Especially since you have a history of
depression it is very "normal" for you to
have these thoughts now. Many women get
these same feelings. It is quite common
and things will be much easier in the long
run, when you become used to this entirely
new way of life that you are leading. The
baby should soon establish a schedule and
it will be less of something you will feel
the need to run away from.
I know it is hard, but you are doing a
great job. You are realizing that your
little bundle is a wonderful, cute little
gift from God....that IS gratitude, you
are not lacking in it. You feel
overwhelmed because it is really big
challenge to be a mother, and your
feelings of inadequacy depress you, and
you in turn try to pretend that nothing
has changed and look back at your old life
for comfort. There is nothing wrong with
taking a mental and/or physical break from
the grind, as long as the baby is happy
while you are treating yourself to some
much needed solace.
Don't be alarmed. Everyone misses the old
life, even after their kids become a
little easier to handle. It's a 24/7 job
and it's not easy like those 9-5 jobs
where you get time to yourself. Being a
mom is the ultimate sacrifice and letting
yourself cry it out isn't a bad
thing...besides the hormonal changes that
you are going through are going to effect
you for quite a little while. The lack of
sleep you have because of those frequent
night-time feedings can exhaust you more
than you know.
If you start to feel like things are
getting to be too much, you feel like you
want to hurt the baby or neglect him, have
thoughts of hurting yourself or others,
then you have cause to worry and should
see a doctor.
Congratulations on your cutie-pie
Way to go mom!
