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72question
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hiding an abortion ?
Posted: 01-20-08 03:59am
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I am thinking of having a medical abortion
at 7 weeks, but the father would never
agree to this. Is there any way he would
know I did this instead of just thinking I
had a miscarriage? I am certain he will
make me see my OB who is very against
abortion. Will she be able to tell?
Thanks!
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Carifairy
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Posted: 01-20-08 12:13pm
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I work in an abortion clinic, here is my
advice...
Medical abortion takes 2 days to complete,
and it would be difficult to hide. You
would be in a lot of pain, and it would be
visible.
The bleeding is so heavy that he could get
suspicious and make you go to an ER. NOT
GOOD.
I would suggest surgical abortion, it only
takes 5 MINUTES, and you feel normal
afterwards!
You could go on about your day like
NOTHING happened. Then maybe 7 days later
you could SNEAK in a comment like, "OH NO,
I am bleeding, better go see my doctor"
AFTER 7 days they cannot tell that you
have had an abortion. The bleeding for
surgical abortion is fairly light.
You need to find a NEW OB if you can...
I honestly have seen women in your
situation, and this is what I recommend.
I would QUESTION whether or not you want
to stay with a man like that.
My husband is 100% PRO CHOICE, and he
supports me on EVERYTHING, and would never
make me do anything I did not want to.
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PenguinsRus
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Posted: 01-20-08 12:31pm
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I think that you should be able to talk to
your husband/boyfriend about the
situation. Are you sure that this is the
relationship for you? If you can't be
open about things like this with him,
maybe you should rethink your
relationship. You really need to sit down
and tell him your feelings and why you
want an abortion. Hiding things in a
relationship are never good, especially if
they are as big as that.
Why are you scared to tell him? Even if
he does not agree, it is your choice, and
you guys need to trust each other enough
to be able to sort out tough life problems
together.
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Birch
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Re: Medical abortion question
Posted: 01-20-08 13:43pm
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| 72question
wrote: | | I am thinking of having a
medical abortion at 7 weeks, but the
father would never agree to this. Is
there any way he would know I did this
instead of just thinking I had a
miscarriage? I am certain he will make me
see my OB who is very against abortion.
Will she be able to tell?
Thanks! |
Where do you live? We can help you find a
clinic that will respect your privacy. I
too would suggest a surgical abortion. It
is quick and no one has to know. Then I
would reevaluate my relationship with a
man who did not respect me.
Carifairy, if she had a medical abortion
and ended up at the OB or the ER, they
would have to keep their mouths shut about
why she was there, right? HIPPA? Or do
you think that too risky to even take the
chance?
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Carifairy
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Posted: 01-20-08 17:16pm
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Medical abortion causes GUSHY blood, it
causes a lot of bleeding.
That could cause him to get scared or
suspicious.
They have to keep it private, YES, BUT
what if he says that he wants to be in the
room with her?
IF she is in a controlling relationship,
it may be difficult for her to have some
alone time.
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 01-22-08 01:41am
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The majority of women having an abortion
already have at least one child. The
situation very well may be that she cannot
just leave. Maybe she doesn't have a job,
maybe he controls the money, etc., etc.
There are a million things we don't know
about. I worked on a battered women's
shelter and you wouldn't believe the
conditions under which some women live.
Boyfriends and husbands who check the
mileage on the odometer of the car to make
sure you only went to the grocery store
and back, for example, or else you get
your brains beat in.
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Jules
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Posted: 01-22-08 03:33am
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I have removed the unsupportive posts (and
any responses to them to improve thread
flow).
If anyone wants to continue the debate
then you know where to go...
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mt788
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2008
Posts: 12
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Posted: 03-28-08 12:19pm
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Has anyone who lives does not live alone
(so you live with other people), been able
to hide the effects of an abortion
successfully?
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amber♥
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Joined: 27 Feb 2008
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Location: I hate, Oklahoma
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Posted: 03-28-08 12:40pm
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I had a surgical abortion, and the only
thing was I was a little drowsy, and went
home and went to sleep till the next day.
The next day I was out driving around and
back at work.
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mt788
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Posted: 03-28-08 13:08pm
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Okay I will keep this in mind, thank you
so much.
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MaineGirl76
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Location: Maine
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Posted: 03-28-08 21:53pm
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| mt788
wrote: | | Has anyone who lives does
not live alone (so you live with other
people), been able to hide the effects of
an abortion
successfully? |
Yes, I have.
I live with my Fiance and had a surgical
abortion last year. I drove myself, had
the procedure myself and drove myself back
home and no one was the wiser. He didn't
suspect a thing. I told him the little bit
of cramping and bleeding I had was a
period.
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mt788
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Joined: 28 Mar 2008
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Posted: 03-28-08 23:31pm
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Thank you for sharing, I am glad you were
able to do hide it successfully.
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womanlost
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Posts: 5
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Posted: 04-15-08 16:34pm
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i am so grateful that someone has already
started this thread! i'm engaged and
pregnant.....five weeks along. hes
ecstatic even though there are a world
full of reasons why this is not good. i
already have two kids and the space is
tight and the money is short, really
short. one more mouth to feed would put
every ones lives in distress. not to
mention that the relationship is not good,
but because of the kids and financials
we're still trying to make it work. an
abortion is out of the question for him
and my ob is not supportive of the idea at
all. i'm afraid if i even mentioned it to
them they would tell him. how hard will
it be to hide a surgical abortion and what
are the chances that my doctor won't know
the truth?
i called planned parenthood with questions
but the woman i talked to was less than
supportive. she told me i didnt have a
choice, i had to tell my doctor. she
seemed annoyed that i was even asking.
now i'm scared! help!!!!!!
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womanlost
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Posted: 04-15-08 16:55pm
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You could go on about your day like
NOTHING happened. Then maybe 7 days later
you could SNEAK in a comment like, "OH NO,
I am bleeding, better go see my doctor"
AFTER 7 days they cannot tell that you
have had an abortion. The bleeding for
surgical abortion is fairly light.
Okay, i've had a surgical abortion once
about eight years ago and I didnt bleed
for very long afterwards. What if I'm not
bleeding 7 days later? Wont my doctor
know something is up? In that case, how
would I bring up my so called
miscarriage?
Please, i need help!!!!
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Carifairy
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Posted: 04-15-08 17:01pm
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Planned parenthood if one of MANY abortion
providers, you can choose someone else
MORE supportive.
A doctor will never know that you had an
abortion, as there are no 'tell tale'
signs.
WITH that being said, I personally would
never go to a doctor who did not approve
of a womans right to have an abortion.
http://www.gynpages.com
This is a list of clinics in every state,
costs, and info.
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womanlost
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Posted: 04-16-08 12:57pm
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Thank you so much Carifairy! So let me
get this straight, I may not have to wait
until seven days after, even with a day or
so my regular doctor wouldnt know the
difference?
You have no idea how much you just saved
the rest of my life. Thank you so much
for your help.
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Carifairy
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Posted: 04-16-08 14:23pm
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Maybe a day after the abortion your doctor
could tell, because your cervix would
still be slightly open...
After 5-7 days, NO WAY to tell at all.
There is no reason to see your doctor of
you do have an abortion. The actual
abortion clinic will handle ALL of your
care, no referral or anything is needed.
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womanlost
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Posted: 04-20-08 11:26am
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i know that i can get all the follow up
from the clinic but the problem would be
that my boyfriend would want me to call my
doctor. But they cant check me until i'm
finished bleeding anyway right?
so.......in theory i could call and say
that i'm bleeding and make an appointment
to go in once the bleeding has stopped???
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Carifairy
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Posted: 04-20-08 11:59am
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They sometimes will do an ultrasound...
Look, it is none of my business, but your
b/f sounds like a controlling guy.
Basically, you should act like nothing is
happening, and then maybe a week AFTER the
abortion bring up bleeding.. By then you
would be fine.
I am happily married, and he LOVES me, he
would never be controlling about ANYTHING.
Love is respect, not control.
You also may need to consider finding a
new OB, SOMEONE that will support YOU and
your choices.
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womanlost
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Posted: 04-21-08 16:34pm
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i'm not offended by your comment.
actually you are quite right on with the
controlling thing. i've never had to deal
with something like this before. you
know, it was so good for so long. i dont
know what happened. but now he checks up
on me........what i'm doing, where i'm
going, who i'm with, he checks my phone,
my bank account, mail...........
i'll be the first one to admitt that i
have to find a way to end it or fix it.
but i believe the end is probably near.
its just hard time with little money and
two kids. i'm in a very scary place in my
life. i certainly never in a million
years pictured myself here.......really
who does? but again i thank you for being
here when i have no one else. and you, a
complete stranger are here for me. and i
could never find the right words to say
how truely grateful i am.
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