Bi-Polar and Drugs (my story)

I'm a male. At age 15 I woke up throwing up my first day of sophmore year in high school. I didn't go because I was sick. This continued for 2 weeks until finally my parents took me to see a pdoc who said I had social anxiety disorder. I was knocked out from the paxil for a few months but I was able to go to school as long as I took 5 hour naps when I got home. Several months later, while taking only celexa, it happened again. This time I went to an adolescent psychiatric facility. The doctor there said I probably have bipolar but she wasn't sure. I was put on risperdal and depakote. I was also a skinny kid and I gained an enourmous amount of weight. My drugs were changed numerous times until I was on only a low dosage of seroquel and lamictal when college started at age 17.

I had a lot of people that I knew in college and I started doing drugs. They would only do marijuana so that's what I did. It felt great, but I ended up failing out of school that year because I was still depressed and the weed was just a quick fix for a few minutes. For the next 6 months I worked part time and traded stocks at home. I continued to smoke weed even while trading. I got lucky, and I was still able to make good money despite bieng high while trading. When I was 20 I started doing drugs such as PCP, Ketamine, random perscription drugs. I had a good per/hour job and I was starting to act in an offensive way to my superiors and my clients. Eventually I was fired in late 2006. I was 20 years old. In January 2006 I went on vacation with a friend of mine who also did certain drugs with me at clubs where I live. We did an extraordinary amount of weed, alacohol, and special k that we snuck onto the cruise ship. I was skinnier then ever and was I thought I was back to my old self. I got into numerous fights on the ship and was almost left at port. I thought I was the man, nothing can stop me. I was better then everyone else. Right after arriving home in NY, I went to a club with my friend right off the boat. We even checke dout suitcases. This friend then moved back to California and I got in contact with an old acquaitance who was into the same things as me. By thhis time I had an apartment that my parents let me live in downstairs. All types of clubheads came to do different types of party drugs, mostly ketamine(although I have tried meth a few times).

Eventually I got manic and went to the hospital. I got out after 3 weeks. A few weeks later I snorted ecstacy filled with meth and then one of my druggie acquaintances came and demanded I hand over my $6000 Rolex watch as payment for something that I supposedly owed someone else. He was with someone I didn't know so I got scared and handed it over. After he left I went manic in my paren'ts apartment downstairs and wound up in the hospital again. It gets shady after this. But I starting hanging out outside. I lived in a bad neighborhood and I would speak to the kids outside bragging about how im rich and powerful(I wasnt'). Eventually they led me to older con-artists who had me buy jewelry and give it to them because they saw I wasn't in my right mind. Adding to this they gave me weed that was probably laced as well. I ruined my excellent credit rating by not bieng able to dispute these charges. The companys would not believe me without a police report for anything that happend. MY mother and I tried getting a police report for the watch and jewlerly but the cops just shrugged us off since drugs were involved. The watch kept eating at me and I just kept getting worse a few days after a got out of the hospital, relapsing on drugs. Finally after 5 hospitalizations and a 30 day rehab I have been clean since july 2006 and am back in school. I worked all last year but just quick to go to school full time. Now I just turned 23 and I entered a terrible depressed state where I have racing thoughts, erroneous thinking, negative thinking, and it will lead me to do poorly in school if I don't see the right people. I really don't want to do any drugs to feel better, but it has been more tempting then ever. Anybody else here an addict with bipolar or I am I the only one? WOuld appreciate feedback on non-medical things I can do ti get out of this. I'm suffering every day.