Joined: 02 Nov 2007 Posts: 7 Location: London, England
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Feeling sad Posted: 01-20-08 15:36pm
I posted on here a few months back and
some of the responses I got really helped
me feel better.
Back then I'd was on the verge of
splitting with my fiancee, we had what
seemed like a perfect life. Nice house,
good jobs, so many plans and dreams for
the future. We'd been engaged about 10
mths and had a wedding planned for this
summer. Anyway, for a long time we'd
had "differences" between us. She didn't
like the way we made love, from my POV
she was very demanding in the bedroom and
it put pressure on me to preform - which
inevitably I didn't. In the end I went
right off sex. Another problem was I
found she'd taken up an old habit she'd
had before I knew her of going out
clubbing - taking ecstacy. When she
confessed to me I was stunned. I knew it
had been part of her single life, but to
hear her tell me (quite casually) that she
was doing it again really troubled me. I
was so worried about how it could effect
her health or what would happen if she
took something that could potentially kill
her. I stupidly asked her not to do it -
but she refused to give it up telling me
"It made up for something that was missing
with our relationship". I think we both
began taking each other for granted and
stopping doing things we enjoyed. I'd
often find I'd made her a nice meal and
she simply wouldn't get home to eat it,
when I confronted her she simply told me
"don't make me meals then". We grew
further and further apart until we decided
it was best to split.
I moved out on December 3rd - it was the
worst moment of my life. I felt so
gutted to be leaving. We'd spoke about
resolution, but I couldn't bring myself
to make love to her and she wasn't
prepared to stop taking drugs.
I moved back to my parents house (which is
where I am sitting typing this) and she is
in the process of buying my share of the
house. On 1st Feb I am due to have the
money transferred to my account and
officially she will be on her own living
in our old house (of 4 yrs).
For a time I was happy it was over, we
both starting doing things on our own with
our mates again. I have only seen her
once in the past 8 wks and it made us both
very sad. It seemed to make us both see
what we were missing.
I suppose I am writing this as I am
feeling so very sad about being single and
missing the company of a partner again.
Today I was driving in my car and a song
came on that we both used to like. I
simply started crying. I felt so
miserable. I know it was the right
thing to do (splitting) but the thought of
life on my own is daunting to me right
now.
Does anyone have any advice that might
make me smile ?
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littlemissdreams
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jan 2008 Posts: 2
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Posted: 01-20-08 16:16pm
hello i havnt realy been in your exact
situation but i can try and make you smile
and give whatever advice i do have. I was
with a guy and loved him a lot. At first
we were jut friends and knowing that he
would be moving away we aimed to keep it
that way. But as we all know things happen
and we ended up having lots of feelings
for each other. It became very cmplicated
because i was extremely sad about him
leaving and it seemed to me (at the time)
that he was behavibg like a knob because
he was standing me up when we were
supposed to meet and being very distance.
At the time it wasnt possible for me to g
away with him so i knew it had to end. I
told him never to contact me again as i
was so upset and angry. He just like me is
a very stubborn guy so he didnt contact
me, after a long time, when the pain began
to ease i sent him a txt asking how he was
and he got back in touch and we met up. He
told me how he loved me and he behaved the
way he did as he knew it had to end and
didnt know how to deal with it. Were still
friends and were both with other people
now but we still meet up to catch up on
each others lives but i do wonder how
things might have been. That was a very
sad time and although people say time
heals i dont believe that but i do believe
that you learn how to deal with that pain
and learn from it and be happy again. You
will always have the memories but you wil
always make more. Hope i have helped you
in some way Xxx
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entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
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Feeling sad Posted: 01-21-08 19:45pm
Hi, Sadfella:
I remember you!
You are at your nadir right now (in the
grand scheme of things). No matter what
you do, no matter where you go, you will
find some association (however tenuous)
with your former partner. That will go on
for awhile. You have to mourn your loss.
You can't be with someone for as long as
you were and not feel acute pain for some
period of time.
It's terribly scary being on your own
again. If you go back to your first set
of posts I prolly told you about the
ending with my first True Love.
How to find a smile? How about trying to
find something good every day. It doesn't
have to be anything good, it could be
seeing the sun, enjoying elevenses, seeing
a good movie, talking to a friend you
haven't seen in awhile, just something
small. If you can appreciate the smallest
bit of harmony in the cacophony around
you, you are on the way to healing.
Everything comes in small steps and it
sounds like you've made quite a bit of
progress.
It's very difficult to look ahead when
you're going through healing--sometimes
you have to look back to see how far
you've come. Could you possibly set
yourself an easy goal to look forward
to--even something silly will do. You'd
be surprised how even accomplishing the
smallest of things can be such a lift.
One suggestion--make sure you get enough
sunlight. Doesn't that sound crazy?
There's a medical condition called
"Seasonal Affective Disorder". It's
depression that is related to the lack of
sunlight. As the name happens during the
winter. The farther north one travels the
higher percentage of the population is
affected. I have it (I lived in the
Chicago area for the first 30 years of my
life and didn't know I had it). There is
something called "Light Therapy" that
might help. Part of your unhappiness
could be because of the time of year.
You also might want to talk to a mental
health professional for a med to take to
help you stabilize your mood (I also
suffer from depression and am slightly
bipolar). You don't have to be on the med
forever but it might help keep the bad
moods from being too black.
Just as littlemissdreams said, you will
learn how to be happy again. It just
takes time (God, give me patience and give
it to me NOW!).
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