication should resolve both positive (hallucinations, delusions, intrusive thoughts) symptoms and negative ones (flattened affect, amotivation, etc), with behavioral therapies also reducing these things further, giving you increased control over and access to your brain's natural capabilities and the freedom to use them as you desire. Treatment is not about forcing you to conform to something you don't want, it is about giving you the freedom to make choices for yourself without having those choices restricted or eliminated by the severe symptoms.
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Pappy65

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Joined: 02 Jan 2008
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Lithium
Posted: 01-02-08 16:26pm

Do any of you know of anybody taking lithium has ever been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gherig's Disease)?

People with ALS are getting excited about lithium as a treatment for ALS, and I thought the schizophrenic forum might be the place to find out if it works as a preventive (of course it could also be the schizophrenia that prevents ALS, but that would be a bad trade).
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Georgia59

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Posted: 01-02-08 18:03pm

You mean taking lithium as a preventative for ALS? Only for people with schizophrenia or for anyone at risk?
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Frank QA

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Posted: 01-03-08 22:35pm

Frangible,
Quote:
If you dislike the term schizophrenia, focus on what you know to be true for yourself.


It has nothing to do with the name - it's what's inside that counts...

Quote:
1. You know you're unhappy and feel frustrated.
2. You know you've had dark thoughts, recognized them as such, and sound like... These impulses are more likely to hurt you than benefit you.
3. you want to master your own mind better.
4. You know you had a difficult childhood and have a lot of stuff going on in your life that could be causing or worsening many of these things.
5. You know you want to gain freedom from these things, but so far have been unable to. You did go to a doctor and tried at least one medication.


A...

1. Who doesn't.
2. One applies. Plus, the problem would be if I didn't recognize them as such.
3. Who doesn't want to master their own mind.
4. I'm sure there are people who've had it worse.
5. It comes and goes. Meaning: there are days when I'll call up an old friend and we'll go to a bar, play some pool and enjoy ourselves.

It feels that the belief in this disease, is a large part of the problem. The placebo effect is a real phenomenon.

Quote:
The medication made things worse for you. That is unfortunate. But the possibility exists that some other medication may make things better for you.


yeah... some Ritalin (speed) may help and maybe some strong painkillers, to go with it. It would make me feel great...short term of course.

Anti-psychotic meds work in a very funny way.

Quote:
In addition to a variety of medications, one of which may help you, there are behavioral interventions and therapy that reduce the symptoms of what you experience that you dislike and be of benefit to you.


"Mental" illness, eh?

Quote:
As to what schizophrenia really is, it appears to be a desynchronization of intensity of activity and communication between regions of the brain, principally involving glutamate systems according to the latest research.

Sounds like you're also describing "panic".

Quote:
Ideally, medication should resolve both positive (hallucinations, delusions, intrusive thoughts) symptoms and negative ones (flattened affect, amotivation, etc), with behavioral therapies also reducing these things further, giving you increased control over and access to your brain's natural capabilities and the freedom to use them as you desire. Treatment is not about forcing you to conform to something you don't want, it is about giving you the freedom to make choices for yourself without having those choices restricted or eliminated by the severe symptoms.


Well said.

Maybe mental illness is the evolution of the mind? I find that "some" people with mental illness are much smarter then those who are normal.

You have gotta understand: mental illness that not equal a dysfunction of the brain.

Pappy65 - couldn't you make your own thread? ...Isn't Lithium used to treat mood disorders...?

Please people, I don't mean to sound rude and seemingly ungrateful, it's just, I'd rather you all "read" all my posts, before further posting replies. Thank you.

Nonetheless, your replies are still interesting.

Thank you.Very
Happy
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Pappy65

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Joined: 02 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
Lithium
Posted: 01-04-08 15:34pm

For anybody with ALS. If lithium prevents ALS it might also cure it. I never heard of anybody taking lithium getting ALS. So I'm wondering if any of you have.
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Pappy65

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Joined: 02 Jan 2008
Posts: 6
Lithium
Posted: 01-04-08 15:36pm

For anybody with ALS. If lithium prevents ALS it might also cure it. I never heard of anybody taking lithium getting ALS. So I'm wondering if any of you have.
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