I think my 8 year old son might have seen
a homemade movie of his father
masterbating.
My H and I have been married 10 years and
have never filmed ourselves before,
however on Nov. 5 my H called me into the
bathroom because he knows I have this
thing about watching him touch himself (
it is a huge turn on for me) so he says
get your phone and you can watch it when
I'm gone. H work requires travel.
Well, today I am deleting videos from
phone and discover that son has made 2
videos ( of the movie Polar Express on
tv...why?) on Nov.8, which means he
likely saw the one of H. They are listed
by date and have to be selected but there
is no way of knowing if it was seen.
What on earth do I do? I am literally
sick to my stomach. I have worked so hard
to filter EVERYTHING that comes into my
home and now I am undone by my own
actions!!!!
Please help me.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-19-08 11:31am
Um, masturbation is a pretty natural
thing. I never understand why people these
days are horrified of sex. I'd have been
more horrified if your son had
accidentally seen the movie Saw, to be
honest!! So he saw your husband doing
something he probably doesn't even
understand. Maybe he's tried it out
himself now. So what? it's just
masturbation. I'm pretty sure that YOU are
the traumatized one, not your son.
My advice? Talk to your son. Ask him if he
saw daddy on one of the tapes when he was
making copies - for all you know, he
didn't! If he did, then calmly explain to
your son what your husband was doing, and
that it is 100% natural and it's okay if
he does it too. Tell him that this is an
activity that should be done in the
privacy of the bedroom or bathroom, and
that people don't normally tape it, but
daddy did it as a special gift between
married adults.
If your son asks more questions, be
prepared to answer them honestly. Don't
lie. That's the most harmful thing you can
do to your son. If this discussion leads
to questions about sex, then tell him. You
can repeat kindly that these are
activities done between two married or
loving adults to maintain the idea that he
as a child should not be doing them yet.
Your son is 8. I knew about how babies
were made when I was SIX, so I think your
son is LONG overdue for "the talk". I
asked, so I was told. In this situation,
your son has seen some sexual behavior and
now he needs an adult to explain this
behavior to him. He isn't going to
understand otherwise. He may try to
masturbate in public. He's not perverted
or traumatized or sick - he just doesn't
know how to appropriately understand it.
So please, go talk to your son. He is not
damaged. He's just fine! You're the only
one freaking out, I assure you.
|
lovinggrace
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 01-19-08 11:46am
Thank you for your quick reply,Eiri!!!
We had the talk a year ago when he asked
about sex. We have always been
forthcoming and honest (and tried to be
proactive ) in communicating age
appropriate sex ed when the opportunity
would arise since they were toddlers. I
also don't freak out if I see them looking
at each other or talking about thier
bodies.....but this....oh, boy, I would
be freaked out, I think, if I were 8 and
saw that!!!
|
unnamedny
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 88 Location: New York, USA
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-19-08 16:44pm
Well I don't think it's a much of a shock
seriously, I've been to the public bath
when I was about 7-9, nothing happened to
me. By the way if you don't know, some
kids start masturbating at even younger
age, like 5 or 6. (I'm not sure but I
don't think it's anything bad)
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-19-08 17:07pm
Yeah, I'd been seeing my parents naked
pretty much my whole life. I just heard
them having sex this morning - nothing
loud or obnoxious. It's like "so what?"
It's no big deal to me. If they're having
sex, it's a GOOD thing, you know?
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 01-19-08 19:56pm
communication is the key
eiri is righ and i think your best bet
would be to talk to him. masturbation is a
natural thing and even young kids do it
(even though they might not fully
comprehend what it is)
its importatnt for people to explore thier
bodies and even more important for people
to know its OK to explore your bodies
good luck!
|
Georgia59
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5542 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
Posted: 01-21-08 12:33pm
I would think it would only really be
traumatic if you reacted in a traumatic
way, freaking out or not explaining
anything. Reassure him that this is an
expression of mommy and daddy's love, be
honest about everything, he'll be fine.
And he'll have a good story for later.
|
embrissa
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jan 2008 Posts: 4 Location: in front of my pooter, , Mb Canada
young kids do masturbate Posted: 01-21-08 16:11pm
The proof - one lovely day i walked
upstairs into my 7 and 5 year old's room
(when they were living at home) the
bedroom door was open and i noticed my son
was already lying in bed in mid-afternoon,
when i got closer inside the doorway i
noticed right away what was going on. I
didn't critisize him doing this, i told
him it was okay to be curious about his
body, its only natural, as long as other
people were not doing this to him, but he
should go in the bathroom and lock the
door if he gets an urge to do this.. I
never caught him doing this again.. not
sure if it was the right advice to other
parents to their 7yr old sons, but i was
somewhat proud of myself that day with
him
anyways thought i'd share Take Care &
Godspeed one and all
|
run4life10
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Sep 2007 Posts: 110 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-22-08 01:36am
I agree, I think you should explain to him
what it was and that it is a natural
thing. I know parents usually try to
shelter their children, which isn't a bad
thing, but some things they shouldn't need
to be sheltered from, just exposed to in
the right ways. I had an older brother, so
by the time I was 5 I probably knew more
than most 13 year olds. I also walked in
on my parents having sex a few times when
I was little, and I wasn't traumatized or
anything. My 11 year old cousin, on the
other hand, is still under the impression
that god puts babies in mommys' tummies
lol
|
lovinggrace
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 01-22-08 19:24pm
Thank you all for your replies. I still
haven't approached my son. I am at a loss
as to how I would broach the subject. I
really don't know if he saw it in the
first place and not quite sure he would be
forthcoming if he were asked.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-22-08 19:28pm
I'd come up to him wherever he is and say
"Hey son, I saw you made some tapes of
Polar Express a while back. Did you see
anything different on those tapes when you
made the copies?" If he looks confused,
ask, "Did you see daddy on one of the
tapes?" If he says no, he may just plain
not remember - in which case, no worries!
- or he really didn't see it... in which
case, also no worries!!
