I've been married to my husband for almost
three years now and we've always had
problems since we dated but we always
worked through them and they made us
stronger, so we thought. Well I can't
stand bringing him out in public because
he has now care for other people so if we
get into an argument he will raise his
voice, and I try to calm him down and not
create a scene, that makes him more angry
that I actually care what other people
think, and he goes on to make fun of my
even more in front of everyone, it really
humiliates me and Ive told him this he
thinks its MY problem that I need to work
on , not his.
Now he is a really smart man hes in
engineering and is always using his brain,
and this is why we have problems. When we
argue or fight he will ALWAYS win because
he has a silver tongue and knows what to
say to get his way. Everything to him has
to be logical reasons to do something. For
example, i have been arguing him to not
smoke pot since day one, he says as soon
as i come up with a real logical reason
for not smoking he will stop!! I have
told him it's not good for his health,
dangerous for his job, dangerous is caught
with it and these he says are not logical
enough. We have a pretty good rule about
it where he will ask me before he does,
but last night after i went to bed he was
downstairs smoking, he didnt even ask me!
We get in several heated arguments, they
are ALWAYS about me and how I act health
forum, which is true, i do act health
forum but not so much that is causes all
the fighting. He usually pins me to the
bed by sitting on me and holds my arms
down and screams in my face usually
slapping me around if i do not respond
respectfully to him when he speaks. when
he does this I have no love in my heart
for him, i hate him with every bone in my
body. The only way to end those kind of
fights are for me to agree with whatever
comes out of his mouth (and not fake it),
usuallyI fake it but don't let him know.
We have fought like this many times about
pot too.
He got on my ass about not being as
sexually driven as he is, and complained
that i have no sex drive at all. I told
him that it's becaus of his behavior and
he blew up saying that I need to suck it
up and stop being a little girl and deal
with it like he has to deal with my all
the time health forum.
On top of this, if he is not in an angry
rage he is the complete opposite,
completely annoying, constantly tapping on
things, being loud and obnoxious, overly
happy and wanting to kiss me and hold me
all the time, I can't stand having the
extremes of both, i want somewhere in the
middle.
I read a book about abusive men and it
said something about they always make you
feel like its your fault, thats how it is
everyday for me.
I won't divorce him or cheat on him. He
refuses counseling, and he would flip if
he knew i was on here now seeking advice,
so what can i do?
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mominashoe
Supporter
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1698 Location: , KS USA
Thanks: 33
Thanked:16
Posted: 12-30-07 10:55am
I am sorry that you have a relationship
like this. It is not healthy for you
emotionally or physically to be involved
with him. Even tho I believe that
marriage is forever, this is a case where
I would believe in permanent separation if
you have used all the method possible to
resolve the situation.
I think that if he is hitting you and
leaving a mark, it would be very easy to
call the police and have him imprisoned
for battery. Maybe this would make him
realize how bad his case is.
Cheating is definitely not the answer, and
you are right not to do that, but it is
your right to seek advice when you are in
trouble and you are definitely in
trouble.
I know what it is like to not be able to
win arguments for lack of the golden
tongue. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what
kind of tongue you have, you are still
going to lose because the other person is
determined to win in a crazy and
unbalanced way. But that's not really the
point. The point is that even if you
differ in opinions, you both have rights
as partners...it goes 50/50 and he doesn't
OWN you.
It seems that all you are to him is an
emotional outlet and plaything for him,
and not his wife and life companion. IF
you are not willing to go to the police,
he won't go to a counselor, you can't get
yourself AND him to a marriage counselor,
and divorce is out of the question, you
are highly advised to at least separate
temporarily.
Do you have a relative that you could
visit for an expended stay? Perhaps your
parents or even a friend? Do not tell him
that you are leaving or where you are
going. Leave while he is at work, and
don't return until he can reasonably
assure you that he is going to do his best
to treat you as a human being and accept
counsel. He is VERY emotionally
unbalanced and it might be that only an
experienced psychiatrist can help
him..........it is definitely not normal
for men to have such mood swings!
Consider that you could become pregnant
and any child resulting from your marriage
will probably end up abused and mistreated
just as you are and this will make it even
more difficult for you to survive living
with him.
Don't get soft on him while you are away.
Ask the advice of your family and friends
before you go back. You could even then
see a councelor and he could advise you on
how to handle things.
You need to get out of that house with his
physical and mental abuse, not to mention
the dangers of being exposed to pot.
Stand up for yourself and do the right
thing, even if it is hard. Be brave. You
owe it to yourself to have a healthy and
productive life and this situation very
counter-productive.......
Good luck and keep me posted.
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yogahoneybunny
Supporter
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 880 Location: Strumica, Macedonia
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-01-08 16:40pm
No one has the right to physically hurt
you. Or corner you. I think it is
important that you speak with a third
party like a psychologist or a trusted
counselor/elder. If he does not agree to
come with you, go alone. It is your life,
too, and you deserve to follow your
instincts and learn more about yourself
and what you are and are not reponsble
for.
|
whitetiger22
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Dec 2007 Posts: 59
Posted: 01-21-08 18:23pm
I hope you know he can go to jail for
smokin his pot. I know that my ex ended up
going to jail for it. And the stupid
person that i was i backed him up saying
that he never did that. Put know that i
had left him i know now that he had done
it, cause his friends told me that he did
do it.
