I'm only 18 years old but i feel so lost
and worthless all of the time. The thing
is that while i'm at school i'm
goofy,happy,and a big social butterfly but
once school is finished for the day my
spirits just drop and i wish that i was no
longer living and then when i think about
committing suicide i realize that nobody
would give a damn if i was truly dead and
it just hurts so much and my chest
literally starts hurting and i'm supposed
to be planning for college because i
graduate this year and i just can't handle
everything and i constantly feel like a
failure and like i won't even have a
chance at surviving in the real world and
sometimes i just feel so numb and so fake
because of the mask i wear at all times
because i don't want people to think i'm
weak or pity me or avoid me. I just don't
know how to get rid of all of the
pain..and i realize that i'm truly messed
up in the head and whenever I try to talk
to my mom about it she just blows me off
and tells me to leave her alone..I'm just
so scared and i try to constantly tell
myself that it'll all be ok and that one
day i'm going to be happy and someone will
love me and i'll have a nice big family
and everything...I just don't know how
much longer i can wait
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 12-30-07 00:30am
ok well we have the foundation of the
problem figured out
your fine when your at school and around
people but when you go home is when you
start to feel down right? has something
traumatic happened while you were at home
to make you feel this way? do you live
alone or with family?
sounds like your mom isnt much of a help.
you are calling out for it but shes not
there to help you maybe you should
talk to a school counselor?
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impulser23
Supporter
Joined: 14 Nov 2007 Posts: 122 Location: ,
Posted: 12-30-07 00:39am
Well my cousin is goin through the same
thing you are. She hangs around a group of
fake girls and she becomes one of them.
She doesnt even know who she is anymore.
She is looking for true love too. What i
told her is what im gonna tell you. YOu
cant find true love or happiness unless
you realize who you are and what u want in
life. You need to wake up in the morning
and be able to realize that everyday is
going to be a great day because everyday
is precious. I rather live life happy then
sad and depressed, how bout you? Sometimes
u just need to change up ur surroundings.
Im surrounded by people i care about and
cares for me too and i mean we care for
each other. Also u need to realize the
important postive aspects of it. Ex: Your
goin to college, alot of people will die
to have a second chance to go to college
and get an education. If you have a
family, that is something u should be
happy about too. Also if you still feel
depressed its good to tell someone about
ur problems. Most of the time is u bundle
all the sadness inside and it just slowly
builds up. Telling someone will allow u to
let it all out.
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violetraindrops
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Dec 2007 Posts: 2
Posted: 12-30-07 01:50am
the_girlfriend Its never really been
peaceful at home just filled with drama
and constantly listening to my mother put
me down and threaten to kick me out of the
house and the thing is i'm not a bad kid
or anything i can be lazy and its mostly
because i've stopped caring but thats just
about it....and i don't think i'd ever
feel comfortable talking to the school
counselor but when its possible i will try
to seek professional help
impulser23 I really do try to surround
myself with positive people and in the
past i did exactly what your cousin is
doing i hung around with a lot of fake
people and i started acting exactly like
them and the thing about college is i'm
not so sure if i'm actually going to be
going to anyone's college i just hope i
get accepted by one of the ones i applied
to and if not off to the navy i go and
your absolutely right i do bundle
everything up inside its just i haven't
been able to find someone to confide in or
anyone to trust with my emotions..and i'm
afraid if i do i'm just going to be
overwhelmed with getting everything out of
my system and i'll have an emotional
breakdown
maybe you should
talk to a school counselor?