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slumpflow

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Colorado Springs , CO United States

paying for sex Posted: 01-03-08 20:02pm


The last two women that I dated told me that they didn't want to see me anymore because I wasn't attractive enough. After some self reflection, I realized that they are rigth, I'm an ugly person and no woman would ever find my attractive. As you can probably tell from the intro, I have a poor self image and low self esteem. Every time that I go out in public and cross paths with a couple my first thought is what makes that guy so much more attractive than me? You should see some of the looks I get. Am I missing something? When I look into the mirror I see a 5'9" 150lb dude with brown hair, hazel eyes and average build. The way people respond to looking at my face you would think that I was hideous monster who should do everyone a favor by not showing my face in public. Why won't any woman find me attractive? What do I need to do in order to improve my appearance and have a woman willingly want to touch me? I guess that's why use escorts on occasion. Despite my loneliness (which I think may be chronic) I have that human need for intimate physcial contact. After sorting through all of these thoughts, again I apologize for this post being so disjointed, is it appropriate to use an escort or visit a massage parlor if that is the only way to get someone see you naked and have sex. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

smars

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 6

Believe Posted: 01-04-08 12:43pm


It is not you it is the world. Seriously there is happiness & love out there for you . You just have not found it yet. Walk tall & be proud of who you are. Your time will come & if that is what you need to do so be it, that is your business. Where do you go to socialize and meet people? Take care.

aszalajka

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 103
Location: ,

Posted: 01-04-08 12:50pm


you cant base your thoughts one two people. if i did that i would be in teh same place as you. im not the hottest thing in the world. im average looking women. i have been discarded also. i had a guy sleep with me then tell me he isnt attracted to me. im not sure the logic in that. but really dont base how u feel on what two people thing. have u maybe tried a dating web site? in all reality people will only start talking to you onthere because of ur appearance. maybe try that. im sure there are plenty of women who would find u attractive. if u where really that hidious im sure the escort might just walk out. U really do have to hold ur head high also, because selfconfidence is very sexy. i lost 20lbs and heald my head higher than before and everyone noticed. keep your head up and again dont base everything on what to ignorant people think!

marvel

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Joined: 09 Sep 2007
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Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)

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Posted: 01-04-08 17:01pm


Attraction isn't based solely on looks. Unfortunately, many people are inclined to let their self-esteem be affected by a few bad apples (in this instance, your ex). You have to behave and carry yourself like you know you're worth "it". "It" could be a relationship, a job, a kind greeting. This is what many women look for, and I believe that, given what you've just told us, it is something that you lack... with good reason of course. I think that instead of sleeping with women you have to pay, focus your energy on doing things that will help you become more confident so it will carry though to how you project yourself onto others. As for paying for sex: Please make sure you are safe, and are doing it with intense descretion. An STD will change your life in ways you can't right now imagine.

impulser23

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Joined: 14 Nov 2007
Posts: 122
Location: ,

Posted: 01-06-08 01:35am


ok so ur 32 years old. Honestly there is nothing wrong with you. There are a ton of guys like you that want a relationship and cant get one. You just need to wait alittle longer. Trust me i know how you feel. I was once there in ur shoes if not worse. Im 5'4, stalky so it makes me look even shorter and kinda chubby. Now i used to have alot of image problems about myself. I always wished i was skinnier, taller, and less pimples on my face. I even joined the wrestling team to try and improve my image better, but that didnt work. I never had a realtionship till this year. I never kissed a girl, hugged a girl, or even had any girl "friends". Girls wouldnt even talk to me or even care to listen to what i had to say in class. But you know what, i accepted who i am and what i look like. I began to gain confidence in myself in other more important things such as how i talk, the way you act. I found my girlfriend at a party and i just played it smooth, i was still that 5'4 ugly guy, but she fell for me and she just told me that i had confidence in me and she didnt even care about the way i looked. It was the best experience of my life. So here is how you maybe change yourself. This might be harsh but i feel that you need to know. BE A MAN AND DONT WORRY ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE!!!!! Your not a girl that needs to be all dressed up and nice and hair all curly and redoing ur makeup everytime it messes up (no offence to the girls, just proving a point). Those 2 girls you dated before? medical question them, they are heartless health forum for telling you that you arent good looking. Also you need to work on appreciting yourself before you want others to appreciate you. I hope you take these words to the heart and not a bash. I just get very annoyed when guys say "im not good looking, blah blah blah." because i get the vibe you want people to pity you, and that is the most degrading. I dont pity you man cuz i know you have potential, you just gotta show it!

slumpflow

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Colorado Springs , CO United States

Posted: 01-06-08 16:56pm


smars, Thanks for the post. I am proud of who I am but not all the time. I've had a problem with self esteem my whole life. In my town there really aren't to many places to meet people. Where do you go to meet new people?

slumpflow

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Colorado Springs , CO United States

Posted: 01-06-08 17:11pm


aszalajka, I really appreciate your comments. I'm sorry to hear that a guy slept with you and then discarded you shortly after. What a loser (I mean the guy, not you). I have struggled for so long with low self-esteem, poor self-image and depression that the concept of projecting an image of confidence when out in public is entirely new to me. When your out in public and a guy passes you, how can you tell if he has confidence in himself? Is it how he dresses? The way he acts? What? I have tried a dating website and my experience wasn't all that positive. However, I have been thinking about the idea of joining again, perhaps a different site than the last one.

slumpflow

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Colorado Springs , CO United States

Posted: 01-06-08 17:27pm


marvel, Great advice. Thank you. What kind of activities do you get involved in that helps build and/or maintain your self confidence? Since my first post I've been thinking alot about my lifestyle choices and I am giving up my need to pay women to have sex with me. I might not have the best social skills in the world but I would rather be known as the guy who is saving himself for the one who wants to be in a committed relationship with me than the guy who has to pay women to have sex with me.

slumpflow

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Colorado Springs , CO United States

Posted: 01-06-08 17:39pm


impulser23, Harsh, man. But in a good way. I would see how after reading my post that I'm seeking nothing but pity from everyone who responds. However, that wasn't my intention. Appreciating myself more is a characteristic that I've been trying to develop. I won't lie, it has been difficult. There are a few things that I appreciate about myself.

Roberta777

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Finding That Special Person Posted: 01-06-08 18:05pm


On this Earth, is like walking through a minefield. Just never know which way to turn, which path to walk upon. It seems to me that it is destiny that draws us to the people we will love and be with. Just try not to stress out about it and, who knows? Maybe the right person will come to you. Also, try going to social events, theater, join some volunteer organizations with people your own age. Like, clean up the beach, Amgen bicycle tour of California is coming up here, things that will bring you in contact with other people who would share your interests. Those dating sites are pathetic. You give your religious preference, and they try to hook you up with somebody so totally inappropriate, it is not worth the time of day to even respond. And, hold your head up and have faith in your heart someone good is coming into your life.

impulser23

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Joined: 14 Nov 2007
Posts: 122
Location: ,

Posted: 01-06-08 20:47pm


go work out at the gym, i find that after working out i feel good about myself. Football, basketball, is all good.

smars

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Posts: 6

Appreciate Posted: 01-07-08 07:43am


Are you into anything? Racing,exercising,reading,church? Take some classes ,maybe some volunteer work. Just something to get you out there.

Georgia59

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Joined: 11 Apr 2007
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Posted: 01-08-08 02:05am


Just a thought.... they obviously didn't think you were that ugly if they went out with you in the first place. Sounds like break-up bitterness to me.

sillysallie1990

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 03 Oct 2007
Posts: 308
Location: ,

Posted: 01-08-08 02:41am


be proud of who you are!! i was exactly like you. you need to love(or at least accept) yourself before somebody else will. dating sites are not really very good its mostly people looking to hook up and i have seen my mother do it many times its uaually very unhealthy relationships. get out there and do something that makes you feel good like vollunteering take a college class or dance class something that you are benifiting from. good luck

iameulogy

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 08 Jan 2008
Posts: 4

You Can Do It! Posted: 01-08-08 05:48am


I was forced to make a profile when I saw this post. Because i can relate. Honestly, Dating websites i've found are usually only bad on the woman's end. Ive only used a dating site a few times and i'm in a decent relationship. If it doesnt work it doesnt work. Thats how life works. Its weird. Women are fickle, No offense to any of you reading this but its true. Women change quite often. My ex was such a health forum, when we broke up and 8 months passed, she was a different person. Age matters. A younger woman is more likely to do those things you mentioned. I'm no psychiatrist but ive also experienced some pretty critical hardships. You just have to grow thick skin. Take it from someone who's hyper-sensative. You can manage!!!

marvel

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Posted: 01-09-08 18:10pm

slumpflow wrote:

marvel,

Great advice. Thank you. What kind of activities do you get involved in that helps build and/or maintain your self confidence?

Since my first post I've been thinking alot about my lifestyle choices and I am giving up my need to pay women to have sex with me. I might not have the best social skills in the world but I would rather be known as the guy who is saving himself for the one who wants to be in a committed relationship with me than the guy who has to pay women to have sex with me.

Running, reading (so I can be an informed individual), volunteering, drawing, writing... anything that piques my interest.

And I'm so glad that you have changed your outlook!!!!

redneck programmer

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 16 Jan 2008
Posts: 20
Location: Frankfurt, Hessen Germany

Posted: 01-17-08 08:12am


attitude, self-confidence, and self-esteem. get some. Don#t want to come across too harsch, but women want nothing to do with men that have a bad self-image or low self-estem (they can smell it from 50 yards). It's not your physical features that they're seeing, it's how you project yourself is what they see. One of my buddies who was phenominally ugly (and fat too) go all the girls cuz he knew himself and was happy with it, and oozed good self esteem whereever he went. And don't try to fake it either, women can see right thru that (talking from expeience here). Hope that helped some.

clovis

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 12 Mar 2007
Posts: 20
Location: Southern Il,

Posted: 01-18-08 18:08pm


Just an idea,but do you have any women in your life (not relatives) who are just friends you could talk to honestly? from what you say I don't think it's a matter of looks at all. It may be your self attitude and the way you project that attitude toward women. By that I mean are you self critical, possibly needy in the confidence depatment or try too hard to please a woman? Mature adults of both sexes want a partner who is confidant in them selves and comfortable with who they are. Please don't take that as a criticism, it wasn't meant as one. Just a question for you to think about. If you have a female friend you maight try asking her if she thinks you need to work on your self attitude or image to women. And think about the answers without being overly self critcal or angry. You seem like a very sincere man that wants to share his life with a nice woman. as others have suggested you might try joining a group of whatever your interests are. If you like to read, hang out at a book store or library, like art, museum, you get the idea. One thing not to do. Don't hang out somewhere just to meet women. Your genuine interest in something can be a very positive first step to meeting someone starting a converssation. Sorry this is so long, just trying to get all my ideas in. BTW, I'm a 39 YO happily married F with a bald, chubby, middle aged hubby who is the sexiest man in the world to me. It's in the eye of the beholder.

soonhitched

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 23 Jan 2008
Posts: 17

Posted: 01-23-08 11:30am


Here's my advice - do things that you love doing, not for the intention of finding a girlfriend or anything like that - but just to do something that you like doing. Something that builds YOU up. If you get active in those activities, the right girls will follow.

MiseEire

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 170

Posted: 01-23-08 13:25pm


Confidence and approachability are important but ultimately it may be more important to simply remain open in mentality. No-one can forcibly become confident and low self-esteem is common and, believe it or not, some people see beauty in it. Rowdy, confident types with no substance in their personality run the risk of boring those who quickly fall into their spell. My approach is subtle, tell people how you feel without becoming a sympathy case, a whiner or without losing your dignity. Unfortunately this requires good communicational skills not necessarily a pre-requisite in confidence. Also patience. The one negative side to the approach I use is that a lot of my male friends' (ex-)girlfriends start to like me even if they had shown absolutely no interest before that. It can be mighty confusing. Best of luck anyway man.