Joined: 05 Jan 2008 Posts: 3 Location: So-Cal, USA
single dad needs advice Posted: 01-05-08 14:02pm
Thanks for the great forum..
from time to time - Ive come here &
searched the articles & read the
advice (as a guest) but lately I've needed
more direct support & thought I'd sign
up.
Im a proud dad of a 3 year 9 month old
daughter. I am currently in the divorce
process
w/ my daughters mother, we have been
separated for over 8 months now.
My daughter spends equal time between her
mom & myself.
We both share joint legal & physical
custody of our daughter.
Ive really had this feeling since before
we seperated - but it really has started
to dig in / cut me
more so that I'm seperated.
Our daughter really seems to prefer
spending time w/ her
mom than w/ me.
I UNDERSTAND ITS NATURAL..
l - but I just really need to know Im not
doing anything wrong on my end & what I
can do to help ease things?
Tonight really hurt me. I picked up our
daughter from preschool & she was
obviously not feeling well. I managed to
coax her into taking some medicine & some
dinner.
She was really "whiny" & complaining about
everything - but I was extremely patient &
understood she just wasnt feeling well.
when I tried to give her a hug, she moved
away & said "NO, I WANT MOMMY"
it wasnt that she wanted her mommy that
really hurt - but that she didnt want to
show me any affection.
She seems to do this quite a bit w/ me - I
try & snuggle her & talk to her
but she doesnt seem to like the affection
& gets an "attitude" and says NO...
I called her mom & told her that our
daughter wanted her to pick her up
(even though tonight shes supposed to stay
with me)
Looking back I probably should've ignored
it - but I really am hurt inside that my
daughter
says things like that & doesnt want to
spend time with me.
Sorry for the long post - so much to get
off my chest....
any comments / suggestions? am i just
overreacting?
|
Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 01-06-08 21:25pm
I can understand how it must make you
feel, but it is completely normal. When a
child doesn't feel well they want their
nurturer, which is in many cases the
mommy.
One thing you should always remember with
parenting is don't take what they say
personally. Even at 3 if a child can see
that they get a reaction out of something
they say or something they do it will only
make it worse. This advice will carry
over until she is around 25! LOL
You could try just saying, "when you want
to daddy would love to have a hug" and
leave it at that.
She is going to go through stages and one
day she'll only want you.
Good luck to you
|
J-daddy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jan 2008 Posts: 3 Location: So-Cal, USA
Posted: 01-07-08 00:44am
thanks for the great reassurance...
i really do believe you are right - some
days are just harder to deal with than
others,
and that day everything seemed to be going
wrong - & it was just the worst
feeling to
hear the light of my life say she didnt
want to be w/ me.
I've bounced back - today was laundry day
& we had a blast.
thanks again & ill definitely not let
the things she says get to me especially
since i think she does do it to get a
"reaction" from me...
thank you again for your advice
|
mominashoe
Moderator
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1687 Location: , KS USA
Thanks: 31
Thanked:15
Posted: 01-07-08 01:09am
I have this problem all the time and I'm
not even separated from my husband. All
my kids do/have done this where they go
through a stage where they only want one
parent and won't look at the other. It is
harder when that other parent isn't
around, so the child is inconsolable.
But they do grow out of it. When she is
older she will remember that no matter how
moody she was, you were still always there
for her, and that's what's going to count.
|
J-daddy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jan 2008 Posts: 3 Location: So-Cal, USA
Posted: 01-10-08 01:09am
thanks - it definitely has shown in the
past few days..
if I dont let her see that its affecting
me - she doesnt "use it against me"
kids are toooo smart sometimes eh?
|
mominashoe
Moderator
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1687 Location: , KS USA
Thanks: 31
Thanked:15
Posted: 01-10-08 03:49am
Oh, more than we will ever know lol
|
austinsmamma2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2008 Posts: 13 Location: St. Louis, MO., United States
Posted: 01-25-08 07:06am
I'm sorry your daughter seems to rely on
her Mom more, but it is very normal for
kids to do that. When my son is sick he
doesn't want anyone else touching him, he
wants to cuddle with me, sleep on me, and
if someone else even kisses him he
cries... And he's only 12 weeks old!
I wouldn't take it personally at all, most
children seem to prefer their Mothers as a
source of comfort. She's just at that
age...
|
Hart74
Supporter
Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 530 Location: Woodlands (not like there are woods anywhere near) Garden City ,
Thanks: 9
Thanked:7
J-daddy Posted: 02-09-08 05:53am
Your daughter is still young and as you
said that she is more attached to her mom
than yourself give her time and all the
support she need. In time don't be so hard
on yourself you are a great father already
when you try to coax her into taking her
meds. I know it somtime can be hurtfull
especially when it comes from someone who
you cares a lot. Meantime take care of
yourself and try not to think about it too
much take this as part and parcel of
parenting life.
|
Hannasmommy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Feb 2008 Posts: 2 Location: KCMO, USA
I know it hurts Posted: 02-11-08 20:05pm
My daughter just turned 3 and she spends
equal time with me and her dad. When I
tell her no she throws a fit and says she
wants daddy. If I ignore her she stops
but it gets you in the gut!!! When she
does that I also tell her daddy isn't here
but if she wants mommy here I am!! Good
luck its hard:)
