Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 1 Location: Indiana, Indianapolis, North America/ United States
cutting for two weeks, mom won't listen Posted: 01-28-08 00:16am
So anyways, I've only been a "cutter" for
two weeks now. And I finally got the
courage to tell my mom. And what I don't
understand is she always gets mad at me. I
mean yes I did quit for a week, but now I
want to do it again just because of some
recent events (I won't bore with my
failings). But when I told her she blew up
on me and that was it. It seems like our
mother-daughter relationship is failing,
badly. She just keeps getting madder and
madder at me. You would think if I told
her what I did she would be more
understanding and wanting to talk about
it, but no. She just got mad, yelled for a
while, then went back to playing cards
with my younger sister.
It just hurts to know I have almost no one
to talk to about it. I could try to talk
to my Granny but she would just sit there
and say "Don't do it again. You need to
live in this life."
I guess I'm just rambling. Sorry for
anyone who reads this, I just needed to
say it somewhere, and I thought this would
be the best place. But I do need to ask:
How can I get my mom to actually sit and
listen something without getting mad?
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ShadowSeer
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 01-30-08 08:14am
I understand what you mean; I am 13 years
old and a recent cutter and I remember my
frustation when my parents found out about
the cuts and just yelled at me and told me
that I would be put into an institution.
They just did not understand. However I
have recently be getting better but it
would have been much easier if they had
been understanding; but I know that you
must hear this from your mother,but it is
a bad idea.however, if you really, if you
REALLY feel the compelling need to cut,
then dont cut your arm - it is the easiest
place to be found! Unless you want them to
know that you are desperate enough to
resort to this... but it has been pretty
much shown that they see it in quite a
different light. You really should find a
friend or someone to talk to; it really
helped me.
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Seraph
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2008 Posts: 276 Location: , South Africa
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-30-08 09:14am
Hi
Sounds to me like you have problems
getting your mom's attention and that she
doesn't think that what you have to say or
what you are feeling is "important".
I think there is most probably two schools
in terms of self-injury. I haven't done
it my self but I do get urges to do it.
To me, it's almost like hurting my self
would alleviate the mental/emotional pain.
Others again, like Shadowseer says, do it
to get the attention of others so they
will realise that something IS wrong.
Others again would do it for both
reasons.
I don't know what to suggest in terms of
your relationship with your mom, but I
would definately suggest you find someone
to talk to like a friend or even better,
some form of school guidance councellor.
The best, in the end, would be someone
like a psychiatrist.
A lot of times, just talking about things,
getting them out in the open and letting
it all out helps a lot allready.
I know the feeling of being "shrugged
off". Eventually, now that I am older,
all the things that my parents thought
were whining and whinging, has turned out
to be real bad problems which could have
been overted had they just listened.
If you feel like talking, feel free to
post on the forums or even send me a pm.
Keep well and I hope you don't get too
frustrated by your mom's lack of
attention.
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fiona05
Supporter
Joined: 21 Dec 2005 Posts: 662 Location: , Norn Iron
Posted: 01-30-08 10:06am
i started cutting when i was about the
same age as you. being your age is really
tough. i don't say that to be patronising
- i really mean it. being 14/15 maybe 16
those were the hardest times of my life. i
felt i had nothing in common with my
family members, i didn't feel i could rely
on any of my friends and all the things
they were interested in seemed so empty
and frivolous. i hated school, i thought
everything they taught us was useless. i
didn't see the point in anything. but
things get better. i know it is such a
cliche but it is true. what is upsetting
you now will not be upsetting you in years
to come. times change and circumstances
change. i can tell you are really angry
and frustrated with things right now. but
when you are angry or upset, find
something to occupy yourself. maybe it's a
book, maybe you need to go for a walk,
draw or paint or find some sort of outlet
for your feelings, but whatever you do,
don't cut yourself. i did it, i cut mself
really bad and i am scarred for life. it
is seven years on and the scars are still
really noticeable. they will never go
away, i will have them the rest of my
life, and it is really embarrassing when
people turn round to me when i am out, or
in work or in university and go "oh my god
what happened to your arm!!!????" because
all that was years ago and i dont know
what to tell them. i wish i hadn't done
it.
so next time you are angry, please throw
something at a wall or go running or
something or maybe you can find a friend
who you trust enough to talk to and if you
can't and things are really bad and are
really getting on top of you then maybe
you could think about counciling.
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PenguinsRus
Moderator
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1153 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 27
Thanked:8
Posted: 01-31-08 12:13pm
Your mom may be acting angry not because
she is mad at you, but because she is
scared. Her own child, her flesh and
blood, is harming themself on purpose.
She doesn't understand or know how to
translate her fear, so she turns it into
anger and goes into defense mode.
Can you try sitting down with her and
telling her something along the lines of
"listen, I know that you're scared and you
don't like what I'm doing but I need help
and I really want to talk to you about
this. Please try to support me, because
by yelling at me it just makes things
worse". If you explain this to her, she
might calm down a bit for the sake of your
health.
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5487986865
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Mar 2008 Posts: 1
Brave Posted: 03-13-08 16:33pm
i've been cutting for 5years, since i was
9.
i don't have the courage to tell them, or
anyone else, till i found out my friend
cuts aswell.
how do tell your parents that you feel
better after slitting your wrists? not the
sort of thing my mum would understand.
you're v. brave to have told her, it's not
an easy thing to do
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PenguinsRus
Moderator
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1153 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 27
Thanked:8
Posted: 03-14-08 09:35am
When telling parents, you have to word it
in a more gentle way that they will
understand. It will scare a parent if you
say you slit your wrists because it makes
you feel great and you love blood. If its
worded carefully and you say something
like "mom, I've been feeling a bit down
lately. I was lost and didn't know where
else to turn, so I started cutting myself.
it made me feel temporarily better since
I didn't know what else to do. I really
would like some help and to talk about
this because its something that I have
been struggling with and I don't want to
go through this alone. If you yell at me
it scares me and makes it worse, so if you
could support me and help me through this
hard time it would mean the world to me.
it would be nice to have a shoulder to
lean on" or something like that. She will
be much more understanding and sympathetic
if its broken gently. It's a scary topic
to handle for a parent.
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