Lifeless and feeling alone Posted: 02-02-08 00:25am
I still remember the days when I
couldn%u2019t wait to wake up and live my
life to the full potential, I would have
to say they were the best days of my
life....but what is soo different from
then and now? Maybe I knew what I wanted,
maybe I liked the person I was becoming,
maybe I was happy? But y am I not happy
now? Y do I feel lost and alone? Am I
lost? Am I alone? All I can think about is
how happy I WAS and how UNHAPPY I am now!
I am 20 and live in the UK, I%u2019m at
university and am doing a course that is
quite highly regarded, especially by my
parents, but this is not what I want to be
doing. I have great friends but still I
feel soo alone, I feel a lot of love but
sometimes I feel like its fake. I have a
very big family, 4 sisters and parents but
everybody is older and has moved on with
their lives, they are married with kids or
busy themselves, I feel all alone.
Most of the time I%u2019m just sitting
thinking what is the point, why should I
bother with my life, it will be soo much
easier to just end it now and cut the crap
I%u2019m going through, but I feel thou if
I do that I will just disappoint my
parents friend and family, but eventually
they will move on won%u2019t they? Then I
think what is I crash my car then it will
be more of fate! But why should I live my
life for other people, I%u2019m blaming
everybody around me for the problems
I%u2019m having, maybe it is all my fault.
I%u2019m the one doing the course, but I
want to leave it! How can I when im in the
second year of the 4?
If somebody looks into my like they will
just see the perfect person, I have a
great family, im popular and lovable, I
have a bright future, my parents are
successful and still together, but why am
I still not happy? Why can%u2019t I be
happy?
People say life is full of ups and downs
but I don%u2019t understand what is the
point of it all? Why are we here? Will it
really make a difference if im not here?
Sometimes I can convince myself that im
happy, I can go out and spend a bit of
money on this and that but im still not
happy inside, I try and convince people im
happy and I try not to talk about it but
im still not happy!... people are
beginning to notice that im not myself, I
was always the loud proud happy one, im
know just slowly becoming quieter and
quieter.
Am I just being stupid and looking for
attention? But I don%u2019t want people to
ask me how im doing I just want to be
happy! It is 5.22am in the UK and I still
can%u2019t sleep, I have been normally
taking sleeping tablets but most of the
time they also do not work, but today I
didn%u2019t take them and now it is too
late.
|
wg6445
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2008 Posts: 1
Posted: 02-02-08 12:29pm
Your post made me cry. I feel the same
way, friend... I've been like this for 4
years and I'm only just seeking help. I
went and saw a psychiatrist and she
believes I have dysthymia... basically a
mild form of depression. With it, it's
possible to keep living your life and
appear mostly normal from the outside...
I'm also at university. I'm also taking
classes that I feel like I don't like.
I've also stopped waking up looking
forward to the day. I also know I'm loved
and cherished, but sometimes feel like
it's fake or somehow just not right.
I can't really offer you any help.. I
don't know what to do or say. But maybe it
will help you, and help me ---- if I just
tell you do NOT give up. This isn't our
fault! Ignore those stupid suicidal
feelings. I have them, too, but just like
you -- I realize they're stupid. And then
I think too much on it, and I question the
nature of the world and the significance
of death. Then I just give up on thinking
and return to my stupor.
We need help. We need each other, and we
need psychiatrists... we might even need
medicine. It could be a chemical imbalance
in our brains... and medicine can fix
that. I haven't decided whether or not to
try medicine.
Write back, okay?
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MMAFighter
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 368 Location: WA, USA
United Stations Space Command Recon Posted: 02-02-08 12:37pm
Lifeless, I'm not sure if I've felt as bad
as you do now, but sometimes I also feel
alone and that people are fake. I've
found that going to quiet social scenes
like the library, the bookstore, the park,
etc. can be helpful in meeting other
quiet, lonely people willing to bond with
you. Good luck!
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lifeless6
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2008 Posts: 3 Location: UK,
Posted: 02-02-08 20:02pm
im sorry if this made u cry wg, that was
not why i posted this, i dnt know why i
did but something jsut made me! but
reading your post made me realise that
there are other poeple out there, i didnt
expect to see a reply to be honest!
MMAFighter, i dnt know y i feel alone, i
have many many really good friends, thats
y im soo confused.
i am hopefully going to see some help
soon, just jope it does actually help!
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MMAFighter
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 368 Location: WA, USA
Posted: 02-02-08 20:37pm
I think that if u actively go and seek
help, u will get it. I talked to the
skool counsellor once and since I wuz
involved in the discussion it actually
helped.
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lifeless6
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2008 Posts: 3 Location: UK,
Posted: 02-07-08 10:57am
it has nearly been a week since i first
joined and rote my post,
i think this week has been the first step
to recovery, i have seeked help and i met
with her on monday, it was great. i felt
like i could talk to her without her
judging me but i got the feeling i was
more down when i left the session then
when i entred, is this normal?
but i feel if i stick at it, it will help
me! she also told me to talk to my doctor
to ask about anti-depression medican, im
very worried about this, as i dont want to
rely on them and i dont want them to bring
a lot of future problems back to this
stage of my life. Any advice will be
great!
A friend of mine told me to read this book
called "the present" by Spencer Johnson,
this is also helping me in this time and i
just wanted to share this information with
the people also in similar situations that
i am in!
i still do have my ups and downs and most
nights i still cant sleep but im tryin not
to take the sleeping tablets that i have
purchased, last night i had 2 hours of
sleep and i feel as refershed as if i have
10! but emotionly i feel drain....
