My
husband and I have been together for ten
years. We have been married for three.
We have four children and I am always
tired. I love my husband, but he always
wants sex. I feel like this is all he
wants from me anymore. I have caught him
two or three times either watching porn or
looking at naked women on the internet.
And along with that he's jacking off. It
makes me feel like I am not that
attractive anymore and that it's my fault
since I hardly ever want to have sex. I
have told him that I am tired from
cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the
kids. He really doesn't help me at all.
So what am I supposed to do? I can't have
sex with him now, since I know he's been
looking at naked women. It makes me think
that he is imaging one of those women when
we are having sex. How do I deal with
this?
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misssemsem
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 68 Location: ,
Hummm Posted: 01-08-08 20:05pm
i know that u tired from cooking ,
cleaning and all that stuff but what i
want to say to u that u shouldent negelct
ur huspend too i know its big load on u
.but if he wasnot do that befor that he
looking to porn or to naked women on
internet that is mean he is missnig some
thing in his life with u ,try to care of
him to as u care about children in home .
and if u feel that he didnt help u in any
thing in home try to talk to him about
that point and tell him that u need him to
help u in home too . but dont stop doing
sex with him try to make some thing sexy
and make him feel that u care about him
too and love doing sex with him .men as
children some time in thinking and wanna
some one care about him too
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Re: Husband Strays Posted: 01-08-08 20:24pm
Amanda4
wrote:
My
husband and I have been together for ten
years. We have been married for three.
We have four children and I am always
tired. I love my husband, but he always
wants sex. I feel like this is all he
wants from me anymore. I have caught him
two or three times either watching porn or
looking at naked women on the internet.
And along with that he's jacking off. It
makes me feel like I am not that
attractive anymore and that it's my fault
since I hardly ever want to have sex. I
have told him that I am tired from
cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the
kids. He really doesn't help me at all.
So what am I supposed to do? I can't have
sex with him now, since I know he's been
looking at naked women. It makes me think
that he is imaging one of those women when
we are having sex. How do I deal with
this?
My fiancee looked at porn and masturbated.
I do too. I wasn't "straying" from him and
he wasn't "straying" from me. I think you
need to deal with your hate of porn; it is
completely legal and NOT adultery. It's a
natural reaction to find an outlet when
there isn't one. It's not your fault
you're busy and it's not his fault he's
horny. Think about it; would you rather he
look at porn and masturbate, or go cheat
on you?
You husband needs to help you around the
house; those are totally logical demands.
Just TALK to him and if that doesn't work,
make up a list of chores. Involve him in
this process; chose jobs to do each day.
You can include the kids too so it's a
family thing. You need to stand up for
yourself.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 90
Thanked:32
Posted: 01-08-08 21:43pm
I don't think it's that bad for him to
look at porn, honestly. I used to mind
when My hubby did but I got over it and
now it's something we enjoy together.
However, it is an issue that you are doing
all the work. Of course you are tired and
don't want sex if you're busy doing stuff
all day! I agree with Eiri- stand up for
yourself. Maybe buy some sexy lingerie and
tell him if he does the dishes you'll give
him a treat (wink). Get him motivated-
have a discussion with him and tell him
that this isn't working for you and you
aren't happy.
You deserve a sex life too.
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 01-08-08 21:45pm
Have you sat him down and explained to him
that you need help with your children and
household? It sounds like he needs to
know that if you weren't dealing with all
of the responibility by yourself, you'd be
able to function better in that area.
Try not to get hung up on him looking at
porn. Obviously, he's resorting to it
because his sex life is not happening
anymore and prefers you. And it's
especially silly to get upset over him
masturbating...that's normal, all guys do
it, it has nothing to do with your
performance or ability to make him happy.
I understand you being uncomfortable with
him looking at it and it certainly
shouldn't take priority over you or your
feelings-but you'll have to work on
everything else before you can even touch
that issue.
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 276 Location: Japan
Posted: 01-14-08 10:05am
You need to say to him, if you want to
have some tonight, you need to do
some(work) around the house first.
But, if you are not giving affection to
your husband, then can you blame him for
looking at porn(which is not a problem
actually). Not saying porn makes a man
cheat, but if you do not give him
affection he will eventually get tired of
his hand and find another person. The
blame will be partly yours if he does.
If you don't like him to look at porn then
I think it is something you need to tell
him, just like you stated here, above. If
he loves you then he should respect that
you have an issue with it, then maybe you
two can talk about what changes can/should
be made to where you both get what you
need. Maybe he can help you out more
around the house and have a day of the
week where he deals with the kids and
maybe you can dress extra sexy and try new
positions for him in return. I think porn
is ridiculous and unessary, god diddnt put
me here to look at naked ppl and then to
masturbate to them, I have my man for
that. I'm just old fashioned and I won't
except porn ever, no offense to others who
enjoy it tho, its just not for me.
Obviously you feel the same. I'd try out
what I suggested, you will know what will
work for you if you give it a few tries. I
actually have had this issue with my b/f
quite a few times in my 9 almost 10 year
relationship and we have made a deal now.
He gave up his slutty porn and helps me
around more often and I buy sexyoutfits to
boost myself esteem up and wear them for
him and I've become a lil more adventerous
in bed for him. Goodluck, pm me if you
wanna talk more about it.