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Mlzimmer79

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very attached and bathroom accidents Posted: 01-24-08 13:28pm


My son is 7 years old and sometimes I think he is 2. He has an attatchment to me. Not every day but a lot of days he has a hard time going to school. He will be heading to the bus and all the sudden turn around with a look of panic and refuse to get on the bus. I end up taking him to school and when we get there I will have to drag him out of the car and hand him over to the teacher while I drive away. The whole time he is screaming for me. He was held back from Kindergarten from his severe shyness, so counting preschool this is his 4th year in school. He has days that he is fine. But he has days that end up being miserable for both of us. He does it other places also like the gym. But only to me. He also still has problems pooping in his pants. I don't know if this is related to whatever is wrong with him or not but he knows how to go to the bathroom. No matter where he is (at home, a friends house, school...). He will go a few months with no accidents and then he will start doing it again everyday. I don't know what to do with him anymore. We have tried every angle of stopping this behavior but nothing is working. Any suggestions?

ladylee70

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Posted: 01-24-08 14:03pm


He only does this with you, right?? I have seen this a lot in the school setting. Does he have psychosomatic (physical symptoms) when it's a school day??? There are so many questions I want to ask but so much I still wouldn't know. I would ask for a meeting with the school and include the school psychologist, school counselor, teacher, principal. If they have an intervention team, request to have a meeting with all of them. This is certainly not new to them and they may have some ideas of what is going on. Please try not to go about this alone. The school team would love to work with you in trying to help your son. If this is true school phobia, there is hope but it may just take some time. I have some ideas I will write more later. I am back: At least for school, try to have the mornings as consistent as possible. Kids with anxiety often feel out of control internally and if you have a consistent routine in the morning, it helps them to know exactly what to expect and they often feel more in control. It may not be the cure at all but it may help to alleviate some anxiety that she may be having. That routine should be taken on the school level as well. When she first arrives at school, there should be someone that sees her off before she starts school. For example, right when she gets to school she can check in with the school counselor. Also the teacher should consider developing a "special task" for her to do every morning. That way, she will have something to look forward to and it is consistent. She will get the one on one time with the teacher and may feel more connected at school. It most likely will help her get her mind off of leaving you and the "what will happen today" feeling. Even though school is on a specific routine, there are many things that our beyond control. This may help her feel more in control. Oh, when she leaves you in the morning - try so hard not to have any reaction. It is so hard, I know. If she senses your anxiety about her anxiety or her leaving, it will cause her anxiety to be worse. It is best to leave ASAP. In the gym, the same thing. Don't stick around. Just leave. Find out how she responded a few minutes after you left. She may be just fine. Although, there is a possibility she still could have the internal anxiety that is so very real. Is her anxiety affecting her academic performance. If so, please please initiate a meeting with the school personal ASAP to develop an action plan similar to the possibilities I mentioned above. Honestly, I think what you are going through is one of the toughest things a parent can go through. I think it's great you are trying to do something. Please let us know what happens.

Mlzimmer79

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thanks for the input Posted: 01-24-08 23:18pm


My son does only do this with me. He never has a hard time with his father or grandparents. We are requesting a meeting with his teacher. He is extremely shy in school. In fact they school forced us to hold him back from kindergarten because of it. This year he is in first grade. His 4th year in school and his teacher called me about 2 months into the year for advice on how to get him to talk. First quarter of school he brought home 2 a's and 1 c on his report card. 2nd quarter he brought home 1 c and 2 d's. He knows that if he fails he will be in 1st grade with his sister next year but he doesn't seem to care. At home he won't sit still. He stands while he eats so he can move around. He won't focus on his studies. He is having troubles learning to read because he is too busy worrying about wanting a glass of milk or what his sister is doing... I don't know if it is some sort of anxiety or ADHD or a mixture of both. Anxiety runs in his father's side of the family. I took him to a psychologist a few years ago and he talked to him for about 10 minutes, of course my son wouldn't talk to him, and he decided that he needed to be on zoloft. We had him take it for a few days but saw a reverse affect so stopped it. We also stopped letting him have caffeine. It seems after he has soda he gets very angry and violent. I hate seeing my little boy so sad and angry all of the time. We are trying to figure it out.

ladylee70

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Posted: 01-26-08 00:00am


I would request a meeting with the school team not only the teacher, if you feel comfortable. The school psychologist and team have most likely dealt with this before and have ideas. The more people, the more insight you all will get! It seems that a lot of kids with severe anxiety and/or school phobia do that primarily with mom. Mom is safety, she is comfort. Everything else is stressful and full of anxiety. This doesn't surprise me at all. While you are trying to figure it out, I would definitely try some of the ideas mentioned above. Especially try having a person to check in with him every morning. Perhaps after a while, he could have that one special person with whom he has developed some rapport with. I would personally request a full psychoeducational evaluation. Get in touch with your school psychologist. At least, it could provide you with a little more information to go on. Even if you don't want to go down the whole special education route, it would provide some information to a doctor or therapist who may work with him in the future.I would want to rule out any possible learning disabilities as well. Even if you don't suspect it, it's always good to rule out. Good luck to you, You are definitely headed in the right direction. Your little boy will get the help he needs as long as everyone is working together as a team. You are doing great there mom. I also would find a clinical child psychologist. Not necessarily a counselor until you pinpoint what is going on.

Mlzimmer79

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Doctor visit Posted: 01-28-08 16:25pm


Well I took him to the doctor today and discussed the issues with her. At first she wanted to say it was normal behavior but she watched him the whole time and quickly decided that he needs to be tested by a psychologist. We aren't going to diagnose anything yet but she thinks he probably has ADHD, with the AD stronger than the hyperactivity. He is very fidgety and wiggles and bites his nails. Anything to be moving. I talked with his teacher and the other lady that works with him and they said the same thing.

just4this

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Posted: 01-28-08 19:37pm


Im glad you went to see a doctor, dont let them label him ADHD right away. Especially if they want to medicate! Rarely works out well and the adults I know that were given drugs as children for adhd are not so happy about it now. I was very "shy" also and would panick at any kind of performance I had to give or group activity. I realized in my twenties that this started after a move 6 states away at age 7. I lost my confidence I didnt fit in right away like at home, from north to the south. But I had no idea I was having these feelings at the time I was to young to understand. Well I also finally realized the "shyness" had been social anxiety all along and I still suffer from it today at 32 only I finally know what it is and just make myself get through it. He needs to learn techniques to talk himself down from panicking. Just to cover all the bases maybe you could look into anxiety as a cause. Before you cancel everything out aside from adhd which is suspicously diagnosed a lot. You can treat that without meds.

Galaxy

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Posted: 01-28-08 19:59pm


This sounds identical to my neighbour's son who was also held back a year because he refused to comply with anything he was asked to do in class (at age 5!) and often just went to sleep under a desk! He also screamed the place down every time his mother left him at school and his parents could not go out and leave him with a babysitter as he would try to escape from the house to go and find them. He was diagnosed with separation anxiety, ADHD, dyslexia (!) , autism and finally asperger's syndrome. He was given a classroom assistant to help him with the little tasks he could not do alone (the ones that everyone had assumed he was deliberately doing badly eg toileting, reading etc) and the transformation was unbelievable. We now see a happy little boy playing in the garden - sometimes alone, for he is still rather 'shy' - but always smiling. He is apparently very happy at school, now he knows it is not a threatening place. I am not suggesting that your child has Asperger's but he may have a specific need which needs to be addressed by the school.

just4this

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Posted: 01-28-08 20:38pm


Im sorry Mlzimmer I didnt see your second post with more symptoms. I only read your first post and it sounded like how I felt as a kid and still feel anytime I go somewhere there will be people. Although I had some trouble with grades but I didnt have any behavior problems. I hope you find out what it is and he can be happy and healthy soon. If it indeed is ADHD I sure would love to know what is causing this in so many of our children and what we can do to stop it.

Mlzimmer79

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my son Posted: 01-28-08 21:10pm


I am not going to let the doctor automatically diagnose him with ADHD. The doctor wants to send him to the psychologist to have all the test done. I do believe that there is a lot of anxiety in him also. It seems as though he has more AD then hyperactivity. But I talked to his teacher today and she said that in class he wiggles, bites his nails, sits on his feet, anything to be moving. And at home he is the same way. It took him over an hour to read a 6 page story tonight. Just because he can't focus. He is laying down and kicking his feet, and wiggling around, fidgeting with everything he can find. I am not going to jump to conclusion but it is tearing me down. I don't know how much longer I can deal with it, plus the stress of working ( I am a portrait photographer so I deal with other peoples children all day). I am trying to get through it but it has been going on for too long. So anyway, we are hoping we can get through this without medication but we will have to see.

just4this

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Posted: 01-28-08 21:40pm


Ya I just wanted to let you know my post was a little hasty, and if I had read it all I would have seen its probably more than just anxiety. The anxiety is probably a symptom of something else quite possible AD like your doctor says. Hang in there you are close to getting some answers and some help

2gina

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Posted: 07-19-08 04:11am


Hi, I certainly agree with you. Your advice is really very helpful for us. Thanks a lot! Black Dating

Corwinrudy

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Health Forums Posted: 07-19-08 12:04pm


I am not going to jump to conclusion but it is tearing me down. I don't know how much longer I can deal with it, plus the stress of working......... Foreclosure