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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 13932
Location: everythings better in, texas USA
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Im Done
Posted: 01-09-08 22:10pm
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i cant do this anymore guys IM GOING
F&*^%&^% CRAZY
im calling my dr tomorrow. i need zanex or
something
these side effects are killing me. i dont
know what the hell to do. i havent eaten.
i cant sleep. im a nervous jittery wreck.
im insane
do you all know what it feels like to
watch your dad dieing? because i had to
watch that today and it didnt feel too
good.
you know what my dad looks like? a
manequin. a pale skinny manequin. he
doesnt even look alive. he looks dead,
tired and just...not happy
hes so tired of fighting. hes giving up.
he told me today he loves me but hes
dieing. and he doesnt care how he dies he
just wants it over with.
i had to walka way from him tonight.
because it hurt me to see him like that.
how do i say goodbye to my dad when
looking at him even makes me loose it? i
seriously had a mental break down.
i just dont know what to do.
my life is a huge fu^&ing mess. ive
got a daughter that i love so much but how
the HELL do i take care of her when i cant
even take care of myself?
ive got to get away from everything
because i cant do this. i cannot do this.
its too much. things keep getting thrown
at me and its killing me.
and now this. all of this. all of today
hit me right in my face.
im done
i cant do this
i try to keep a positive attitude but its
KINDOF hard when everything happens at
once.
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Posted: 01-09-08 22:17pm
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Suzy..
i dealt with watching my mom go thru
chemo.. she got hep C from a blood
transfusion that they didnt test before
they used it back in the early 90's.
anyway.. she was so weak she couldnt hold
her head up. she sat on her bed, staring
at her chest because she was so weak. She
didnt have the energy to eat.. could
barely walk to go to the bathroom. She
thought she was dying. She honest to god
did. It hurt SO SO much to watch her be
like that. I hated every second of it. But
she got thru it, and now after all that
the doctors think she never even HAD Hep C
because they cant even find traces of the
antibodies in her liver.. thats NEVER
happened before. So she more than likely
went thru all that UNECCESARILY. That
makes it even harder.
I kno what you are going thru.. and im
here for you. I've been through a lot more
than u can imagine. And i'll go thru it
with you. I promise.
It always gets worse before it gets
better.
Thats why you have friends. Thats why you
have family. Maybe go back to your moms
until the meds kick in? You could always
come stay with me ^_^ I'd love to have you
and Kristen here lol.
Anyway.. im here for you no matter what. I
love my lil sister (even tho we've butted
heads lately.. i still luff you. ^_^)
~S
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Shanyan
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1423
Location: , Canada
Thanks: 11
Thanked:16
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Posted: 01-09-08 22:31pm
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I am sorry Suzy that you have so much on
your plate right now. I really think that
you do need to talk to someone....someone
who will listen without any expectations
from you.
We are all here for you and I hope that
things get better for you really soon
hun!!
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musikmaker
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 1749
Location: Chicago, US
Thanks: 9
Thanked:2
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Posted: 01-09-08 22:33pm
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Suzy I am sorry that you are going this. I
watched my dad die in 98 and it was not
fun. If you ever need to talk just send me
a pm.
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arcadia
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006
Posts: 4470
Location: Illinois,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 01-09-08 23:10pm
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Suzy, I can't imagine what it's like
seeing your dad like that, but I've been
having one hell of a time lately, too. We
all know that. So if you EVER need to talk
or vent or ANYTHING.. Please PM me. IM me.
Anything. It's hard, but we can get
through these times. We just can't give
up.
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moldedbymercy88
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2007
Posts: 522
Location: Somewhere, FL USA
Thanks: 6
Thanked:7
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Posted: 01-09-08 23:30pm
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I'm so sorry you are going through all of
that. Just like some of the other girls. I
know what it feels like to have your whole
world crash around you. I know what it's
like to feel like it can't get any worse,
and then it does. But then, eventually, it
gets better. I'm praying for you, your
dad, and your family. I have been through
just about every kind of crappy situation
there is (seriously) and I'd be more than
happy to talk to you if you want to.
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rosejackson
Supporter
Joined: 23 Dec 2005
Posts: 4348
Location: hertfordshire, england
Thanks: 7
Thanked:11
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Posted: 01-10-08 08:18am
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i'm sorry you're going through this suzy.
if you ever need to talk about anything,
just pm me whenever. keep your head up for
kristen. things will get better
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mamaTT
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 2006
Location: Illinois, USA
Thanks: 15
Thanked:8
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Posted: 01-10-08 08:22am
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So sorry you are going through so much
right now. Just try and keep it together
for your little girl's sake. She needs
you to be strong. Things will get better
soon.
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ilovemyfishies81
Supporter
Joined: 13 Jul 2007
Posts: 1557
Location: Raleigh, NC
Thanks: 6
Thanked:0
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Posted: 01-10-08 09:35am
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Im sorry your going through this suzy but
like i said in another one of your posting
i lost both of my grandmothers to cancer
and chemo didnt help one, one had breast
cancer for 13 years and that was hard to
handle and the other had breast and brain
caner so if you want to talk pm me
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Idony
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 1611
Location: virginia beach, va usa
Thanks: 11
Thanked:0
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Posted: 01-10-08 09:54am
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im sorry but be strong for kristen? thats
just not right, i know you mean well but
its just mean, to me thats like telling
her she cant show how she feels cause she
has a baby
suzy, hun, cry, scream, break down, do
whatever you need to do, as long as it
doesnt hurt krissy or you there is nothing
wrong with it
i do hope beyoond hope that he gets
better, but if he doesnt the pain will
ease in time, it wont go away but it wont
always be this bad
im here for you please know that
~alicia~
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 10814
Location: ,
Thanks: 61
Thanked:42
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Posted: 01-10-08 10:20am
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i'm so sorry, suzy. i can't even imagine
what you're going through. you know we're
all here for you.
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Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006
Posts: 8768
Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 161
Thanked:194
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Lauren_Jay15
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 483
Location: ,
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Posted: 01-10-08 11:57am
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Aww, Suzy I'm so sorry. I know how it
feels knowing/thinking you're going to
lose a parent. My mum had breast cancer
twice and although she got through it, its
a threat we all live with day by day
hoping, and praying it doesn't come back.
She's in remission and her health is great
now except she was told she has asthma
yesterday. Also she's a smoker so I worry
about the cancer's that come with that. We
all live with fear and threats sometimes,
and sometimes life just get's so hard,
you're hit with one thing after another,
and again and again and sometimes it just
feels like the only way out is all the way
out but you'll be ok, Suzy. Honestly, take
it from the person whose had one thing
after another, I lost my dad when I was 8,
but I have a step dad now who I call dad,
and I've known since like ever, I have
many of bad stories in my life, I think
most people do but you know what? It molds
us into better, stronger people. Therefore
we're able to be stronger for our little
girls. I'm always here if you need me,
altho I'm also down in the dumps right
now, I'm considering anti-depressents very
soon, infact I missed a docs app this
morning, but I'll rearrange so yea, I'll
mail you my IM.xx
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CaNdItAs CrAzY LaNd
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 3059
Location: like anyone cares, phhht
Thanks: 6
Thanked:0
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Posted: 01-10-08 15:26pm
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it is not an easy thing ive been there i
held my grandmothers hand and talked to
her and just kept telling her how much i
love her i held her hand till she took her
last breath. its not easy but in the end i
felt better knowing that i was there for
her she was the strong one and i learned
alot about myself in being there for her i
knew it ment alot to her just being there
for her it is ok to be sad about it and to
cry in front of him hun but in the end if
he passes away and you were not there
cause you didnt think you could deal with
it you will live with that pain for the
rest of your life hun so for your dads
sake dont walk away just sit by him and
hold his hand and talk about things in the
past and present with him to make what
time he has left memorabvle with youok you
can get thru this.
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rasuyoung
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 464
Location: Long Island, NY
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
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Posted: 01-10-08 18:54pm
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I'm so sorry, Suzy. I can't imagine what
you're dealing with right now, but please
try to be gentle on yourself - you need to
take care of yourself before you try to
take care of anyone else. An
antidepressant might be a good option for
you temporarily. We're here for you!
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,
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Posted: 01-10-08 18:59pm
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I'm sorry Suzy. I couldn't imagine
watching that and maintaining my sanity.
No way.
I took Wellbutrin a few years ago and it
made me a jittery mess too. I started on
150mg and I felt great. After 2 weeks it
increased to 300mg and I was a mess. I
think I seriously could have killed
someone. I have seen the Wellbutrin XL
give people terrible rashes. I'm sure
you'll find something that will help.
Take care
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-Tanya-
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Dec 2007
Posts: 593
Thanks: 45
Thanked:44
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Posted: 01-10-08 18:59pm
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Suzy, I'm really sorry. I don't really
know what else to say, just wanted you to
know you have my support if you ever need
it.
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yellow ribbon
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005
Posts: 5554
Location: FL
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Posted: 01-10-08 19:52pm
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suz- i duno what else to say, since we
talked last night but if you ever wanna
vent ill even give you my cell # i can
always listen and help the best i can
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