Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 35 Location: Sydney, Australia
Hating Sex Posted: 01-09-08 10:27am
I am 22 years old (female) and currently
am in a long term relationship (1.5 years)
I have never had a huge sex drive but I
have mostly enjoyed sex. Recently I have
started dreading sex and trying to avoid
it at all costs. I feel like as soon as my
bf stars touching me in a sexual way or I
can tell he wants sex I shut down and feel
almost disgusted and dirty. I feel
repulsed when I am being touched and I
have even started to avoid kissing because
it usually leads to sex. When I do have
sex (because I want to satisfy my bf) I am
closing my eyes the whole time, holding my
breath and I actually get tears in my eyes
and have to beg him to hurry up. You can
imagine how that must make him feel I feel depressed
because I feel like I am not satisfying
him sexually (although he always tells me
that he is more than happy with our sex
life). I really want to enjoy sex. I know
it is a mental thing because it is not
like I am in pain. it is a bit
uncomfortable but I think that is because
I am so tense and worried. Does ayone have
any advice or has had this problem before?
I am not on the pill but I do take
sleeping pills and sometimes valium for my
anxiety. I used to be on anti depressents
but am not anymore.
I used to enjoy masturbating alot and
could get turned on easily but lately I
have lost interest in that even and no
matter how hard I try I cant get turned on
. Please help
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1115 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 14
Thanked:5
Posted: 01-09-08 12:23pm
Has something happened to you in the past?
Like rape or molestation? has anything
tragic happened while you were having sex
at any time?
I was molested and forced to have sex. I
also had sex for drugs at one time. These
things really made me hate sex. The past
would come up at different times and I
would freak out. My mind would leave the
sexual act. This has happened with my
current bf. I couldnt control when the
feelings would come up. Feelings of fear,
shame, disgust. Certain acts and positions
would trigger my memorys.
I went to therapy and have healed so much.
Its not gone, but my freak outs so so far
apart. I hardly experience them anymore.
I know how you feel. Once you get to the
bottom of WHY then you will enjoy sex
again. Have you been open about this with
your bf?
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PenguinsRus
Supporter
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1193 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 01-09-08 13:26pm
You say you are not on the pill. Do you
want to be pregnant? Do you use condoms?
If no to both, maybe you are fearing a
baby when having sex and that is turning
you off (get on birth control if you don't
use condoms or want a baby!!)
Rosie is right about the tragic pasts. I
was molested as well, and I was turned off
to sexual things for SO SO long. I'm a
lot better now, but I used to hate it.
Every now and then it comes back up.
Are you having other problems in your
relationship with your boyfriend? If you
are upset with him for some reason, that
makes sex much less enjoyable and wanted.
Are you stressed lately? Stress greatly
effects sex lives.
Maybe try bringing something new into the
relationship. Ask him if he'll do
something that is exciting to you but as a
surprise one day. See if he'll waltz into
the room in a fireman suit or something
and attempt to save you. It sounds lame,
but I bet it will make you laugh and
loosen up and want to kiss and love him
for just being goofy and giving it a shot.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5480 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 78
Thanked:31
Posted: 01-09-08 15:06pm
If you're on medications for your anxiety
or depression, that could decrease your
sex drive. I'd mention it to whoever is
prescribing you drugs.
Also, the help of a sex therapist might be
good for you, to get to the bottom of why
you are feeling that way.
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purrfection
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 35 Location: Sydney, Australia
Posted: 01-12-08 09:51am
thanks everyone for replying. My bf is
very understanding and doesn't pressure me
at all which is good. I am not on any anti
depressents at the moment. I do take
valium very occasionally. I am not on the
pill (but we do use condoms every time). I
think it might be some old issues coming
back to the surface, I am trying to find a
new psychiatrist at the moment so hopefull
I can talk with them about it.
Thanks again everyone
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5480 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 78
Thanked:31
Posted: 01-14-08 11:36am
Best of luck, hon. That sounds miserable.
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Accolade
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jan 2008 Posts: 11 Location: ,
Posted: 01-15-08 12:06pm
I dont think the suggestion of some
repressed molestation is the first
conclusion you should draw. It is
perfectly normal for women to feel uptight
and uncomfortable with their first few
sexual partners. It's all a part of
growing up. Sounds more like an issue with
the boyfriend than your past from what I
can interpret. Wouldn't advise not seeking
professional help, however, don't get tied
up in the idea that you're somehow messed
up because of this. My suggestion...
liberalise yourself, read some forum posts
written by women for starters, move on to
some sexual semi-feminist literature and
then buy yourself some 'Sex and the City'
DVDS. Just seems like you're an 18yo girl
trapped in a 22yo womans body.
Seriously... not that big of a deal.
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Balldez
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2008 Posts: 17
Posted: 01-22-08 18:20pm
Don't buy into the psycho babble. It is
much more likely that your problem is
hormonal.
They idiots/doctors used to tell men with
impotence it was "all in their head" Now
they know better and that is why Viagra
works.
You probably need testosterone. Get your
hormones tested. If you are not a
libidinous woman then you should not marry
a man who is unless you let him keep a
woman on the side or have a polygamous
mariage
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-22-08 18:43pm
Raaargh, sometimes I hate it when non-mods
report posts because then I can't do it
and then something sick like this fecal
matter has to remain visible to the public
for longer than necessary.
But, it's good to see other users taking
an active roll!! Thanks for reporting the
post
I feel depressed
because I feel like I am not satisfying
him sexually (although he always tells me
that he is more than happy with our sex
life). I really want to enjoy sex. I know
it is a mental thing because it is not
like I am in pain. it is a bit
uncomfortable but I think that is because
I am so tense and worried. Does ayone have
any advice or has had this problem before?
