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pregnant boyfriend leaving for military

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blink912102

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pregnant boyfriend leaving for military Posted: 01-15-08 11:12am


i am 17 almost 18 yrs. old. i think i might be pregnant i missed my period and lets say me and my boyfriend arent really careful. We were friends for about 4 years and have been dating for only 4 months, but i love him and always have. He has this dream about being in the marines. He leaves in july. I havent told him anything yet (cause i am not all the sure but i pretty much know) i am thinking about not telling him. He has so much to offer the world and i love him. I want him to be able to accomplish what he wants to with out having to worry about me and a baby. I am going to school to become a teacher and i think with my parents help i can support a child, comfortably. i know that he loves me and would do anything to help. i dont know what to do and someone elses thoughts on this might be really nice. I cant talk to any of my friends here cause me and him share all friends. i am so nervous and need some help.

AyaMiyaki

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Posted: 01-15-08 11:22am


First of all, you need to take a pregnancy test and find out if you are. If you love him, you wouldn't keep this from him. He deserves to know the entire truth before he makes a big decision like joining the military. It's not right for you to make the decision for him that he should go on ahead with that decision while you raise his baby. It's also not right for you to expect your parents to raise your child, instead of asking HIM to help. I'm not saying these things to be mean. There's just no room for secrets in a successful relationship. I'm sure he understood as well as you that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy. If he was concerned about his future, he should have used a condom. As it stands, it looks like a baby might be in his future. It's not up to you to keep that from him. Take a test. If you're pregnant, please tell him. If you're not, stop having unprotected sex with him if you don't think he needs a child in his life right now.

blink912102

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Posted: 01-15-08 11:43am


i dont think your being mean at all. i am open to anyones views. For one my parents are truck drivers and are never home. i take care of the house, the yard everything, and my 73 year old grandfather (who is really sick). When i say help i mean stay here save my money till i can afford something decent. I know that my boyfriend would be an amazing dad, but with the war and what not i think iam scared. i think your right telling him is the best way to go. and i have an appointment at my doctors next week i am waiting till then.

yellow ribbon

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Posted: 01-15-08 12:20pm

AyaMiyaki wrote:

First of all, you need to take a pregnancy test and find out if you are.

If you love him, you wouldn't keep this from him. He deserves to know the entire truth before he makes a big decision like joining the military. It's not right for you to make the decision for him that he should go on ahead with that decision while you raise his baby. It's also not right for you to expect your parents to raise your child, instead of asking HIM to help.

I'm not saying these things to be mean. There's just no room for secrets in a successful relationship. I'm sure he understood as well as you that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy. If he was concerned about his future, he should have used a condom. As it stands, it looks like a baby might be in his future. It's not up to you to keep that from him.

Take a test. If you're pregnant, please tell him. If you're not, stop having unprotected sex with him if you don't think he needs a child in his life right now.

couldnt have said it better myself.

My husband left for the Navy when I was 2 mo pregnant. We are now happily married with our third one the way and his is currently in Iraq. The military life is hard but he deserves to know he might be having a baby. Keep us updated. I dont know how your waiting til next week, id be to impatient lol.

blink912102

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Posted: 01-15-08 13:20pm


i dont think adoption is for me. A child is a blessing. I know how it feels to grow up not knowing your past. not knowing where you came from. and i promise my self i would never do that to a child. As for my grandfather, he is no trouble at all. All i do for him is cook some extra food (no salt) and check up on him every couple of hours, spend some time with him. thaks for the opinion though. and i love to hear everyones thaughts. thanks you for the help

Idony

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Posted: 01-15-08 15:05pm


tell him, just cause your pregnant (IF you are, you have to take a test, a lot of things can cause you to miss a period or have "symptoms") doesnt mean it has to ruin anything, he could go and then maybe when he gets to a permanant duty station you could move there too, and maybe eventually you two could get married then you go with him to any new place and you can get into military housing good luck ~alicia~

young Girl

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Posted: 01-15-08 15:23pm


i agree with laura and dani

Verizon-y

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Posted: 01-15-08 15:45pm


I admire you for not wanting to ruin his future. It sounds like you wanted a baby, so I hope all goes well for you. If he had wanted a baby, be probably would have done something about it, i.e. at least mentioned a future with you two together, etc.

Jude-Love

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Posted: 01-15-08 15:54pm


I like how even though my post was received well, it's still being reviewed. Bad me, having an opinion! Oh well. Anyways, if you are pregnant and you're going to have this baby, the first thing you really really need to do is speak with him about health care (of course, after you've told him and the shock has absorbed and everything) for your baby and you. That is very vital.

blink912102

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Posted: 01-15-08 16:51pm


all of you have been such amazing help. Yes i want a future with him. and i think you guys are all right. i have to tell him, even though he all ready joined the military who knows what the future brings. Its not like i am absolutly ready for a child to be brought in my life but its not the worst that can happen. it will still be loved all the same by the family and i will try my best to be of great guidance. still scary. but me and him both were unsmart about everything especially my bodies timing. i can be gratefull that me and him were good friends for 4 years and that i know him pretty well. from the lack of thinking on both our part maybe we deserve this lol. so i guess i will talk to him tonight (most likly he will come to the doctors with me) and i will post the results...thanks so much for the support and guidence i would be lost without it ( and not thinking to clearly)

Verizon-y

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Posted: 01-15-08 16:53pm

blink912102 wrote:

i dont think adoption is for me. A child is a blessing. I know how it feels to grow up not knowing your past. not knowing where you came from. and i promise my self i would never do that to a child. As for my grandfather, he is no trouble at all. All i do for him is cook some extra food (no salt) and check up on him every couple of hours, spend some time with him. thaks for the opinion though. and i love to hear everyones thaughts. thanks you for the help

So I guess you are adopted, then?

Anyway, when I reread this post, I imagined you all alone in your house, no parents, with a newborn and a sick grandfather. I am terrified for you , your grandfather, and the future newborn. You have no idea how hard it will be to care for the two of them all by yourself. The sleep deprivation alone is crippling for most new parents. Also, what if you get sick? What if you have post partum depression? What if your newborn is a preemie and needs extra care, above and beyond the hardships of a full term infant?

Please get a realistic view of what is entailed before you do this.

blink912102

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Posted: 01-15-08 17:06pm


oh my aunt comes home around 9-ish and she helps with my grandfather too. So i am not totally alone in this. and i have family all around me. in case i need help (everyone does at one point or another). i was not adopted but my father got custudy of me after my "bio" mother got put in rehab. he was gone all the time cause he is a truck driver and my step-mother (who raised me since i was 4) took care of me. so i wasent totally alone. and me and Gerrick share a best friend (rob) who i just talked to. He wants to help me and says if gerrick cant be here when the baby comes he will stay. take me to the hospital and everything. So i am blessed with an amazing family weather it be my step fam. or not and great friends. so i will always have someone looking after me. ive always been put in how you can say very difficult situations. and this might be my hardest but i am determained to come out of it ok. i know that once you have a baby your dreams get put on hold thats why i am scared for him, i love him and want the world for him, even if mine has to be put on hold for a LONG time. i think its a good sacrafice to make.

Bridget

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Posted: 01-15-08 17:53pm

futureshock wrote:

blink912102 wrote:

she's made her decision and now we should be offering her the support she needs.

please don't keep suggesting alternatives once the decision has been made.

gingerelizabeth

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Posted: 01-16-08 13:56pm


hey! i went through something very similiar. same age and my boyfriend also left in july to go on deployment. but i wouldnt tell him until your absolutely sure you are. military is a very stressful life and unless you are its only an added stress for him. goodluck

jessamyn

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Posted: 01-16-08 14:00pm


relationships, love, and children survive thru deployments. Not telling him is unfair! are you guys splitting up simply due to him deploying? have you for surely tested positive yet?

Verizon-y

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Posted: 01-16-08 15:03pm

BridgetHeartsFinn wrote:

futureshock wrote:

blink912102 wrote:

she's made her decision and now we should be offering her the support she needs.

please don't keep suggesting alternatives once the decision has been made.

Well, I can't find the alternatives in my post, and I double checked. There is no harm in giving her a realistic view of what the future holds so she can be prepared. From her reply it sounds like she is getting prepared, by putting together a support system. That is a good thing.

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Posted: 01-16-08 17:39pm


hes leaving for basic guys not deployment btw. i dunno how long marines is but Navy is only 10 weeks.

Verizon-y

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Posted: 01-16-08 19:22pm


That's good.

blink912102

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Posted: 01-17-08 17:17pm


well i took a test btw and yea its positive..... i am thinking about telling him this weekend. (he wanted to spend the night watching old zombie movies with lots of popcorn pillows and blankets lol.) i think now that i know for sure i am kind of excited. this weekend a friend of ours told her boyfriend in front of us and he called her a lier. (i watched her take the test) it was sad. my boyfriend kissed me on the forehead and said the hell if i would give you that reaction, and i laughed. I doubt he knows i am, but at least its good to know. i really love him. and wish me luck. Thanks to all of you. And i am thankful that you were tring to giving me realistic views as with all of you were kind and helpful <33

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Posted: 01-17-08 21:48pm


aw he sounds sweet. i hope you stick around, you seem very level headed and im sure youll make a great mommy. And who knows maybe one day well be stationed together! what does your bf want to do in the Marines?