Broken Hearted Forum - Why Doesnt Time Heal My Broken Heart?

I'm sorry you're going through such pain.

First off, I'm old enough to be your mom's age so I can offer you the benefit of my experience.

I'm really not certain how long you've been apart from her. It sounds like you have additional baggage and things you need to sort out. Regardless, my advice would be the same.

First off, you must realize that you can't go through this alone. You need professional help (emotional and physical) and it would be a good idea to develop new friendships.

It's perfectly OK to mourn the loss of a relationship but alcohol is not the friend you want to spend time with. You realize you're trading one toxic situation for another.

Suicide is also not the way out, but I was like that many years ago and what kept me from not doing it was that I wouldn't go to heaven either.

Anyway, I don't know where you're from but this season in the Northern Hemisphere has a high amount of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I have it. The farther north you go the higher the prevalance. It's possible that SAD would be a confounder right now. Meds help (see a mental health professional) but there is a system you can purchase (search for Seasonal Affective Disorder on the net) that mimic maximum sunlight. Sunlight, I believe, stimulates melatonin which is associated with positive feelings (but search for SAD and you'll get the correct information).

Back in 1980, I broke up with my "First True Love" after being togther for just over four years (we were going to be married five years to the day after we met). I knew it was coming but when it did come it was still devastating. My mom couldn't stand him so I couldn't go to her about it. I was fortunate because I had a great support network made up of both males and females. It took me between six and 9 months to get over it.

What kind of support network do you have? It's really hard to reach out right now because your nerves are raw, and I'd be happy to hear from you via PM, but I'm not someone you could call and have over and watch movies and eat popcorn. You really need to develop a group of friends with whom you can spend time and get a lift from your extreme sadness.

How about taking up a new hobby or exercising? Do something positive for yourself instead of beating yourself up with alcohol. What have you always wanted to do? Now's the time to do it. You'll meet new people with whom you'll have at least one thing in common and friendships develop from there. Most importantly, before you can be friends with someone else you have to be friends with yourself. If you don't like yourself (and I don't mean want to change some bad habits), you'll never like anyone else.

Nothing that's forced can ever be right--if it doesn't come naturally leave it. Trying to make yourself like another woman right away. That's nothing more than a one-night-stand and all you'll feel is lonely. All relationships start out as friendships and friendships have to develop over time. I hated waiting for time to pass, I wanted my comfort now! But it doesn't work that way.

Consider keeping a diary and just pour your feelings out as often as you need to. I did that after several heartbreaks and it helped immensely. When you're emotionally healthy again you can re-read it to see what kind of lessons you've learned.

Try to find some joy in each day. Something small--a song that brings you happiness, freshly-fallen snow (if you live in the northern hemisphere), a sunrise or a sunset, re-read a book you've enjoyed, rent a DVD for something you liked. Just something that helps you to realize that there is joy in sadness.

I'm sorry if this is rambling but I'm writing as I'm thinking.

Good luck and keep posting. Feel free to PM me if you want (but please write in multiple paragraphs. It makes reading much easier.).