Single and Struggling Forum - Problems of Being "different" And Finding a Mate

Hi I am 30 years old and struggling with my virginity. I am good looking, tall and intellligent but my lifestyle and personality prevent me from success in the romance and sex department. However, I have a deep desire to have sex with a woman that truly matters to me. I would like to use this forum to explain the complexity of this problem. This is a long story but I appreciate anyone reading it and giving feedback a lot. It's about both an inner conflict and a conflict with the outside world as it is.

***skip if you hate reading long parts***

I know how most guys would react to a problem such as this. The solution seems so simple: just go out, meet people, approach enough women and sooner or later you should have made it to the candlelights and bedroom. There are books about various pickup methods such as Mystery Method to help men flirt succesfully with women rather than to be rejected by women, getting cold, bored stares from women or have them look the other way.

Sadly these things are easier said than done. My personality and lifestyle get in the way. I have an introverted nature as well as a tendency to spend a lot of time on myself. I have thought of new things to do in my life which should help me a bit meeting more new people (I believe a lack of meeting enough people is the main cause of still being a virgin at 30 for me personally, I am an attractive guy). I will join a chess club and look for one or more other interests that have my interest such as visiting musea, exhibitions, learning tai chi, going to lectures etcetera. It's not very likely I will find my dream girl there but I rarely visit clubs/pubs/cafe's, I also hate dancing. I feel very uncomfortable in crowds which is also why I would never go to a concert or music festival.

So there seems to be a lack of good "hunting ground" for me. I also seem to lack "hunting instinct". A lot of women simply don't interest me in the least. If a woman seems attractive at first she's usually boring beyond belief, spoiled, used to getting whatever she wants, arrogant, lacking time, 13 in a dozen or just too different. And then there's the single 20- and 30-something women with what I call their "Sex and The City syndroms", looking for love but being overly critical, rejecting Mr Rights left and right if he's wearing wrong socks or shoes.

Virginity, lack of smooth social skills and lack of social status also make me unattractive to women whether I like it or not (and whether some somen would deny it or not, this is how nature works, women are always most attracted to the alpha males no matter how much those men behave like suckers, nature is nature).

One thing I could do to solve my problem is try to become more "alpha". This would mean improving my social status, becoming a cool, social, popular guy, fake it 'till I make it, going out every night and try to pick up as much attractive women as is possible (which will require a lot of persistance and me doing a lot of things I dislike) until I succeed with a woman I really like. I don't like this choice because I would feel like betraying myself. I also feel it's out of my reach. "To thine own self be true." It could also be that it won't work out for me because I don't have "talent" for this sort of thing. Also I have the feeling that the women I would find most attractive cannot be found in clubs. Why would I bother trying to pick up women that don't interest me just to get a little bit of experience with seduction and sex?

So I have started looking on the internet through dating sites. That way I can be myself a little bit more and could find women that are more interesting.

But I sort of see the same problems: most women are 13 in a dozen and women I find interesting get so much response from men that it's hard to stand out no matter how hard I try. Some of them briefly look at my profile before they decide to ignore me. Sometimes I get a message back. In case I'm really really lucky I get a date out of this thing. This has succeeded in 1 out of 50 approach attempts, that's not 50 "winks" but 50 personal messages that were thoughtful, original, funny and not too aggressive. We had a great time but she decided there was no "click". No biggie, but I kind of lost my faith in dating sites and they only seem towork when you're really lucky. Also i'm not getting any younger and most girls on such sites are much younger and seem to want a young guy.

Speeddating is another thing that catched my attention, I will try it but I'm afraid I can't convince a woman within 1 minute that I am THE guy even though I am convinced that I am a great guy.

I've had a girlfriend recently but she was not attractive enough for sex, I've also tried a call girl but for various reasons I couldn't get a lasting
erection. I would rather meet a nice girl and both fall in love but wonder if it's ever going to happen. Pretty much everything I want to try seems a dead end. It won't stop me from trying but I'm getting kind of desperate.

***continue to read***

I feel torn by opposite desires, on one hand wanting to live and to experience the thrills that others have, on the other hand not fitting in with the things that need to be done to get what I want (love, sex), because I'm too different.

The way I look at it now is I should keep doing the things that really interest me and somehow meet more people with the same interests and then find a girl that is worth all the trouble most men go through just to get laid. It just seems a lottery with a chance of 1 in 1000 to win. Lots of times I just don't feel like playing anymore.