sillyakchick
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If Not Abortion, Then...what?
Posted: 12-31-07 15:40pm
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We all (well almost all) would agree that
there are some times when abortion is a
good decision to make. We just seem to
disagree which situations this pertains
to. I am going to draw a scenario, and
then you get to dream up a realistic "plan
B" to abortion. OK? Here goes:
A fourteen year old girl lives in a devout
religious family where there is never any
discussion of sex. they do not do TV and
movies and recreate and socialize mostly
with only members of the same church
community which adheres to the same types
of strict rules. The children go to
school at the church where they learn only
church-sanctioned information. Discussion
of sex is reserved only for pre-marriage
counseling, and never before. Somehow, a
boy in this group, let's call him Adam, is
told by a distant cousin he saw over the
holidays about putting his penis into a
girl's vagina and how good it feels for a
man to do this. Disgusted and intrigued,
he goes to his bedroom to simulate this
activity with his hand. Having discovered
that there is true pleasure in this, he
decides to convince a 14 year old girl
(let's call here Eve) that this is fun for
her, too. They agree to try it one
afternoon and Eve finds it frightening and
painful but doesn't mention it to anyone.
She feels shameful and despondent but does
not know why, and a few months later Eve
begins to notice that she doesn't feel
very well, and that she is gaining a bit
of weight. Eve's mother takes her to
their local physician who confirms that
Eve is indeed 3 months along into a
pregnancy. Eve is frightened by this,
having not even realized what she had done
and wants it to all be over. Eve wants
nothing to do with this baby, Adam, or her
father and mother. She just wants it all
to go away. She discovers from a girl on
the bus that there is a proceduer
available called a medical abortion and
can be done without her parents knowing
about it. She writes to her grandmother
in Claifornia, tells her of her plight,
and Grandma sends her the money and she
gets an abortion. Eve is relieved when
she tells her parents that she had a
really bad period and feels unwell and
does not tell them that she had a medical
abortion induced. Eventually this
incident fades from their memories and the
community forgets the whole thing. Except
Eve. When she graduates from High School
she tells her parents about the whole
incident and they disown her.
So what instead of abortion should she
have done in this circumstance, knowing
that the parents would have disowned her
and the young boy at the age of 14 had
they known.
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Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 4044 Location: Bliss,
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Posted: 12-31-07 15:50pm
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I always think that if your parents are
going to disown you when you need them the
most then you are better off without them
in your lives anyways.
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2691
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Posted: 12-31-07 15:53pm
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True, but what choices does a 14 year old
have in life without a family. Not too
many I would imagine.
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Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 747
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Posted: 12-31-07 16:54pm
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She could have done what many knocked-up
teen girls have done with unwanted
pregnancies - hide the pregnancy and
dispose of the baby in a dumpster. Since
abortion, to the Catholics is the epitome
of evil, leaving a baby to die must be
more humane than killing it in the uterus.
(/sarcasm)
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msrosie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2005 Posts: 362 Location: Ontario, Canada
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Posted: 12-31-07 18:29pm
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I think she did the right thing in
aborting, but she shouldn't have told her
parents.
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Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 4044 Location: Bliss,
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Posted: 12-31-07 20:52pm
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| msrosie
wrote: | | I think she did the right
thing in aborting, but she shouldn't have
told her
parents. |
I think it's best when everyone knows the
true nature of other humans.
Ah, honesty. Refreshing.
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2603 Location: ,
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Posted: 12-31-07 22:47pm
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I think the parents should have not disown
her when she tells about the incident
because it clearly shows that they did
bigger mistake as parents to not watch out
what her 14 year old girl is doing. How
does this girl get to hang out alone with
a boy in a private place to be having sex?
This is example of irresponsible
parenting, shame on them.
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
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Posted: 12-31-07 23:46pm
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| Birch
wrote: | | msrosie
wrote: | | I think she did the right
thing in aborting, but she shouldn't have
told her
parents. |
I think it's best when everyone knows the
true nature of other humans.
Ah, honesty.
Refreshing. |
Yeah, I honestly don't think it was smart
to tell them.. at least until she'd used
them for college money! That's something
you confess on their death bed or
something. No, keeping secrets isn't good
but in this case there was more harm in
telling than keeping it. Sometimes a
secret is a good thing. It feels good to
come clean, but only when the response is
positive. If you know it's going to be
negative - as in this case - then you
shouldn't tell.
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Tylanas
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Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
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Posted: 12-31-07 23:47pm
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| nightangel73
wrote: | | I think the parents should
have not disown her when she tells about
the incident because it clearly shows that
they did bigger mistake as parents to not
watch out what her 14 year old girl is
doing. How does this girl get to hang out
alone with a boy in a private place to be
having sex? This is example of
irresponsible parenting, shame on
them. |
That too. 
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Jincks013
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 1174 Location: ,
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Posted: 01-01-08 07:12am
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| nightangel73
wrote: | | I think the parents should
have not disown her when she tells about
the incident because it clearly shows that
they did bigger mistake as parents to not
watch out what her 14 year old girl is
doing. How does this girl get to hang out
alone with a boy in a private place to be
having sex? This is example of
irresponsible parenting, shame on
them. |
Your joking here I hope. NA.You to Eiri.
do you have teenagers? Do you have any
idea how difficult it is to be right at
their side 24 hours a day 7 days a week?
They ARE teenagers. They are experts at
being where they shouldn't and screw
everyone who thinks all of us teenagers
parents are bad aweful people who don't
care about our kids, as you imply, or are
irresponsible for letting a 14 year old
have some time to herself.
After all no way should I ever have
trusted my teenage daughter to make
decisions all on their own; I should
always be suspicious of them; never
allowing them a moment of privacy; never
letting them grow on their own; never
respecting them.
I am such a sucky bad irresponsible parent
for doing those thing that my daughter is
well ahead of her yearmates.
Go annoy someone else for awhile.

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oopoopoop
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2004 Posts: 1363 Location: ,
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Posted: 01-01-08 09:00am
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Sex education and availability of
contraception worked for me.
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2603 Location: ,
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Posted: 01-01-08 10:31am
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| Jincks013
wrote: |
Your joking here I hope. NA.You to Eiri.
do you have teenagers? Do you have any
idea how difficult it is to be right at
their side 24 hours a day 7 days a week?
They ARE teenagers. They are experts at
being where they shouldn't and screw
everyone who thinks all of us teenagers
parents are bad aweful people who don't
care about our kids, as you imply, or are
irresponsible for letting a 14 year old
have some time to herself.
After all no way should I ever have
trusted my teenage daughter to make
decisions all on their own; I should
always be suspicious of them; never
allowing them a moment of privacy; never
letting them grow on their own; never
respecting them.
I am such a sucky bad irresponsible parent
for doing those thing that my daughter is
well ahead of her yearmates.
Go annoy someone else for awhile.
 |
Let me see here. I recall well when I was
14 and I was no expert in being where I
shouldn't. Okay so I went to school and in
school I couldn't possibly have sex and
then after school I was home. I hanged out
with my my neighbor girlfriend the rest of
the day. If I were going to parties or
pajama parties I had to ask permission to
my parents which would be aware at what
time I'm coming home and with whom and my
mom would be still awake until I am home
to make sure I came home alright.
Typically I always went with my neighbor
girl friend. In all the parties I went I
can't recall of a place to have sex even
if I wanted. I had no bf's so I guess that
helped too even thought it wouldn't had
crossed my mind having sex even if I had
one. But shall I had a bf I know my mom
would have been extra suspicious and would
make sure I had no opportunities to have
sex with him begining with not letting me
go out alone with him in a place where I
could have sex. At 14 you don't have a
license to drive so I could think the only
way I could date a guy back them if is his
mom drives the boy to my house and well my
mom would be there to check out. Or if my
mom drops us at a public place and she
would pick us up too. So my mom knew
where I was going at that age 24/7 and I
never felt she was taking away my privacy
or not letting me grow. I grew very well
and I was a 4.0 at school and I had lots
of fun.
Don't confuse doing yur job as a parent
than to that of taking away their privacy.
You can watch your kids while you let them
grow.
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2691
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Posted: 01-01-08 11:51am
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I was trying to paint the picture that
because of their lack of education they
had no idea whatsoever what they were
doing. The parents would not have worried
about them being together since they knew
nothing of sex.
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msrosie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2005 Posts: 362 Location: Ontario, Canada
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Posted: 01-01-08 13:10pm
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Even with attentive parents, it's not that
hard to sneak something. I had attentive
parents and I can think of situations
where I could have had sex, should I have
wanted to. For instance, we used to go for
bike rides all the time, I could have met
some guy somewhere and got it on. My
parents went out sometimes and after a
certain age we didn't have babysitters, I
could have gone out to meet someone. It
wouldn't have been that hard.
Now, having parents that were attentive
and involved in our lives, I never had the
desire to have sex as a young teen, and I
think far fewer teens would be doing the
horizontal mambo if their parents were
more involved. My parents fully
acknowledged they could not watch us 24/7
and even if they could, they said to have
or not have sex had to be our choice. So,
they armed us with knowledge on how to
protect ourselves. Neither one of us took
that as carte blanche to go out and do
everyone in sight.
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Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 4044 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 142
Thanked:13
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Posted: 01-01-08 14:02pm
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| Eiri
wrote: | | Birch
wrote: | | msrosie
wrote: | | I think she did the right
thing in aborting, but she shouldn't have
told her
parents. |
I think it's best when everyone knows the
true nature of other humans.
Ah, honesty.
Refreshing. |
Yeah, I honestly don't think it was smart
to tell them.. at least until she'd used
them for college money! That's something
you confess on their death bed or
something. No, keeping secrets isn't good
but in this case there was more harm in
telling than keeping it. Sometimes a
secret is a good thing. It feels good to
come clean, but only when the response is
positive. If you know it's going to be
negative - as in this case - then you
shouldn't
tell. |
I see a positive response. There is
learning all around.
I always think it's best to not live in a
fantasy world.
For what it's worth, my uber-controlling
parents who made me ask permission to
breathe could have been snuck around
nonetheless.
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
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Posted: 01-01-08 15:10pm
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| Jincks013
wrote: | | nightangel73
wrote: | | I think the parents should
have not disown her when she tells about
the incident because it clearly shows that
they did bigger mistake as parents to not
watch out what her 14 year old girl is
doing. How does this girl get to hang out
alone with a boy in a private place to be
having sex? This is example of
irresponsible parenting, shame on
them. |
Your joking here I hope. NA.You to Eiri.
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I'm dead serious. I do not think parents
should EVER disown their children. I also
think the abortion was the SMARTEST choice
that girl could have done. It's too bad
her parents are brain-washed fools, and
that's why she shouldn't have told them.
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2603 Location: ,
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Posted: 01-01-08 15:21pm
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| Eiri
wrote: |
I'm dead serious. I do not think parents
should EVER disown their children. I also
think the abortion was the SMARTEST choice
that girl could have done. It's too bad
her parents are brain-washed fools, and
that's why she shouldn't have told
them. |
Well I tell you something Eiri. If I had
say 2 children and one of the chooses to
disobey me and as they grow old really
doesn't care about me and the other child
makes me proud and takes care of me in my
old age I will for sure make a change in
my will to leave all my money to the one
child that did that much for me. I
wouldn't like to die and then the bad kid
just come to my funeral to get my money. I
personally will make my will upon those
who take care of me and honor me, even if
they are not necessarily my own family
members.
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yodavater
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Dec 2007 Posts: 818
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Re: If Not Abortion, Then...what?
Posted: 01-01-08 15:34pm
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| sillyakchick
wrote: |
So what instead of abortion should she
have done in this circumstance, knowing
that the parents would have disowned her
and the young boy at the age of 14 had
they known. |
Your story doesn't make it clear why the
parents disowned her, was it for the
pregnancy or for the abortion?
But to answer your question, if her
parents would've disowned her over the
pregnancy, then she'd be better off in a
group home for unwed moms.
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meblonde01
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 2131 Location: ,
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Posted: 01-01-08 15:37pm
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I think there are times that a parent
needs to dis-own their child. With some
kids that is the only way they learn that
they can not take advantage of you.
Nightangle is right.
If a child thinks no matter what they do
they will get anything they want They will
continue to do it. Sometimes tuff love is
the best way to teach them.
Dis-owning a child doesn't mean it has to
be forever!
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sociable_recluse
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 88 Location: , UK
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Posted: 01-01-08 16:07pm
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| meblonde01
wrote: | | Sometimes tuff love is the
best way to teach them.
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Yeah like when my mother disowned me for
NOT aborting when i was 22, yep it taught
me not to trust her with the important
things in life and be secretive and just
get on with it
| Quote: |
tr> | Dis-owning a
child doesn't mean it has to be
forever! |
Yeah, again like my mother who decided
that the disowning was over as soon as i
popped my son out and then has lectured me
for the past almost 6 years on how best to
bring him up, and also buy baby clothes
during the pregnancy despite the
disowning.
Way to make your kids resentful.
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