Hi everyone, here's my story that is so
similar to many i've heard on this forum.
I'm a guy, just turned 19, and am horrible
at meeting girls. I had a girlfriend in
11th grade (first one) that lasted a year.
I feel like I went out with her only
because she approached me and I was
shocked that a girl would actually
approach me so I immediatly said yes
without thinking about it. Bad move.
Anyway, that lasted a year and since then
I have had a very hard time with
lonliness. I'm a pretty attractive guy,
am very nice. I'm also the classic "good
guy". I don't drink, smoke, don't like
parties where everyone gets trashed. I
think my problem is a lack of confidence
and a lack of "approaching" skill. For
some reason I always expect a girl to
approach me rather than me approaching
her. It's like I expect girls to be
"psychics" that should be able to read my
mind while i'm thinking im attracted to
her. There is nothing wrong with me
besides the fact that I am quiet and
always try too hard to look my best
without actually putting it to use by
approaching girls. I'm in college now,
and It seems like all people wana do is
party and drink. I am very into my
studies too becuase I am determined to
become a Nurse Anesthetist. I love
working out, and I'm really into health
and nutrition. I like to wakeboard, and
love cooking and eating healthy food. I
always fear girls will think I am weird or
a "health freak". I seems like most guys
are just out to "get some", but I actually
want a real relationship. I'm the kind of
person who just likes to hang out and talk
for hours about whatever, but lack the
confidence to start a convo with a girl.
Could I actually be intimidating to girls?
I just dont know. Is this quiet nice
guy/dull guy image killing me or am i just
paranoid??
It seems to me that you are too concerned
about what they will think of you to just
go out and actually see. Everyone gets
shot down at some point, but you just need
to take that as valued experience with
approaching/starting a conversations with
girls. Also we all have our dates that
really don't go anywhere, but you keep
trying until you finally do find that
right person.
From what you've wrote you seem to be an
interesting person with a lot of fun and
good qualities.. you just need to clear
your head and say "hi"... it's the best
pickup line. Just go out there and be
yourself, good things will happen once you
give it a chance. Just go with it and keep
trying, and don't give up if life gives
you lemons.
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nspeed22
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2008 Posts: 9
Posted: 01-29-08 10:41am
Yeah i'm pretty sure thats my problem.
Thanks for the reply BTW. I also think
that I'm the kind of person who thinks
girls are "above me" and that they don't
experience these types of situations too,
which they obviously do. Im just really
looking for a quiet, intellectual, pretty
girl who has some maturity in her and
shares some of my interests. There are so
many girls in college that just want to
party and "get with" every guy they see.
idk maybe i act like an old man for my age
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Aunt WeeWee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 165 Location: Amherst, VA, 24521
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-29-08 10:57am
I think U need 2 gain sum self
confience!!! I think it's a gud thin U
don't drink, smoke, & party. I wish I
could find a guy dat dosen't drink &
smoke! Also, if U C a girl dat U like
& would like 2 B w/, go 4 it. I use 2
B da same way, I wouldn't dare even try
talk-n 2 a guy dat I liked, but almost 3
yrs. ago I was crazy bout dis guy & i
felt like I had 2 B w/ em, so i took my
chances & started talk-n 2 em. We
started off jus friends, & then we
started go-n out!!! Now we R still 2getha
& ingaged!!!! It will B 3 yrs. N
April!! It was all because I took dat
chance & stepped up 2 da plate!!!
Life is 2 short 2 jus set back & not
go 4 wut U want!!!!
I hope I was sum help!!! Good Luck w/
everything!!!!
If U want 2 talk, pm me!!!
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Aunt WeeWee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 165 Location: Amherst, VA, 24521
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-29-08 10:58am
I think U need 2 gain sum self
confience!!! I think it's a gud thin U
don't drink, smoke, & party. I wish I
could find a guy dat dosen't drink &
smoke! Also, if U C a girl dat U like
& would like 2 B w/, go 4 it. I use 2
B da same way, I wouldn't dare even try
talk-n 2 a guy dat I liked, but almost 3
yrs. ago I was crazy bout dis guy & i
felt like I had 2 B w/ em, so i took my
chances & started talk-n 2 em. We
started off jus friends, & then we
started go-n out!!! Now we R still 2getha
& ingaged!!!! It will B 3 yrs. N
April!! It was all because I took dat
chance & stepped up 2 da plate!!!
Life is 2 short 2 jus set back & not
go 4 wut U want!!!!
I hope I was sum help!!! Good Luck w/
everything!!!!
If U want 2 talk, pm me!!!
|
nspeed22
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2008 Posts: 9
Posted: 01-29-08 14:18pm
Wow, thats really inspirational that you
guys are engaged now just because you took
that chance. I'm just really bad at
conversations with girls lol. I start
talking about the DUMBEST things (weather
) and feel like a goof. O well, I guess
practice makes perfect???
|
Aunt WeeWee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 165 Location: Amherst, VA, 24521
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-30-08 10:55am
When you kno ur go-n 2 talk 2 a girl, try
2 figure out wut ur go-n 2 say 2 her B-4 u
approuch her. That always helps. Then if
U 2 get n-2 a conversation it should jus
come 2 U easily. Jus B urself!!!!
It's a great misconception that you are
dull. You seem to lack self confidence
because you are different. Superman is
more "dull" than The Joker. But who saves
the world and gets the girl? You have
other qualities that are frankly worth
more than cool bad boyness. Here's your
"scorecard" as I perceive it and it's
quite impressive:
"Attractive guy"
Score! Girls like it when you take good
care of your looks/clothing
"am very nice"
Score! Since when do girls hate warm,
friendly men (don't confuse that with
doormats!)? Do read the warning below.
"I am very into my studies too becuase I
am determined to become a Nurse
Anesthetist."
Score! Girls love it if you're a
passionate, driven person.
"I love working out, I like to wakeboard"
Score! Girls like dynamic, active men that
do something constructive in their life.
You will probably look better AND be
better in bed than those drunkards.
"and I'm really into health and
nutrition."
Score! Girls like men that take good care
of themselves, after all they want a man
that can protect them and take good care
of their needs.
"love cooking and eating healthy food. "
Score! There are fewer things that women
find more sexy than seeing a man cooking.
Healthy food = better sex!
"I seems like most guys are just out to
"get some", but I actually want a real
relationship."
Score! Girls want this too.
"I always fear girls will think I am weird
or a "health freak". "
PROBLEM. You're not a freak, just healthy.
Remove the freak/weird part out of your
mind. Superman is not a freak. The reason
you think this is that you're so different
than most of the slackers and losers that
form the majority of college kids.
"I'm the kind of person who just likes to
hang out and talk for hours about
whatever, but lack the confidence to start
a convo with a girl. Could I actually be
intimidating to girls? I just dont know.
Is this quiet nice guy/dull guy image
killing me or am i just paranoid?"
PROBLEM. It's not paranoia, but lack of
confidence and nice guy get in the way of
what you want.
First step is to approach girls. I too
have a hard time finding good openers,
that's because there isn't any. Just ask
their opinion about something or give them
a critical compliment, like "I like the
way you did your hair, I've seen 3 other
woman today with that haircut" (this is
called a "neg", not an insult but
something that shows your lack of
needyness, it's important that girls don't
get the idea that you are hitting on
them). You can say the same about
clothing, fake nails, small imperfections,
the hotter the girl the more negs you'll
need. Second step, when you talk to them
(you'll need to thrown in multiple topics
and not stick to one) ask them about what
dreams they have, their ideal vacation,
relationships, friendships, emotions, girl
stuff! Start reading girl magazines for
all I care.
There's more places to meet girls than you
think, more than parties and clubs. You
can approach girls between classes,
fitness, on the street, the grocery store,
maybe even try the library where you don't
have to scream your lungs out. It's also
less scary to approach a girl when she is
alone and doesn't have her posse with her.
But don't be afraid of those posses they
will eat out of your hand if you come up
with enough confidence and engage them in
conversation.
Here's a warning about being nice. That's
also why you need negs.
Nice guys don't get laid, they stay in the
friendship zone. The reason: they're too
polite and don't take the initiative fast
enough to (in this order) 1 touch a woman
2 hold her hand 3 kiss her mouth 4 kiss
her neck 5 gently touch her breasts 6 use
your imagination what's next. You have to
fight for your values, say no to alcohol
and be proud of it, say no to things you
don't like, they'll respect you for it and
if they don't than try to find more
intelligent company. Have your own
opinion, be your own man and stop trying
to please women all the time. Mr Nice Guy
sometimes will have to be Mr Alpha Male.
You're the cool person, you're the prize.
That's also why you can't be too
available. It can help if you say stuff
like "I have to go in a sec and talk to my
friends but I have a question for you."
Women will love you. You're getting advice
from a total newbie that still has to
apply these things. Read Mystery Method or
other dating gurus. Buy those pickup
artist books. Try to learn what I'm trying
to learn. I'm 30 and never got laid (but I
guarantee you I will). I have only begon
to discover the secrets of the female
psyche. I am struggling with the same
problem as you but I know what to do. It's
the stuff you don't learn from your
parents or at school. Maybe because it's
too powerful and they don't want you to
get laid like crazy all the time.
Women, be grateful for guys like this.
And people need to learn how to spell
here!
|
nspeed22
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2008 Posts: 9
Posted: 01-30-08 17:49pm
Haha dude you made me feel like a million
bucks!! Thanks a lot for the advice I will
really follow it. Good luck on your
endeavors as well!
FlorisV for President !
I really enjoyed reading your post.
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jacklynn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 16 Location: small town, illinois
Posted: 02-12-08 11:42am
nice guys are the best. don't change, you
will eventually find the right person for
you.
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bakin_april
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2008 Posts: 210 Location: state of confusion, usa
Posted: 02-12-08 11:43am
What about talking to a girl at the
supermarket? Farmer's market? If Aussie
chef Curtis Stone can do it, so can you!
Is she looking at produce? say "What's
your favorite way to prepare this? I love
to cook and I'm always looking for new
ideas." I'd talk to any guy that
approached me at the store talking about
his love for food and cooking.
Is there a food co-op in your area? You
could join one. I believe members are
required to be actively involved in the
running of the co-op. I suspect most
members would be health-consious and into
food.
To me shy guys project that they're also
loving, sweet and caring. What woman
wouldn't want that??
Once you get out there you'll do just
fine.
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FlorisV
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jan 2008 Posts: 6
Posted: 02-12-08 17:03pm
s_kalb
wrote:
FlorisV for President !
I really enjoyed reading your
post.
Thanks man, though Obama and Clinton seem
to have a much better shot, this stuff may
actually be more important than what they
say.
So I'm happy to share this stuff most guys
are oblivious to it. What it comes down to
is that guys need some help understanding
women and how to push their buttons/sweep
them of their feet...there is very little
material on it but a friend of mine shared
some like Mystery Method, Ross Jeffries
etc. I don't like all of what they preach
but they do help out nerds having
difficulty finding an attractive girl
ain't nothing wrong with that.
The core attitude is that there are plenty
of girls out there so never be too needy
for a particular one and you don't need
them anyway to be happy. With that
attitude combined with doing many
approaches (I confess i STILL have to
begin with that) it should be easier to
attract women. Problem I had was I was not
needy but I never met much women. But
tomorrow I have a speed date with +20
women.
I am very into my studies
too becuase I am determined to become a
Nurse Anesthetist. I love working out,
and I'm really into health and nutrition.
I like to wakeboard, and love cooking and
eating healthy food. I always fear girls
will think I am weird or a "health freak".
I seems like most guys are just out to
"get some", but I actually want a real
relationship. I'm the kind of person who
just likes to hang out and talk for hours
about
whatever
Man, i have been looking for a guy like
you for years! One of my
problems is that i tend to talk about
random things way to much but it sounds
like you would listen and join in! NEVER
change. there will be a girl who will
want everything that you are and if you
change, how will she find you?
Good Luck on your degree. It will be a
very rewarding job!
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sunn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2008 Posts: 7 Location: Vermont,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:1
You rock! Posted: 05-28-08 20:28pm
You don't sound dull at all! You sound
awesome! Don't change a bit- the right
girl will appreciate you. Not all of us
are looking to get drunk and hook up with
every guy we meet at a party or bar.
Really- I wish there were more guys like
you at my college. Finding a nice guy who
is more interested in taking care of
himself and being a good person than how
many "chicks he banged last week" is
nearly impossible. Good Luck! I really
think you will find someone. Just believe
in yourself.
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melancholydaye
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2008 Posts: 59 Location: ,
Thanks: 4
Thanked:1
Posted: 05-28-08 21:27pm
hey hunny as soon as the girls get screwed
over enough by the bad boys there gonna
come to you eventually. i'm 21 and going
through the same thing only i'm a bad girl
gone good. i used to go after the bad
boys, and didn't come out of it with
anything good at all, just wishing i'd
never met those guys. don't shed the good
guy image. it'll work to your benefit when
you graduate and get a good job, and the
people who messed around in college are
left in the dust. plus, as i too learned
at 19, relationships just add one more
stressor to college life. stay cool.
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EddyMc
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2008 Posts: 23 Location: , Ireland
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Posted: 07-04-08 05:30am
People want fun in their life but thats
not all they want.
You say you find it hard to approach
girls, well my friend if you want
something in life you have to go get it,
it will not come to you, I could sit her
all day saying it will happen when the
time is right, you will meet the right
girl someday, this all might be true BUT,
you have to make it happen.
You have to take the bull by the horns and
go ask a girl out, contrary to popular
belief the female variant of the human
population is just as scared/nervous/shy
as the rest of us, what tells the shy guy
appart from the other guys is they deal
with the shyness and that is it, the
confidence comes with practice.
As for how to approch approach a girl, its
easy, you walk over to her and say "Hi"
and go from there, its that easy, you have
it set in your mind that it is not that
easy but it really is, again the
confidence comes with practice, there is
nothing in the world that I can
say/do/type that will remove your shyness,
you just have to deal with it like the
rest of us :O), I'm a pretty shy guy but I
can also put it to the back of my mind and
not allow it to stop me from getting what
I want.
Life is about choices, is it your choice
to be unhappy and not get what you want,
or be happy and grab the bull by the horns
and go for it.
Hi everyone, here's my story
that is so similar to many i've heard on
this forum. I'm a guy, just turned 19,
and am horrible at meeting girls. I had a
girlfriend in 11th grade (first one) that
lasted a year. I feel like I went out
with her only because she approached me
and I was shocked that a girl would
actually approach me so I immediatly said
yes without thinking about it. Bad move.
Anyway, that lasted a year and since then
I have had a very hard time with
lonliness. I'm a pretty attractive guy,
am very nice. I'm also the classic "good
guy". I don't drink, smoke, don't like
parties where everyone gets trashed. I
think my problem is a lack of confidence
and a lack of "approaching" skill. For
some reason I always expect a girl to
approach me rather than me approaching
her. It's like I expect girls to be
"psychics" that should be able to read my
mind while i'm thinking im attracted to
her. There is nothing wrong with me
besides the fact that I am quiet and
always try too hard to look my best
without actually putting it to use by
approaching girls. I'm in college now,
and It seems like all people wana do is
party and drink. I am very into my
studies too becuase I am determined to
become a Nurse Anesthetist. I love
working out, and I'm really into health
and nutrition. I like to wakeboard, and
love cooking and eating healthy food. I
always fear girls will think I am weird or
a "health freak". I seems like most guys
are just out to "get some", but I actually
want a real relationship. I'm the kind of
person who just likes to hang out and talk
for hours about whatever, but lack the
confidence to start a convo with a girl.
Could I actually be intimidating to girls?
I just dont know. Is this quiet nice
guy/dull guy image killing me or am i just
paranoid??
let me just say that I wish I'd found a
guy like you my freshman year of college!
I did get into the partying unfortunately,
i guess I just wanted to take advantage of
my newfound freedom..i'd never drank
before, started drinking...really the only
reason I went out in the first place was
to socialize(and I was looking to find a
boyfriend) and I found guys..and big
surprise the ones I found turned out to be
jerks with aboslutely NOTHING going for
them...I dont know why I thought I'd run
into my price charming drunk at a frat
party...hahahahahaha(no offense to anyone
that is in a fraternity..it just seems the
ones I stumbled upon...weren't the best of
guys)most of them were just trying to
"score" and the one I kind of dated ended
up getting kicked out of his
fraternity..which, wasn't a surprise, but
it sounds to me like you just haven't met
the right girl, because you seem to have
everything going for you! You just need
some confindence! YOU'RE IN THE NURSING
FIELD!!! come on now! You must have PLENTY
of girls to choose from! just take that
chance!
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lil_scorpio
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2008 Posts: 57 Location: ,
Thanks: 2
Thanked:15
Posted: 07-09-08 01:46am
You sound like an awesome guy! I'd love to
be around a guy that is into his studies,
doesn't want to drink and party and has
enough respect for himself and women to
want a real relationship and not just sex.
I think that you're being too hard on
yourself. It sounds as though you haven't
had a lot of experience dating and that
you just want the perfect long term
relationship right off the bat. It doesn't
happen that way. Since your in college, if
you have the free time, try joing some
clubs or groups that are for males and
females that are based on things that
interest you such as health/exercise,
wakeboarding or cooking. If you meet a
girl with the same interests it's easier
to start a conversation, easier to keep
your confidence and composure and easier
to get a date. Just know that you're a
good guy and that there are PLENTLY of
good women looking for a good guy! If you
meet a girl you like, just walk up to her
and ask her how's it goin? Crack a joke,
comment her on her hair or smile and see
where it goes. Most of all, be REAL and
TRUTHFULL. We can always spot a lier! =)
Good luck.
) and feel like a goof. O well, I guess
practice makes perfect???
One of my
problems is that i tend to talk about
random things way to much but it sounds
like you would listen and join in! 
